To be annoyed with DH

[18YearsAMummy]

It has taken me a lot to start a thread on here.

When he is out of the house he never answers his phone the first time I call him, however he will call back 2-5 hours later and during that time I am filled with worry and anxiety.

He went out yesterday, I called him just after 9pm just to see if he was ok and to ask what time he would be home, as usual he never answered, I called up until 11.30 (not back to back) still no answer, I then called his cousin his cousin said “he is here” and passed the phone to him.

I suffer from anxiety and he knows this, whenever I don’t answer my phone to him which is rare, he will call everyone close to me and her very annoyed with me.

I know that he is probably fine, but I start getting intrusive thought that something has happened to him.

He arrived home around 3am had a shower and thought it was ok to put his cold hand on my back then get into bed like nothing has happened.

Guys I just can’t cope with this nonsense anymore, we are both getting of age now even though we something act like we are our early 20s I’m 38 and he is 39.

Please tell me I’m not being over dramatic.

JonSlow I will definitely be getting rid off him, I don’t want him here and I don’t want him in our bed neither.

Can you please help me end it with him?

I wanted to go out today to meet my friend & her little boy who is the same age as DS7, DS doesn’t really have many friends in school and the pair of them get on very well, so I thought it would be nice.

I told DH that I’ll be going out today, and if he could take DS9 & 12 out, but he says he is busy today because he is going out to get himself holiday clothes, and he doesn’t want to take them anywhere because it will be busy because it’s the holidays and we can wait until we are on holiday to do things together.

He has gone out now, I am still going to go out, now I have to sort out childcare for DS9 & 12. I am in the right mind to take them to DH mums house for the day.

I am just so pissed off! I shouldn’t have to live like this, he is so inconsiderate.

Can you take them with you? If not then take them to his mum's.

Butterymuffin DS9 will be coming along, DS12 says he doesn’t want to come with us and I don’t blame him. So I need to arrange somewhere else for him to go before 2pm.

How mature is DS12? If he's mature enough at 12, couldn't you leave him at home?

If not, then drop him at his nan's.

What help do you want to leave your H? The general advice is to find out about all the finances, get copies of his wage slips, bank statements, pensions, etc.
Find out how much the utility bills are, work out your own income, and then go to entitled to, to find out if you'll be eligible for benefits and how much you're likely to get.
Get birth, and marriage certificates, and passports if you have them, and hide them away. Do you have a good friend you could ask to look after them?

Get legal advice. This is important! Take the financial information with you, so the solicitor can offer concise advice, rather than more generalised advice.

Don't tell him you're leaving him/kicking him out, until you've got everything ready.

Motoko DS12 is very mature and responsible for his age, so he did stay home.

We had a nice few hours out, DS7 enjoyed himself which I’m very happy about. DH started to call, I answered to tell him that I was out and I’d be home later, with that I ended the call.

He called back, but I didn’t answer (the same thing he does to me) he sent me two texts asking where I am and who with.

I didn’t reply back to him, we got home a little while ago, he demanded to know where I was, and why did I leave DS12 home alone and went on to say suppose something happened to me (acting as if he cares)

He has now gone out.

Send him on holidays with the kids and stay home yourself and clear your head.

Howyiz

No, I am looking forward to going. My 7 year old is also looking forward to going too, I’ve been preparing him for the past 3 weeks.

I’m just feeling really stressed out, I don’t know why he keeps behaving like this. I am a good person, yes I know I suffer from anxiety but he has said before that he is used to it.

My abusive ex used to demand to know where I'd been, and who with, etc. Luckily it was pre-mobile days, so he couldn't bug me that way, but I'm sure he would if he could.

They don't like you meeting other people and enjoying yourself with them. If you're doing that, you're not ground down enough, and could leave them.

I'm glad you had a nice time, you should do it more often. Having a good friend I could escape to for a few hours, helped me get through that time. Don't underestimate how beneficial, doing your own thing with other people, is.

He does it because he can, he is a dickhead.
Honestly, read back your own posts, without trying to explain why he does it, just look at the actual behaviour.

Motoko Thanks, you sound lovely I need to get out more with DS7 and I will make sure that I do.

Howyiz I have read back through the whole thread, I didn’t get any sleep last night DS7 just wasn’t tired and wanted to play with his toys, so I couldn’t go to sleep knowing he is awake by himself.

DH wants to be nice to me today, he suggested that me and him go and do something nice together, I told him that I don’t want to go and do anything with him because it’s all forced and that he is the cause of my anxiety.

DH didn’t come home last night, both of his phones are off!

I am so f**king anxious and restless right now!

Get on with your day and put him out of your mind. He's playing mind games, so don't play along.

yup, he is punishing you. The best reaction is no reaction at all. And he will probably then try to push a reaction by asking if you had tried to get in touch.
To which you say 'no? why?'
he cant use it to make you anxious if you can bluff your way into not caring. Fake it til you make it.
you know the sod wont even have the decency to actually have an accident.....

yep punishing you he is fine and you are better of without him

I bet you would be less anxious if you weren't in this abusive relationship.

He is the abusive controlling one. I hope you realise that soon

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^^

You can click 'watch this thread'. You don't need to post just a full stop to do that. Quite rude to do so on a sensitive thread.

He's playing games with you and trying to punish you. I have been through this myself before and totally 100% understand your anxious feelings and I bet you hardly slept anyway when he stops out all night. This is all part of the control. Take the control back. Don't call him, don't react at all when you next see him. Carry on with you day, even better, make plans to go out and do something fun with the kids. When he calls you while you're out with the kids, don't answer.

He wants you to be anxious and on edge. Don’t show him the satisfaction.

Instead of checking your phone every 10 minutes, turn it off. Leave it in your bedroom upstairs so you can’t see it. Forget about it until bedtime. Grab control of the situation by you making the choice to switch your phone off. Regain the power.