to be furious

[suckerforbrowneyes]

My friend has had quite bad mental health for the past few years. She holds down a good job and has been married to her DH for about 6/7 years. He has a great job too.

She had a baby 7 weeks ago and had a rough pregnancy with sickness and other aches and pains. I have two children and was on hand to sympathise with her. I gave her quite a few items to borrow for her baby (yet to receive a thank you for these but hey ho)

Anyway, since the baby has been born I’ve checked in with her every maybe 5/6 days just asking how she is and general chit chat. Bare in mind she’s had poor mental health that continued into her pregnancy and she worried about it continuing and becoming PND.

Anyway, she replies to these messages and this morning I get a message from her obviously meant for someone else which read, “that c*nt sucker keeps annoying me with text messages asking how I am.” amongst other things not related to me.

I didn’t respond immediately but she obviously hadn’t realised she’d sent it to the wrong person.

I relied

“Far from being a c*nt, I was checking in every so often as I know a new baby can be a bit isolating. However, since this is your opinion of me, I suggest that here is where we draw a line under the friendship. I expect my children’s belongings which I let you borrow returned to me and I’ll pick them up this week.”

She has replied: “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it. You’ve been great to me in the past few months.”

Aibu to just say thanks but no thanks?

Who uses the term cunt sucker?

Never heard of that before.

Agree with @newmomof1 - struggling with mental health issues in the past does not mean you get a green-light to be an ungrateful arse. She didn't have to reply to any of your messages immediately (or at all!).

To be fair to her, I was suffering with poor mental health after DS was born and someone who knew this kept contacting me every few days to ask if it was OK. I found it really hard to deal with. It would make me assess whether I was OK or not and think about all the ways I was struggling rather than just trying to get on with things. It was too much and I had to cut her out for the sake of my own mental health.

But I didn't call her a cunt!!

@00100001 I think she said c*nt & OPs actual name... her username is sucker.

It took me a minute to realise and I thought it was a great insult (but obviously not in this context)

I'd reply "Yes I've been an extremely good friend, unfortunately you've been the opposite. Drop my childrens' things round immediately/Monday at 10am/whatever time as agreed." I'd cut her dead as soon as you get the stuff back, no one, NO ONE, badmouths me like that without consequences.

@newmomof1.... Oh yes, that make much more sense!

OMG you have an established label as "THAT C**@nt* sucker"

There is no going back from that!

I would leave the stuff personally as seeing her gives her an inroad to manipulate you and/or to give her power to refuse what you want BUT equally I would be tempted to heap it up on her front lawn and set fire to it rather than let her keep it.

I would leave the stuff.

I would probably send a text saying, well you clearly don’t need anyone in your life who actually gives a shit about you. So crack on. When you have your next breakdown don’t be surprised that you’re all alone. Then block

But then I’m a Bitch like that.

I hate that word! And I have never called any of my friends that, ever. For any reason! I had PND and didn’t then either.
I have no reason for she would’ve but, for me it’s a game changer.
I wouldn’t contact her again.
If she wants to contact you I suggest you don’t answer until you receive a genuine apology and flowers and grovelling.
I would probably leave my stuff so she has a constant reminder of you and how she lost your friendship.

If you don't need the stuff you gave her I'd just let it go and consider the friendship over.

She sounds horrendously spiteful and selfish. Not because she has MH issues (I do but don't use it as an excuse to treat people like shit) but because she wrote a horrid text and now she's been caught out is apologetic.

She's only sorry because you read her opinion if you.

That would be it for me. Get your stuff back and be done. Hopefully she'll give it back without issue. Apologies or not, how could you ever trust her friendship again. Write it off as a mistake you made in misjudging her character. Normal, kind, caring people will NEVER understand people who are vicious like that, so don't stress yourself going over if you did anything wrong, etc. Not suggesting you would, but just in case you're inclined to overthink things, don't. You're better off and now have one less person to worry about.

Ahhh I see, at first I thought she had called you a cunt sucker.... But she actually put 'cunt Laura /Jane /Sarah' used your name?!
So sorry, sounds awful. Especially as she's a long time friend.

Wow. Yes, that's the friendship over.

Who uses the term cunt sucker?

Literally spat my drink out and nearly chocked so thanks for that it is unfortunate that the ops user name is sucker

There would be no letting it settle or calming the waters for me. I'd just cross her off my friend list without another thought.

If mutual social groups bring you together I'd be polite, superficially friendly but the damage would have been done. I wouldn't be able to treat her as a friend, only an acquaintance.

@pumpkin

Oh I seeeeeeeeee!

Well in that case you dont have a known moniker as the c*#t sucker...phew

It's out of order but not necessarily terminal to me. It depends how much she uses the word, who she is intending to say it to and what she does from this point on...

I can’t for the life of me work out why anyone with bad mental health issues would have a baby (it’s one of the many reasons I’m not). As if life isn’t hard enough already!

That aside if it were me she’d now be dead to me!

It reads to me that this is not the first time she’s spoken about you (to the recipient she’d meant to text) as calling you “that cunt” suggests the recipient would know who she was referring to.

I wouldn’t be able to look at or think of her in the same light after reading that.

I’m so sorry this has happened to you OP. Get your stuff back and close the door on this very one-sided friendship.

@00100001

Sorry but I nearly died laughing at your post 😂😂😂😂😂😂

It definitely cheered me up and whilst I don’t use the term “cunt” very often, if I do, I’ll only use “cunt sucker” 😂

Anyway, I hadn’t text her in a few days so no chance that I’d woken her up!

I think the friendship is over.

I can see that getting regular texts always asking if you are ok, could be a bit wearing, but that does not excuse her description of you to a third party. She could have spoken to you about that in a nice way that acknowledged all you have done for her.

I agree with you Op, collect your children's things and back off for now. It may be that you and your friend may manage to claw back a friendship given time, but I wouldn't be falling over myself to help her now.
The only good thing to come out of this is that she has just given you a great new username.

I think it is OP.

That’s disgraceful. No excuse for it at all.

I would definitely see that as the end of the friendship. Anyone who can speak about you with that much venom is not your friend. So sorry you've been hurt like that, especially when it sounds like you've been a good friend to her. You deserve better

I’m def using “cunt” and “sucker” as a pair from now on 😂😂😂

I’m sorry she’s been so awful. It’s inexcusable.

Have also been struggling with a friend who has poor mental health. Different to your situation but I think you’re lovely. I text my friends like that when they’ve had a baby even if their MH is fine because as you say, it can be very isolating having a baby. Poor MH or not you were just being a friend 💐