To curb my parent's chat under their roof?

[Masterofkarateandfriendship]

Feeling like a total bitch for being annoyed by this right now, but it's getting to the point where visits to my childhood home with my partner (who is not local to my hometown) are really tough. My parents are lovely, generous, caring people in their 70's and live in the small community in which I was brought up. They are both originally from big cities but have lived here for most of their married life. The dinner table chat almost always reverts to chat about locals and what they're up to - not usually funny tales, but generally a monologue about the who's who of the area, gossip and is generally completely unrelatable to my partner who has never met any of the people they're talking about. I try so hard to divert the conversation and find something of interest that doesn't involve talking about local people. My sister (whose husband is also not local) and I have been fighting this losing battle for years. I love my parents but I could cry at the lack of chat and rather than appreciating the time I have left with them, I feel that the only thing I am learning from this is what I don't want to be like when I'm older. Question is....should I say something to try to instigate different.conversation or should we all just carry on as we are

@ScarlettOHarasWaist You took the words right out of my mouth! It's actually really upsetting to think that one day (apparently!) my children will be cross with me for talking about my life!

And people saying that you will never be like this because you 'take an interest in the world'. Well yes, of course you do...now! But NOBODY can be sure how we will be in 20 or 30 years time! How arrogant. Just think about what the world was like 30/40 years ago, when our current elderly population were 'you'. It was so very different! Much slower, no internet, no mobile phones etc. Families/communities were much more 'lifelong' and less transient. How quickly this world has changed! Not just technology either...medicine, politics, demographics...we travel and move house so much more now and families and communities are often transitory because of this. But for most of our current elderly population...they've stayed in the same place for years and years...in the case of my own mum, her whole entire life!

ALL of the above changes are now moving at an even faster pace...imagine how things might be like 30 years in the future! You have NO IDEA how well (or not!) you are going to keep up with all of the changes that will inevitably happen. None!

Our elderly parents might well become repetitive and they might even bore us with their 'local chat'. If, as an adult, you can't understand their frames of reference and be kind, I find that really sad. Suck it up...one day you'll be sat there wising more than anything, that you could hear just one more rant about the 'new roundabout on Church Lane' or the funeral arrangements of 'Cecily's husband's brother Don...you know Don, with the cockatiel...he had a funny walk?'

A little understanding 💗

Ha ha, yeah a lot of comments sound familiar to me too! The olds don’t have much to talk about so they talk about what they do know about

Fucking hell. I am flabbergasted at the ageism on this thread. It is absolutely disgusting.

My mu. Is very special to me. She's just been to visit us actually. Shes in her 70s, remarried a few years ago and they are now globetrotters.

She was just telling me about a hen do she is going to next week.

Her and her husband are very interesting people. He still works actually because he wants to and enjoys the social side of it.

They are both knowledgeable about current events and are very nice people.

A boring bastard is a boring bastard is a boring bastard.

Some of you sound absolutely disgusting and disrespectful about the people who brought you are your partners up and in the main, loved and cared for you and helped you become the people you are today.

Ahhh how shit your wonderful partner finds them boring. He sounds like a rude bastard and you should NEVER apologise for your parents. Fgs.

I hope this thread gets pulled. Its horrible.

Aren't we allowed to have a discussion about it though?

I love my parents dearly but I do find it hard spending time with them and actually it really helps to find that other people have the same issues.

I am sorry you find it hard spending time with your parents.

The issue for me, is that many people are lumping 'old people' together, all in one group. They're all boring, they're all out of touch etc., when this is simply not the case.

Its their age.
If you think about it.
That's all they have to say, as that's their life
You could say that you feel like you know the neighbours inside out and your thinking of sending Christmas cards.
They may take the the hint.
Or just deal with it.
Theyre not doing it to annoy you for sure.

@rookie - just go NC then, problem solved.

@PositiveVibez

I hope this thread is NOT pulled.

I want to be able to refer back to it to remind myself of the ageist posters who are so rude and unkind to older people

Imagine one of your close family telling you that what you talk about is boring and not to do it anymore

Believe me I know plenty of people my own age who talk monotonous shit about other people and other dull as fuck crap as well. You don’t have to be retired to be a bore.

MiL has lived in the same village (now small town) for 50+ years. There is an element of this in her conversation, but fortunately she also has interests in the wider state of the world so there is a mix. I can understand that the entirity of conversation of this vein is wearing.

The passage of time distorts your sense of chronology. DH struggles to follow a lot of the cast of this type of conversation as he moved away 25+ years ago, then there's the factor of going hazy on Mary's son actually being friends with DC1 and 8 years older than DC5 so he was never on DC5's radar anyway.

