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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Childminder and car seats

131 replies

ineedtovent · 04/08/2019 11:45

I have a 22 month old DD and am looking for a new childminder currently.

My DD is still rear facing as it's obviously safer and I've no intention to front face her until there is a real reason to- it's something I'm quite passionate about as I work in a&e and see the outcomes of car accidents first hand.

We went to see a potential new childminder who advertises that she likes to take the children out on lots of trips out, and as such I was looking at the car seats.

I noted that she a) had really terrible quality seats (the cheapest available level cheap). I asked which seat my DD would be likely to go in and she pointed out a branded Disney one which I've looked at online since and had very very poor safety ratings. B) she said that she would not want to put my dd rear-facing despite my preference (and the endless evidence it's safer) as she would worry that if dd was sick in the car she wouldn't be able to see her.... when I suggested using mirrors to see the children the story changed to 'by 18 months they're too heavy to manoeuvre into a rear-facing position' and 'their legs look all scrunched up'. She made it very clear that she would have a go at putting dd rear facing but would probably find it too much hard work and turn her frontwards facing. Dd is small for her size for what it's worth.

The rubbish car seat is not the main issue as I have one I could leave with them for the day she is there, it's more the attitude towards car safety and parent wishes.

I will not be going with this childminder as she does not prioritise child safety (in my opinion)... but AIBU? Have spoken to friends with kids who think that I am being OTT. Do I need to accept that I cannot expect childcare to take the same approach to car safety as I do? I don't think I do, and am hoping other childminders will be better, but interested to hear other opinions!

OP posts:

Imustbemad00 · 05/08/2019 00:32

Can I ask what sort of seats people use for a 6/7 year old. Mine is in a £50 Gracie seat which I thought was quite good but now I’m a bit worried. Although I thought by this age it’s more about boosting them for seatbelt placement than anything else?
I didn’t have a car until he was 3/4 and I’ll admit I did use an old grace seat that was my oldest child’s (never been in an accident) until I bought the latest one.
Now feel bad that since he was 3 the most I’ve spent on a car seat is £50. This thread has made me think I should of had something different.

Teddybear45 · 05/08/2019 00:39

There is this misconception that people need to be spending a lot on carseats. The truth is every carseat bought from an approved retailer in the UK are built to the same standard. Yes rear facing seats are safer but that doesn’t mean someone who can’t afford them ‘doesn’t care about child safety’.

lyralalala · 05/08/2019 00:45

The truth is every carseat bought from an approved retailer in the UK are built to the same standard.

They’re built to the same basic standard. They aren’t all build the same beyond that though.

Just like all cars have basic safety features, but some have more and better features and therefore get better results and offer more protection car seats are the same.

Celebelly · 05/08/2019 00:50

No, they're built to the same minimum standard, not the same standard. There's a legal standard everything has to adhere to, but the better seats go above and beyond. Same as cars - they all have to adhere to minimum safety standards but some have a higher safety rating than others.

There's a great FB group, Car Seat Advice UK, which has loads of really knowledgeable people, so I'd recommend joining if you want to ask questions about car seat safety or ask for seat suggestions to fit your specific car or situation. There's a complementary website too: www.carseatadvice-uk.com/

Celebelly · 05/08/2019 00:50

Cross posted with you, @lyralalala!

merlotqueen · 05/08/2019 00:50

Never, ever use a childminder you don't trust, NEVER.

BertieBotts · 05/08/2019 07:08

I wouldn't assume that because she is ignorant of best practice car safety she is negligent in other areas of safety - that's crazy. She's bought a legally approved seat for the appropriate age range and she has opinions about which seats she is willing to use - that to me says she does care about safety in general, she just has different priorities to OP which means they are probably not a good fit.

It is fine to take a hard line on something but you shouldn't expect everybody to agree.

Also, I would not use that seat myself but it is a bit mean spirited to post it on a public forum with a laughing emoji

Imustbemad Really the stage you need to worry about safety wise is the stage where they are still harnessed but out of the baby seat. Booster seats are less safety critical and if you have one where the seatbelt is placed appropriately (thighs not tummy for lap belt, collarbone for shoulder belt) and the seat itself is in good condition, not old or bashed about then all good. You can get seats with better side impact protection than the Graco one but I would not say it is unsafe. You can get decent high backed boosters for under £50 easily.

Original poster

ineedtovent · 05/08/2019 07:14

@BertieBotts it's a shock emoji on my keyboard, and I won't apologise for that, because I am shocked people caring for children would use them!

