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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Childminder and car seats

131 replies

ineedtovent · 04/08/2019 11:45

I have a 22 month old DD and am looking for a new childminder currently.

My DD is still rear facing as it's obviously safer and I've no intention to front face her until there is a real reason to- it's something I'm quite passionate about as I work in a&e and see the outcomes of car accidents first hand.

We went to see a potential new childminder who advertises that she likes to take the children out on lots of trips out, and as such I was looking at the car seats.

I noted that she a) had really terrible quality seats (the cheapest available level cheap). I asked which seat my DD would be likely to go in and she pointed out a branded Disney one which I've looked at online since and had very very poor safety ratings. B) she said that she would not want to put my dd rear-facing despite my preference (and the endless evidence it's safer) as she would worry that if dd was sick in the car she wouldn't be able to see her.... when I suggested using mirrors to see the children the story changed to 'by 18 months they're too heavy to manoeuvre into a rear-facing position' and 'their legs look all scrunched up'. She made it very clear that she would have a go at putting dd rear facing but would probably find it too much hard work and turn her frontwards facing. Dd is small for her size for what it's worth.

The rubbish car seat is not the main issue as I have one I could leave with them for the day she is there, it's more the attitude towards car safety and parent wishes.

I will not be going with this childminder as she does not prioritise child safety (in my opinion)... but AIBU? Have spoken to friends with kids who think that I am being OTT. Do I need to accept that I cannot expect childcare to take the same approach to car safety as I do? I don't think I do, and am hoping other childminders will be better, but interested to hear other opinions!

OP posts:

MerryDeath · 04/08/2019 19:42

YANBU i would not be happy with such an attitude

Fitch77 · 04/08/2019 19:43

I'm a childminder and I don't think you're being unreasonable.

I can't believe that people still don't realise how much safer rear facing is and offer it to those who want it.

My kids rear faced to beyond 5 years old.

I'm more careful with other people's children than I am.with my own as I never want to be the person that has to say to a parent 'your child was in my care and they're now badly hurt'.

I think with every job, you get people who are committed and those who aren't too bothered.

Plus, I don't trust OFSTED ratings completely. You can get outstanding but still not have a clue about car seat safety. I'm aiming for a good and will be happy with that.

If the kids in my care feel welcome, happy, safe and loved in the absence of their parents then I'm good with that.

Fitch77 · 04/08/2019 19:45

Plus, some people don't get the laws of physics and have never seen an extended rear facing seat. These people that don't 'get' ERF are those that imagine a 4 year old squashed into an infant carrier.

ANiceLuxury · 04/08/2019 19:47

YANBU. Im exactly the same as you regarding carseats.

No way would i go with a childminder who didn't have top safety rating car seats.

Passthecherrycoke · 04/08/2019 19:50

It’s not about physics Fitch, it’s about attitude to risk

PatchworkElmer · 04/08/2019 19:52

YANBU- I would worry that, if she’s not aware of the benefits of ERF, she might also be unaware that car seats have expiry dates, for example. It doesn’t sound like car seat safety is a priority for her, and it is for you- so don’t use her.

I’m another one that uses a nursery for this (and other) reasons.

StripeySocks29 · 04/08/2019 19:55

Op the way I look at it is that most things in life will be fine if you choose the ‘that’ll do’ option but when it comes to choosing someone to look after your child it has to be perfect, so if you only want someone who places a lot of emphasis on car safety and buys the best equipment then that’s what you need to find. I think if your business is looking after children then you need to invest in good quality car seats and a vehicle with and excellent safety rating even if it eats into your profits a bit, and let’s face it she’s most likely bought the cheapest seats because ‘they’ll do’.

Fitch77 · 04/08/2019 20:01

There is so much ignorance around still about ERF. It amazes me! ERF has been around in this country for more than 8 years, it's not a new thing.

Plus there are ERF seats available that don't take up much room at all.

When it comes to car seat safety, I don't take risks with my own kids or other people's.

This is speaking from experience of being spun 360° several times over by a lorry clipping the back of my car and then subsequently having a head on collision with another car after the spinning. The adults in the car were injured and suffered with those injuries for more than a year. The three kiddies in the car, safely protected in decent quality seats, walked away without a single scratch!

Whatafackinliberty · 04/08/2019 20:04

I'd imagine the childminder is relieved you've gone elsewhere.

Celebelly · 04/08/2019 20:05

YANBU. Car safety is something I wouldn't compromise on, and I'd expect a childminder to a) know best practice and b) be willing to face my child the way I want, particularly if I am supplying the chair. It takes 30 seconds and less than a tenner to buy and install a mirror, so that's a shitty argument.

Celebelly · 04/08/2019 20:08

And also, to those poo-pooing the idea of ERF - try doing some research first, eh? 'My kids all faced forward from blah blah and were fine'. Great. That's utterly irrelevant so pipe down.

