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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Childminder and car seats

131 replies

ineedtovent · 04/08/2019 11:45

I have a 22 month old DD and am looking for a new childminder currently.

My DD is still rear facing as it's obviously safer and I've no intention to front face her until there is a real reason to- it's something I'm quite passionate about as I work in a&e and see the outcomes of car accidents first hand.

We went to see a potential new childminder who advertises that she likes to take the children out on lots of trips out, and as such I was looking at the car seats.

I noted that she a) had really terrible quality seats (the cheapest available level cheap). I asked which seat my DD would be likely to go in and she pointed out a branded Disney one which I've looked at online since and had very very poor safety ratings. B) she said that she would not want to put my dd rear-facing despite my preference (and the endless evidence it's safer) as she would worry that if dd was sick in the car she wouldn't be able to see her.... when I suggested using mirrors to see the children the story changed to 'by 18 months they're too heavy to manoeuvre into a rear-facing position' and 'their legs look all scrunched up'. She made it very clear that she would have a go at putting dd rear facing but would probably find it too much hard work and turn her frontwards facing. Dd is small for her size for what it's worth.

The rubbish car seat is not the main issue as I have one I could leave with them for the day she is there, it's more the attitude towards car safety and parent wishes.

I will not be going with this childminder as she does not prioritise child safety (in my opinion)... but AIBU? Have spoken to friends with kids who think that I am being OTT. Do I need to accept that I cannot expect childcare to take the same approach to car safety as I do? I don't think I do, and am hoping other childminders will be better, but interested to hear other opinions!

OP posts:
Celebelly · 04/08/2019 20:28

no need to lecture everyone else

But there is, because so many people aren't aware that ERF is a thing or how much safer it is. This is a thread that talks about rear-facing seats. It's perfectly relevant, and if one person who wasn't aware goes and does their research then job done.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 04/08/2019 20:28

You probably won’t find a childminder who agrees with you on absolutely everything. Or a nursery either. Ideally you want one who shares the same primary values and is willing to respect your wishes. Compromise on food/tv/etc, not safety.

I’m not a childminder but I know I wouldn’t cope with changing isofix car seats regularly. I hate it so much we currently have 4 ERF seats in the cars the children go in regularly.

Skiaddicted · 04/08/2019 20:34

I really hate how heated these conversations get, it really doesnt improve chances of people researching rear facing.

But I'd suggest if anyone is the teeniest bit interested in wondering about the how or whys of rear facing above say a year i would join "A-Z of rear facing" on facebook and maybe have a look through.

Its the same as cot bumpers, most people now know theyre not safe but still for sale (madness really how UK legislation puts childrens safety at such a low priority)

Zebrasinpyjamas · 04/08/2019 20:36

I didn't use a cm but I wouldn't be happy without an erf seat either. Dc2 is still rear facing at 3. Dc1 front facing from 4 .
I think lots of people feel me choosing to keep m y DC rear facing is an implied criticism of their own parenting decisions so get worked up about it. My own DC don't comment in it particularly as it's the norm for them

avocadotofu · 04/08/2019 20:43

You're definitely not being unreasonable, she doesn't sound like she knows much about car safety and I think you should definitely trust your instincts.

underneaththeash · 04/08/2019 20:50

I looked after my friends toddler a couple of weekends ago, she brought a rear facing car seat....we had the option with both DC2&3 but DC2 just yelled, so we swapped back to FF.

I was really worried about not being about to see him..it’s seems completely counterintuitive when you usually watch toddlers all the time, so I can completely see where she is coming from. I stopped the car a few times to check on him - of course it was fine.
But, with my own children, i’d still rather have then FF. (we used to have babies rear-facing in the front with no air bag.

However, she may well just be happy to have yours rear facing.

HavelockVetinari · 04/08/2019 20:56

But, with my own children, i’d still rather have then FF.

@underneaththeash can I ask why?

HavelockVetinari · 04/08/2019 20:57

I mean, the evidence is so strong that rest facing is much safer - why would you not do that?

HavelockVetinari · 04/08/2019 20:57

*rear

yesthatstheone · 04/08/2019 21:31

My DD is 5 and still rear facing. I wouldn’t compromise on this.