DM spends a disproportionate amount of conversation on her friends, 75% of which are called John, Margaret or Barbara, so it can be tricky working out if she's talking about Margaret 3 and John 5 or Margaret 4 and John 2. But I am glad that she has the benefits of an active social life and support network of friends. It would be nice if she showed more interest in my DCs given that they are part of her family too. Politics is best avoided as she's had a paper delivery of the Daily Mail for too long.

It's healthy to have a mix of interests and being mentally stimulated. Being a bore on a restricted range of topics isn't good, whatever the age. Old age can be a factor in reducing the sphere of conversation if declining physical and mental health begins to limit independence and interraction with the world. More interesting people will be more reslient towards than than people who always were single-topic bores who dominated the conversation.

Tremblingfanjo, I've done exactly the same pre-empting the punchline thing with MILs anecdotes - she looks annoyed but carries on regardless.

You don’t have to be retired to be a bore
True, but you don't usually have to spend time with younger people who only talk about their own interests. You do usually have to spend time with older relatives.

@northernknickers and @PositiveVibez
YES...!! 👏👏👏 I agree with you 100%

This is what people should be focusing on - not chucking around insults like 'the olds'
How would you feel if we all came on here talking about 'the youngs' as though you were one huge group of people who all acted like idiots and were only interested in reality shows and 'slebs'...?? Would you feel insulted, belittled, patronised...???
If so - then that's how anyone over the age of 50 (& I'm a looong way past that) feels when you prattle on in your insulting way

if we all came on here talking about 'the youngs' as though you were one huge group of people who all acted like idiots

This does seem to be the actual way of things in most of the media. The 'youngs' put up with it all the time.

(I'm not young)

Heavens, how often do your see your parents OP that this is such an awful problem for you?

I'm 70, I moved to the town I live in 4 years ago. I can honestly say I never talk about anyone I know here, use their names or tell my DDs anything about them.

Most of the conversations I have with my DD or my DS who lives abroad are related to their lives and what's happening to them.

My youngest DD talks about her DC mostly and things related to her and her DH because that's all she's interested in. Trust me, I don't find it particularly interesting but I sit there and listen and comment because that's what people do with their family.

I would never tell her that she's boring me because that would be unkind and would cause an enormous family rift.

Can't you just pretend to find it interesting. They clearly lead very narrow lives. Just be thankful your life is so much more interesting than theirs.

www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000128b
This is an excellent listen for any age but especially for younger people who don't even know that they are ageist. Thoughtful and thought provoking.

I'm sorry that you find your parents so tedious,OP. Do you have interesting things to say or mutual reminiscences that you could laugh over?

I agree with Scarletoharaswaist-this is an ageist thread and not at all nice.

Could be worse. All my in laws talk about is Brexit, ‘taking our country back’, Eastern European’s stealing our jobs (which they don’t have obviously) and white people ‘being the minority in our own country’. Disgusting.
I wish they would talk about Barbara from down the road’s new hairdo.

Listening to that BBC piece, now @campion

It's very good

Interesting how they find their children patronise them too

Ageism is rife on MN, so this being an ageist thread should surprise no-one.

According the MN wisdom, all older people are, boring, difficult, all voted leave in the Brexit referendum, are all sexist and homophobic, all had it easy when it came to buying their own homes and all have oodles of cash stuffed away that they are determined to fritter away on themselves living the good life rather than leave it to their more deserving children.

Oh and they all go around touching and kissing complete strangers' babies.

They're probably all wrinkly and smelly too, but maybe I've exaggerated that one a bit.

Oooh yes, I forgot to mention, they're all racist as well.

@Rock4please why would I go no contact? All I'm saying is that I struggle to make conversation with my parents, not that they are horrible people or anything.

I don’t think all older people are boring. Far from it! It’s just that many of us struggle with elderly parents or in-laws and personally I find it a relief to know I am not alone. Sometimes I think it is just my mother who is like this. It helps to know the problem is more general, but not universal.

In the case of my parents and ILs, it certainly isn't age-related, because they've been like that as long as I remember. Nothing is actually real unless it's in the local paper/on local radio/passed on by Maureen at the chemist's. My prestigious professional job (not in our home country) is nowhere near as impressive as the fact that someone I went to primary school with was in the local paper because she's PA to the head of the chamber of commerce.

My in-laws used to do this, but worse - they would preface the anecdote by saying “Do you remember Mrs Jones at the Post Office?” And when DH and siblings said “No”, they would plough on with the anecdote regardless. With a side order of racism to sweeten the mix