OP posts:

WishIwas19again · 05/08/2019 07:21

We looked at childminder last year and out of the 5 we saw not one would accept using a rear facing car seat. They all said it was too complicated to swap seats around (we offered to provide our own) or that they couldn't guarantee a particular seat as they had different children each day of different ages etc.. I was really surprised and disappointed.

Our nursery (Ofsted outstanding) is equally poor with car seats, they didn't even know if they had isofix in the company cars and hinted that other parents turned a blind eye to their child not quite meeting the weight restrictions for a high back booster. We had to have our DD miss a trip as I wasn't happy with the provision.

My Dd has just gone FF and she's nearly 5 years old. It's not unusual these days, you are not wrong to expect the best safety when putting your child in another person's hands.

BertieBotts · 05/08/2019 10:21

Oh I see - well you should know it looks like a giggling face on some platforms, could cause misunderstanding.

I don't think it's particularly shocking a childminder uses a seat that accounts for over 80% of car seat sales, I do think it's shocking these seats are allowed to be sold though TBH.

MaverickSnoopy · 05/08/2019 12:02

What I think is shocking is that in this day and age people are still so in the dark about car seat safety and that when highlighted, people say you are wrong or overreacting. The research is there and many other countries have greater safety standards than we do.

OP YANBU. I'm a Childminder - I don't drive but if I did I would offer or use an erf seat. I do understand why some childminders don't. Our erf seat has lots of straps and it would take an age to put in and out. I think in this childminders shoes I would, once informed of the safety considerations, agree to take a seat on one off occasions but on a day to day basis try to walk everywhere.

To me the issue is not the fact that she wont take an erf seat, but that she's being so laid back about safety once presented with the facts.

yourestandingonmyneck · 05/08/2019 15:41

To the people saying it's fine for childminders to use these seats, and they can't be expected to care as much and do as much research as the parents etc.....I find that very odd.

If childcare was my profession I would take a pride in it and I would want to be at the absolute top of my game as regards child safety.

Firstly, for professional integrity. Secondly, if a childminder was in a car accident and a child was injured (or worse) - would they really just crack on with their life and job and think no more about it? Or would they be plagued by thoughts of "could I have prevented that?" "Could I have done something better?"

This may be the crux of the differing opinions though. I got rid of our childminder because I felt she was just too casual about the whole thing. I don't see it as a "casual" job, I see it as a profession in which they should be incredibly involved and dedicated, and a big part of that is in keeping safety knowledge etc up to date.

BertieBotts · 05/08/2019 15:53

I don't think that most people generally think about car seats very much. Not because they don't care, but because they don't realise that it makes as much difference as it does. The everyday purpose of a car seat is to keep children contained and comfortable in the car, not flying around every time you go round a corner or brake, and not touching things they shouldn't or being a distraction to the driver. Of course they also have a function of hopefully preventing injury or death in a crash but this function will also, hopefully, never be called upon. Many people see the everyday function as the primary function and the safety features as a still important, but only secondary one.

lyralalala · 05/08/2019 17:18

I think a lot of people just believe that all seats sold have to be of a certain standard therefore they are safe, and don’t realise that there is a vast difference between the safety of seats. Being on sale gives people a false assurance that something is good and safe - see for bumpers and socket covers as examples.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 05/08/2019 18:29

I do think this CM sounds like she is using particularly poor seats BUT, no you can be completely prescriptive.

She is running a business. Car seats are terrifically expensive (rear facing in particular), can't be bought second hand and usually only last about 6 years, so if she has 3 in her car, could need to be buying new ones every couple of years.

Yes you've offered to provide one. What if it doesn't fit well in her car? You want your child rear facing, in my experience, with a group 1 rear facing passenger the front seats have to be quite far forward, this may not fit her as a driver or her other passengers, if she has 3 children across the back plus another child sat in the front for a school run, space really is a consideration. Many children are sick more when rear facing (all the kids in my family are sick only when rear facing) and it's reasonable that she doesn't want her car constantly being vomitted on.

I would talk to her about offering a better quality seat, but one which does suit her needs, and accept that that may not be rear facing.

BertieBotts · 05/08/2019 18:32

I don't think it's a hugely unreasonable assumption to make TBH. If I hadn't been on so many internet forums I don't think I would have realised. I had a Mothercare own car seat for DS1 for the baby stage (which quite by chance, used to be made by Dorel and I think the model I had was identical to the Maxi Cosi Citi). I also quite happily buy the cheapest cot, cot mattress, stairgate, and expect these to perform just as well (particularly in terms of safety) as one which is 2, 3, or 4 times the price, and I don't think that's an unreasonable expectation.

Original poster