Lol

lyralalala · 04/08/2019 21:37

How odd to make a 4 yr old face the back when the car and everyone else is traveling forwards.

It’s no more odd than the fact my 4 yr old has to hold my hand crossing the road, but my 11 yr old doesn’t.

TeaMe · 04/08/2019 21:40

@june2007 they can put their legs over the sides, sit cross legged or put their feet on the back of the actual seat. It's a myth that they get too big that young. There are seats that can rear face even older than four!

lyralalala · 04/08/2019 21:53

I was really worried about not being about to see him..it’s seems completely counterintuitive when you usually watch toddlers all the time, so I can completely see where she is coming from. I stopped the car a few times to check on him - of course it was fine.

You just need a mirror in the back. You normally see your kids behind you in the car in a mirror anyway so it doesn’t make any difference really

Booboostwo · 04/08/2019 22:13

Everyone should be rear facing really, with the obvious exception of the driver. The evidence is overwhelming, but the public take longer to change their ingrained, irrational views and car manufacturers take even longer to change their designs.

Nutellaontoast19 · 04/08/2019 22:17

@yesthatstheone
Lol indeed. That’s what safety evidence makes me do..... Hmm

CensorshipHereIsAJoke · 04/08/2019 22:33

When I was little I remember seeing the local childminder picking up kids from school. They all got in the boot of her Datsun, so compared to that yabu 😂

BarrenFieldofFucks · 04/08/2019 22:34

My older kids both rear faces until gone 4, with no complaints at all. 🤷 Youngest is only 21 months and had to do a FF journey the other week and cried most of the time, I think he just couldn't relax.

The older kids used to say that it was actually more comfortable rear facing as their legs were supported instead of dangling over the seats.

Fitch77 · 04/08/2019 22:37

Barren - that's what my kids said. They hated having their feet dangling as they slipped down in the HBB.

Fitch77 · 04/08/2019 22:38

Plus rear facing, they had a much better view out of the side and back windows.

randomsabreuse · 04/08/2019 22:47

DC1 is RF for now (nearly 4) but is getting tall for her 2 way elite - she now has a HBB for grandparents' car because the ERF seat we had previously was definitely too small (eyes level with top of headrest) and if would be more or less impossible to fit the 2 way elite in with the position they need their seats in!

Some children might be safer FF - if they truly hate RF and scream constantly crashing is probably more likely- safest thing is not to crash!

JanewaysBun · 04/08/2019 22:49

For sure yanbu.
I only found out at the beginning of this year how important erf is. I would not allow DS to ride in her car in this manner. Also perfectly happy to buy a seat for her to use.

Bambamber · 04/08/2019 22:54

YANBU

This is the reason my in laws aren't allowed to take my daughter anywhere by car, because they will not have her rear facing. They don't understand the need for rear facing, but years ago people didn't understand the need for car seats at all. They use the excuse 'but we will only go for a short drive' because apparently accidents only happen when on a long drive Hmm

CharlesLeeRay · 04/08/2019 22:55

YANBU, I'm the same with car safety with my little one. She will not be front facing until necessary. I'm petrified of the road as it is and that's why I don't drive.

yourestandingonmyneck · 04/08/2019 23:27

The cheap Disney seat would have been a massive red flag for me.

When I went to see a childminder for my youngest son a few years ago I didn't even ask about car seats. I (very naively) assumed that if I, a lay person, knew that a good quality ERF seat was essential, a registered childminder would undoubtedly know.

A while later i happened to see one of the seats in her house. It wasn't Disney but it was pretty shoddy and it wasn't ERF.

By this point I wasn't too surprised as it transpired that the childminder was actually incredibly lazy and didn't take the kids anywhere. She didn't do any of the things she told Ofsted she did. He left there soon after as I just wasn't happy with her in general.

Hopefully you can find another childminder (or nursery). Good luck x

Cohle · 05/08/2019 00:12

Do I need to accept that I cannot expect childcare to take the same approach to car safety as I do?

It's her business and, provided she is meeting the minimum safety requirements, it's entirely up to her what services she chooses to offer.

It's certainly unreasonable of you to expect her to take the same approach to car safety as you do. I hope you find a childminder who shares your views.

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