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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Childminder and car seats

131 replies

ineedtovent · 04/08/2019 11:45

I have a 22 month old DD and am looking for a new childminder currently.

My DD is still rear facing as it's obviously safer and I've no intention to front face her until there is a real reason to- it's something I'm quite passionate about as I work in a&e and see the outcomes of car accidents first hand.

We went to see a potential new childminder who advertises that she likes to take the children out on lots of trips out, and as such I was looking at the car seats.

I noted that she a) had really terrible quality seats (the cheapest available level cheap). I asked which seat my DD would be likely to go in and she pointed out a branded Disney one which I've looked at online since and had very very poor safety ratings. B) she said that she would not want to put my dd rear-facing despite my preference (and the endless evidence it's safer) as she would worry that if dd was sick in the car she wouldn't be able to see her.... when I suggested using mirrors to see the children the story changed to 'by 18 months they're too heavy to manoeuvre into a rear-facing position' and 'their legs look all scrunched up'. She made it very clear that she would have a go at putting dd rear facing but would probably find it too much hard work and turn her frontwards facing. Dd is small for her size for what it's worth.

The rubbish car seat is not the main issue as I have one I could leave with them for the day she is there, it's more the attitude towards car safety and parent wishes.

I will not be going with this childminder as she does not prioritise child safety (in my opinion)... but AIBU? Have spoken to friends with kids who think that I am being OTT. Do I need to accept that I cannot expect childcare to take the same approach to car safety as I do? I don't think I do, and am hoping other childminders will be better, but interested to hear other opinions!

OP posts:

Venger · 04/08/2019 11:54

Technically she isn't doing anything wrong. She has car seats that she is using correctly and while they're not great they do meet the (minimum) safety standards needed for sale in the UK.

Childminders will meet the wishes and preferences of parents where possible but they're not employees so have the right to say that they aren't willing to do it. You have the right to vote with your feet and take your business elsewhere.

This is why it's important to look around, ask questions, and visit settings so that you can find a childcare provider with more or less similar views and practices to your own or who are more able to meet requests.

superfudge · 04/08/2019 11:55

You are not being OTT, trust your instincts. It isn't just about safety (which is extremely important) but respecting your views and preferences for your child.

The childminder we chose for our son was rated Outstanding by Ofsted and she said all the right things about following a child's routine but when it came to it, this couldn't have been further from the reality (not bothering to give my child naps, putting him forward facing in the car and not writing down accidents) and we made the decision to move him for that very reason. He was settled and happy and I was loathe to move him but I just couldn't trust her with him. I know this is rare. I would definitely trust your instincts on this one.

CottonSock · 04/08/2019 11:56

I think you are being too picky really.

chuttypicks · 04/08/2019 14:38

YANBU. I wouldn't leave my child with her if she doesn't take car seat safety seriously. What other things will she be lax about when it comes to your child's safety? I absolutely agree with everything you've said.

Original poster

ineedtovent · 04/08/2019 17:27

Mixed bag, and thank you for all responses.

I actually don't think I am being picky, as I've said I'm happy to provide a suitable car seat (and mirror if she wants it), all she needs to do is put her in it if she wants to take her out.

OP posts:

CrispSandwiches19 · 04/08/2019 17:33

Our CM. when visiting asked whether she was rear or forward facing. And noted down.. She has good car seats but also said if I wanted to provide I could as long as correctly fits her car.. Guess we were lucky.

Booboostwo · 04/08/2019 17:34

YANBU the childminder does not seem amenable to reason and facts, which makes her an idiot. I wouldn’t want an idiot making decisions for my DC, today she is stupid about car seats, who knows what else she will be stupid about tomorrow?

icecreamsundae32 · 04/08/2019 17:36

Wow I used to be a childminder and if you were offering to supply the car seat I would most definitely have used it once you'd shown me how to fit it! I kept one mindee rear facing until 19 months - back then the law was only rear facing up to 9 months! Then she was big enough to move up to the next stage car seat and her parents were happy with this.

She sounds really lazy to be honest - if you are supplying the seat there is no excuse not to use it.... unless it doesn't fit in her car obviously. Keep looking you will find someone you are happy with.