Passthecherrycoke · 04/08/2019 20:11

No one said that celebelly, did they? Are you just spoiling for a fight that isn’t there?

greenwaterbottle · 04/08/2019 20:12

(I was a childminder)
I wouldn't let you put a car seat in my car each day and I wouldn't have time to keep swapping it in and out.
But I spent nigh on a £500 on car seats and all were highly rated with the youngest rear facing.
It'd be tricky to have all rear facing re getting to middle child and having space for three on the back seat.
Some Chm see it as a priority and others see it as a way to cut finances

Shmithecat2 · 04/08/2019 20:13

@Celebelly

Indeed. They were fine because they didn't have an accident.

@ineedtovent, yep, that's the exact seat I thought it would be, Team Tex shite.

@june2007

Depending on the seat and the child, it's quite possible for children upwards of 5yo to rearface. Where did you get your info from?

Celebelly · 04/08/2019 20:14

Someone did say that.

' I cannot understand this absolute mania about car seats! Mine were all front facing and much happier travelers for it from as soon as they were out of their first carry-cot style seats, circa 1 year. How odd to make a 4 yr old face the back when the car and everyone else is traveling forwards.'

And I'm not spoiling for a fight as there's nothing to fight about. Rear-facing is a lot safer than front-facing, that's it. There's nothing to fight about there.

cakesandphotos · 04/08/2019 20:15

@escapade1234 it's absolutely not mania. It's proven research that says a child is 500 times safer rear facing. My mind boggles at parents who choose to forward face as early as possible

JusticeForBarb · 04/08/2019 20:15

No I don’t think you’re being OTT or unreasonable. I wouldn’t expect a childminder to have a crazy expensive seat, but I think I’d want them to have more than just a £20 piece of styrofoam?

Fitch77 · 04/08/2019 20:16

Anyway OP, YANBU.

Find yourself a decent childminder who cares about their mindees. There are plenty of us out there. Don't be put off at the first hurdle.

Skiaddicted · 04/08/2019 20:17

YANBU, not even a little bit, it wont be long until 15m is the minimum in the UK for RF and I'm hopeful after that it'll be not long til its 4yrs!

Its safer by such a long way, even for adults but for young children the difference is immense. There is a Canadian lady campaigning for more awareness after 2 of 3 of her children died in legal but not the safest car seats.

All that aside, just go elsewhere and chose someone else, or a nursery as then it saves the hassle

Passthecherrycoke · 04/08/2019 20:17

Oh right so “those” was referring to one post then

Celebelly · 04/08/2019 20:22

Nothing like trying to backtrack when you realise you haven't read the thread properly, eh?

Anyway, having worked for the emergency services and been involved in some truly horrendous crashes where children have died, car safety is not something I take lightly. DD will be rear-facing as long as possible because if we're in an accident, I don't want 'But she can't see the scenery' or 'It looks weird' to be the reason we are planning her funeral. Sorry if that seems blunt, but when you've had to speak to the distraught parents of children killed in crashes, you get a bit militant about things like that.

Please, please research car seats. Don't just buy any old shite. There's loads of info out there, but car seats are the one thing that you shouldn't try to cut corners or save money on.

user1471549213 · 04/08/2019 20:22

June2007 most 18 month olds are definitely NOT too big for rear facing..they may be too big for a group 0 car seat but many car seats rear face to 18kg or 25kg so your average 4 or 7 year old. My DD will.be 5 in January and still has oodles of space and time left in her rear facing car seat.

Celebelly · 04/08/2019 20:24

There is a Canadian lady campaigning for more awareness after 2 of 3 of her children died in legal but not the safest car seats.

This is such a sad story I read it recently. Kudos to her for being strong enough to campaign after losing two of her kids. Horrific. And further proof that 'legal' sometimes isn't enough when it comes to car seats.

Passthecherrycoke · 04/08/2019 20:25

No- there are over 70 posts on this thread and you’re getting really aggressive about 1. However now I can see you were probably just desperate to post the above diatribe- it’s not all about you. Put your daughter in whatever seat you want, no need to lecture everyone else

HavelockVetinari · 04/08/2019 20:25

Mine were all front facing and much happier travelers for it from as soon as they were out of their first carry-cot style seats, circa 1 year. How odd to make a 4 yr old face the back when the car and everyone else is traveling forwards.

Oh aye well that's grand, as long as the kids are happy why does it matter if their spine is fractured by an accident?

The evidence regarding rear-facing vs. forward facing seats is crystal clear. My DSis is a paediatric consultant who's done many, many shifts in A&E. She says she would never forward face till the child is at least 5 in line with Scandinavian law. Child out-grows the seat? Buy a new one! Nothing is more important than your child's life. Nothing. So your DC prefer to forward face? Tough shit! You're the parent. My DS would prefer to live on toast and ice cream, I still make him eat his vegetables

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