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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be furious

153 replies

suckerforbrowneyes · 04/08/2019 14:17

My friend has had quite bad mental health for the past few years. She holds down a good job and has been married to her DH for about 6/7 years. He has a great job too.

She had a baby 7 weeks ago and had a rough pregnancy with sickness and other aches and pains. I have two children and was on hand to sympathise with her. I gave her quite a few items to borrow for her baby (yet to receive a thank you for these but hey ho)

Anyway, since the baby has been born I’ve checked in with her every maybe 5/6 days just asking how she is and general chit chat. Bare in mind she’s had poor mental health that continued into her pregnancy and she worried about it continuing and becoming PND.

Anyway, she replies to these messages and this morning I get a message from her obviously meant for someone else which read, “that c*nt sucker keeps annoying me with text messages asking how I am.” amongst other things not related to me.

I didn’t respond immediately but she obviously hadn’t realised she’d sent it to the wrong person.

I relied

“Far from being a c*nt, I was checking in every so often as I know a new baby can be a bit isolating. However, since this is your opinion of me, I suggest that here is where we draw a line under the friendship. I expect my children’s belongings which I let you borrow returned to me and I’ll pick them up this week.”

She has replied: “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it. You’ve been great to me in the past few months.”

Aibu to just say thanks but no thanks?

OP posts:
Picklypickles · 04/08/2019 15:05

YANBU. I have suffered with poor mental health and PND and even in my lowest moments I've never called a friend a cunt for trying to be kind and helpful (or for any other reason actually!). Even worse than the fact she said that, she's clearly slagging you off to others, there's nothing worse than fake 2-faced people so she's done you a favour really by showing herself for what she is. With friends like her who needs enemies?

Original poster
suckerforbrowneyes · 04/08/2019 15:14

I messaged my DH and told him and he’s not easily appalled and even he has told me to back off the friendship.

What’s worse is that I think I’ll be very wary in future when it comes to trying to help someone out particularly in this type of situation where they’ve had a baby.

I’ve messaged her listing what I gave her and that I expect the whole lot back and I want to collect it ASAP.

Cunt sucker Grin

OP posts:
ferntwist · 04/08/2019 15:16

So hurtful for you when you’ve been such a thoughtful friend to her. Don’t let her back in.

NoSauce · 04/08/2019 15:17

Aw that’s crap OP. You sound like you’ve been a good mate to her. I would be hurt too, best to back off from her now.

pictish · 04/08/2019 15:18

Ooh ouch. Well yes that’s it now isn’t it? Friendship over. I don’t think there’s any coming back from that one.

This is going to be one of those things that makes her eyes pop open in recollected horror in the middle of night for ages. Heh.

ddl1 · 04/08/2019 15:24

YANBU. Given her mental health issues, and the apology, I might possibly be forgiving if she'd had such an outburst AT me. But slagging me off behind my back to others would definitely cross all my red lines!

KUGA · 04/08/2019 15:24

Drop her like a bomb.
What a bitch.
To be honest, I wouldn't touch the clothes you gave her.
You are clearly a lovely and generous person.
You can do without an ungrateful shithead like her in your life.

Ellie56 · 04/08/2019 15:26
Shock You just can't help some people and yes you should collect all your stuff back. MH issues are not an excuse for being rude and offensive.
chickenyhead · 04/08/2019 15:32

@suckerforbrowneyes aka c#*t sucker

Please dont feel that you need to change who you are because of this sorry sadsack

I have MH issues and have had PND and my handful of friends that did what you did (supported without soffocating) were and are the best human beings on the planet.

Her loss

kidsmakesomuchwashing · 04/08/2019 15:35

I feel for you I had a similar situation recently.

Purplecatshopaholic · 04/08/2019 15:35

Jeezo. Some so called friend! Personally I wouldn’t bother with the stuff and I would never talk to her again - you know how she really feels about you

sonjadog · 04/08/2019 15:40

I would end the friendship. Yes, it might be a sign of her poor mental health, but I wouldn't accept that as an excuse for that kind of name calling. I won't have people who talk like that to me in my life.

Blatherskite · 04/08/2019 15:45

What's the phrase that's often used on here...? "When someone shows you who they are, believe them".

She's shown you what she thinks of you.

7sunnysundays · 04/08/2019 15:48

What a knob! I'd do what you have done OP c

NavyBlueHue · 04/08/2019 15:51

@Blatherskite yes it’s the quote “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time” - Maya Angelou

Wise words and definitely apply here.

Fluffycloudland77 · 04/08/2019 15:55

Nice. What a grade a bitch.

dudsville · 04/08/2019 15:59

I'd forgive a typo, but not a person who called me a cunt, or fwiw, many things. Not my crowd, not how I refer to people.

Sammi38 · 04/08/2019 16:00

Having pnd does not give you a green light to behave like that.

Very disrespectful and underserving, as you sound like you care and were offering support.

Coffeeandcherrypie · 04/08/2019 16:01

How sad that she had to malign you to make herself feel better or to look better to whoever she was trying to text.

Sammi38 · 04/08/2019 16:01

I also thought she called you cunt sucker! 😂

slipperywhensparticus · 04/08/2019 16:03

Friendship over and if you share friends I would be wary of them too after all who did she think she was texting?

BBBear · 04/08/2019 16:08

Agree with PP - who was she texting? Sounds like a mutual friend, or someone she’s been previously bad mouthing you to.

TheInvestigator · 04/08/2019 16:11

I hope she is suitably ashamed of herself for taking advantage of your friendship to get stuff, whilst actually not wanting to be friends with you and talking about you behind your back. You can be sure it's not the first time.

Hope you get your stuff back!

FrancisCrawford · 04/08/2019 16:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Exhsuatedmuch · 04/08/2019 16:13

Friendship over I'd say.. Has someone do similar to me. Helped her with lifts and food when she said she was broke and nothing to feed her dd. Helped her by her continuing to message everytime something was wrong and how badly everyone treated her blah blah blah. Even when she messaged in the evening or 2am always replied and was there. Even sorted all her benefits for her. Turned out she had 75 grand in the bank and had told another mum I did nothing for her and my daughter was a retarded cunt. ( aspergers). She was lucky she moved before I found that out or I'm doubtful I'd have been very calm then. Put me off helping people after that but then I realised I'd rather be me and help people than be a waste of oxygen like her.
Do t change who you are just change your friend xxxx

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