Shmithecat2 · 04/08/2019 17:39

YANBU. Those horrid Disney shite car seats are no doubt Team Tex/Nania products - only tested to pass the bare minimum legal standards. Horrific crash test video

Original poster

ineedtovent · 04/08/2019 17:41

@Shmithecat2 😦😦it's just shocking that they are actually legal to use.
(And that someone who 'cares' for children would put children they are responsible for m in them)

OP posts:

Alarmclockstop · 04/08/2019 17:43

This is why I couldn't find a CM and went with a nursery.

june2007 · 04/08/2019 17:48

A lot of children at 18 months would be too big for rearfacing. (Mine were small babies though.) But the main thing is you are obviously not happy so move on to another minder/nursery.

NavyBerry · 04/08/2019 17:50

Any chance she would use the car seat you provide?
I'm using a rear facing one for my 19 months dd and go mental every time smb suggests not to bother with it.

britnay · 04/08/2019 17:51

My youngest was rear facing until he was 4.
Go with a different childminder, she doesn't sound as if the safety of her charges is high up in her priorities.

BarrenFieldofFucks · 04/08/2019 17:52

Yanbu at all. Picky indeed.

Liverpoolgirl52 · 04/08/2019 17:52

I’m a childminder and I only use Britax and Joie seats as I have researched car safety a lot. I’m happy for parents to provide certain seats for their children or to use ours. Before I researched I did not know certain seats were unsafe as why would they be sold? But I now know this isn’t the case, note why I bought decent seats for the children. My point is a lot of people genuinely do not know that these seats are not safe. I’d respect any parents wishes to keep their child safe, especially one who worked first hand with this sort of stuff, in A and E. Keep looking for other childminders, perhaps state in your message/email to them that you require your child to be rear facing at all times due to safety. I can’t see many childminders disagreeing with that and if they do then they’re not right for your family! Good luck with your search.

blackcat86 · 04/08/2019 17:55

There are all sorts of childminders out there so it's best to find the one as close to your values and wants as you can. You wont feel comfortable leaving DC knowing their safety is being compromised. It's a great way to discount her and move on to someone who can offer what you're looking for.

trilbydoll · 04/08/2019 17:56

The only potential problem I can see is the childminder fitting all the seats in the car, as the RF ones tend to be a bit bigger.

We used a nursery, just took things like this out of the equation entirely.

pjmask · 04/08/2019 17:59

This is why I couldn't find a CM and went with a nursery

I put mine with a CM because I couldn't find a nursery that took the children out every day. My DD would have gone stir crazy in the same room / small outside space for 10 hours every day. I do think with hindsight my CM had the more basic seats as she had three in a row and the bigger ones probably wouldn't have fit.

BertieBotts · 04/08/2019 18:00

This would bother me. Actually I'm looking for a childminder for DS2 just now and it's something I've thought about. I don't think it's ott to look for a different one. You should gel with her in as many ways as possible.

The childminder I had with DS1 was lovely and she had really cheap car seats, I didn't think much about it at the time, but as I learned more about it it did worry me. However she only ever went on local roads short distances. It was rare that they travelled in the car tbh and so I let it go as even the cheap car seats are tested at 30mph, and she was so lovely otherwise. If I thought that a childminder was doing more trips though it would be more of an issue.

LL83 · 04/08/2019 18:02

It would be a hassle for childminder to transfer your seat every day so I think many would avoid this.

Might be an idea to find a childminder who doesn't use the car much? Then it would only be for occasional journeys your child would be in a seat you dont approve of?

You're not being unreasonable but neither is childminder she just isn't the right fit for you.

lyralalala · 04/08/2019 18:03

I think there's a difference between a childminder who uses the next best seat because the two/three very very best don't all fit in the car and one who uses the cheapest possible seats.

It is appalling that such poor safety seats are available. Being for sale gives legitimacy to them (see also cot bumpers and socket covers with pins).

You are not OTT at all. Instinct is hugely important when it comes to CM's I've always found. The best childminder I've ever had had a 'good' OFSTED rating. There are several 'outstanding' CM's locally that I wouldn't trust to mind my cat.

iolaus · 04/08/2019 18:12

This isn't the right childminder for you - keep looking

Di11y · 04/08/2019 18:19

my childminder was happy to use the seat we provide. if they can't be bothered to heft into a seat occasionally or use a mirror I'd say unlikely to go the extra mile on other things- leaving in the car for a couple of mins while doing school pick up? supervising in the garden properly?

Passthecherrycoke · 04/08/2019 18:23

Yes I think you’re OTT. You obviously didn’t get on with the child minder and that’s fine but your car seat requirements are well cover the legal obligations so you can’t expect others to be doing similar. It’s good that your offered to pay for a second seat for her but I guess as others have said this could lead to issues moving them about

Pretty sure you’d be better off with a nursery

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