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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Childminder and car seats

131 replies

ineedtovent · 04/08/2019 11:45

I have a 22 month old DD and am looking for a new childminder currently.

My DD is still rear facing as it's obviously safer and I've no intention to front face her until there is a real reason to- it's something I'm quite passionate about as I work in a&e and see the outcomes of car accidents first hand.

We went to see a potential new childminder who advertises that she likes to take the children out on lots of trips out, and as such I was looking at the car seats.

I noted that she a) had really terrible quality seats (the cheapest available level cheap). I asked which seat my DD would be likely to go in and she pointed out a branded Disney one which I've looked at online since and had very very poor safety ratings. B) she said that she would not want to put my dd rear-facing despite my preference (and the endless evidence it's safer) as she would worry that if dd was sick in the car she wouldn't be able to see her.... when I suggested using mirrors to see the children the story changed to 'by 18 months they're too heavy to manoeuvre into a rear-facing position' and 'their legs look all scrunched up'. She made it very clear that she would have a go at putting dd rear facing but would probably find it too much hard work and turn her frontwards facing. Dd is small for her size for what it's worth.

The rubbish car seat is not the main issue as I have one I could leave with them for the day she is there, it's more the attitude towards car safety and parent wishes.

I will not be going with this childminder as she does not prioritise child safety (in my opinion)... but AIBU? Have spoken to friends with kids who think that I am being OTT. Do I need to accept that I cannot expect childcare to take the same approach to car safety as I do? I don't think I do, and am hoping other childminders will be better, but interested to hear other opinions!

OP posts:

pjmask · 04/08/2019 18:23

@Di11y I think that's a bit of a leap..... there is still a lack of understanding about the benefits of rear facing and I think many cms may not like the idea of having to store and fit someone else's car seat every day. Doesn't mean she's not going to supervise the children!

myself2020 · 04/08/2019 18:26

Our childminder uses her own seats mostly (mid range, not the most expensive, but not cheap either). you can leave a seat with her though, no problem (did that with my youngest from 6-18 months).

cansu · 04/08/2019 18:34

I think she really ought to have mid range decent quality seats.She should have her rear facing if that is what you've asked for. I think you are right about her not having the right attitude. I am a very laid back parent but safety is not something she should be willing to be so casual about. Keep looking.

cakesandphotos · 04/08/2019 18:36

@june2007 the vast majority of children can easily rear face until 4. Too big is not an acceptable reason not to IMO

moreismore · 04/08/2019 18:40

I don’t think you’re being at all unreasonable but I have yet to have a single friend or family member be supportive about me doing extended rear facing. They have no interest in the facts, all I hear is ‘well if it wasn’t safe it would be illegal’. I actually think the law on car seats is criminally lax. I feel like some kind of raving maverick for having done a bit of research and chosen the safest option.

Thesearmsofmine · 04/08/2019 18:41

YANBU rear facing is becoming more popular and she needs to accommodate this because you will not be the only parent she comes across who wishes to keep their child RF.

I wouldn’t use someone who only used the. Hearst seats available, I wouldn’t expect the top of the range but using those cheapy ones shows that she has done no research into them.

My son is still RF at 3.5.

Thesearmsofmine · 04/08/2019 18:42

cheapest*

Amara123 · 04/08/2019 18:43

You're not unreasonable. Spoke to my cm and she thought forward facing was fine (as did I). Then I did some research and realised extended rear facing was far safer. Sent her the info and she couldn't believe the difference and did some more research. Was happy to use the rear facing seat we picked together.
It's ok not to be 100% up to date but to be given the info and still persist in poor practice isn't great!

JellyNo15 · 04/08/2019 18:49

I am a childminder and have recently bought three new Joie Stages car seats so I can rear face until 18kg. This is an issue I feel very strongly about after researching it. They are listed suitable for my model of car too. Yes, it is a bit more of a faff to put the children in the seats, especially the middle seat but it is worth it should we be involved in an accident.

However, this particular childminder is not breaking the law but not following best practice. I notice that my local nursery does drop off and collections for some families and they don't use rear facing past fifteen months.

concernedforthefuture · 04/08/2019 18:49

I see childminders from my town buying car seats on the Facebook selling pages . It was for this reason that my children went to nursery.

mummyof2darlings · 04/08/2019 18:56

Do not use her! If she is refusing to do this you don't know what else she might refuse to do when I got a cm for my son I said I didn't want him to be left to cry to sleep etc she then ignored my request and started getting really nasty towards me

HiJenny35 · 04/08/2019 18:57

YANBU, I would be worried about what other things she would think were acceptable.

nokidshere · 04/08/2019 19:01

Your childminder needs to be on the same wavelength as you, this one isn't so look for another. Find someone who doesn't use the car so regularly if necessary.

You cannot berate all childminders because they don't do or feel the same as you. The seats are legal and she is doing what is required (and accepted by most parents). You have found out yourself that most of your friends and family think you are being ott. As a childminder I would always try to do as the parent requested but no-one (in over 20yrs) has ever asked me to provide a rear facing seat for their child. I've always used my own (Britax) or the one that they have provided.

Original poster

ineedtovent · 04/08/2019 19:04

@nokidshere I have not berated all childminders- Nor have I asked her to provide a rear facing child seat. She already has one but its appalling and I have said I would provide a better one myself... she just has to put the child in it.

OP posts:

pjmask · 04/08/2019 19:07

@ineedtovent can you tell us the car seat she has?

SuzieQ10 · 04/08/2019 19:09

I'm surprised she wouldn't use the car seat you offered to provide so long as it fit in the car along with the other car seats. But not particularly about the rear facing.

I never expected my DD childminder to rear face by this stage, even though she had been in our car. Our Childminder has other kids in the car and only going on short journeys locally. She wasn't the one for you, perhaps you are being a bit picky but that's your prerogative. Hope you find someone you like.

Original poster

ineedtovent · 04/08/2019 19:13

This is the one she said would be used for DD... 🤭

OP posts:

stucknoue · 04/08/2019 19:14

It's tricky because the rear facing thing is new (it was switch them around at 9 months/20lbs when my kids were small) and she's right about sickness. If she's meeting legal requirements she is doing nothing wrong. A badly fitted rear facing seat is not as safe as a well fitted forward facing, not all cars can accommodate the extended rear facing ones because they are huge. As a parent you need to find someone you are happy with, but I would not make car seats be your deciding factor. (My dd was in an accident forward facing at 2, her well fitted car seat saved her life according to the firefighters, we tried several seats at the shop to find one that was a good fit for our car rather than simply looking at star ratings)

Drum2018 · 04/08/2019 19:16

No need to make such an issue out of it. Other parents are obviously happy with her as their childminder. You're not going to use her to mind your child so find someone compatible with your needs and forget about her.

Original poster

ineedtovent · 04/08/2019 19:19

@Drum2018 I don't think I have made such an issue out of it, haven't said anything at all to the childminder, have just asked for opinions of whether my expectations are too high 🤷‍♂️

OP posts:

Nutellaontoast19 · 04/08/2019 19:20

Choose another childminder or a nursery.

My DD is 5 and still rear facing. I wouldn’t compromise on this.

Nuttyaboutnutella · 04/08/2019 19:28

YANBU. It's something I absolutely would not compromise on and exactly the reason why I chose a nursery for my son as opposed to a childminder. He's nearly 2.5 and still RF.

Userzzzzz · 04/08/2019 19:28

I wouldn’t be happy with anyone doing regular journeys using forward facing for a child that age. My tall 3 year old is still comfortably in her rear facing seat. To be honest, even if I was ok with forward facing, I wouldn’t be happy with the crappy Disney ones. Yes they are legal but the minimum. In the same way I wouldn’t use a child care setting that regularly fed my child nuggets and chips. Once you’re aware of the benefits, it seems shocking that someone in charge of other people’s kids is happy to have the minimum standard.

Passthecherrycoke · 04/08/2019 19:34

Tbf that’s really not the cheapest Of the cheap. My spare seat is 1/2 that price. Also the Disney stuff is just a design, nothing more. No different to it being purple

escapade1234 · 04/08/2019 19:40

I have three children, I am a responsible, sensible human being. I cannot understand this absolute mania about car seats! Mine were all front facing and much happier travelers for it from as soon as they were out of their first carry-cot style seats, circa 1 year. How odd to make a 4 yr old face the back when the car and everyone else is traveling forwards.

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