Social workers have an incredibly difficult job to do but as with every profession, there are of course, going to be horrible, power hungry, manipulative bastards amongst the staff. Never had an abusive, shouty manager? How about a sly bitch in the office that someone gets everyone to exclude you from everything? Or the colleague who is a completely creepy letch? Or worst of all, the ambitious shitbag who wants your job and will shamelessly make up lies about you to get you out? Most mumsnetters will have worked with some shitty people at some stage in their lives and sadly, this does include some of the more responsible or caring professions such as social workers , doctors and nurses, teachers, police, etc... Remember that thread a while back about the jobs of psychopaths? I was shocked at how many headteachers were mentioned!
So it stands to reason that there will be some arseholes working as Social Workers too. Many SW's will be decent human beings. But it's the kind of job where a) they see some really sad shit every day - it'd be impossible not to be affected long term and b) it's their neck on the line if they DON'T react and a child is hurt, so possibly they overstep just in case.
With that said, I'm still angry with the rude, hostile, threatening cow who called me two days after being beaten up by my ex-partner. I had left this man 4 years previously and only really had contact with him due to the kids whilst he spiralled down into drug abuse. He very unexpectedly beat me up completely unprovoked on a random weekday morning after knocking on my door unannounced, the night after a drug binge. Thankfully all the kids were at school when this happened (which was verified) and he had never laid a finger on me before that day, so it was quite a shock. I immediately called the police and had him arrested where he was cautioned for ABH and assault and battery. I also stopped the kids from seeing him (he has since regained supervised visitation) and tried to set the ball rolling for a non-molestation order. And was referred to victim support for counselling by the police. I also set up family counselling. All this within the first 2 days. I was not messing about.
However, 2 days after it took place, I received a phone call from social services. I was sitting at work with a black eye and a cut on my head whilst she asked me questions and I told her the truth. She was desperately trying to bait me into reacting (which I wouldn't) and was saying things like; "I know he's done this to you a million times before hasn't he?" (He hadn't) "He abuses the children too doesn't he?!" (Nope) "You never really left him did you?!" (I had left him 4 years prior and had moved house three times since)! Then she started getting really nasty and personal;
"I think you're a pathetic woman who doesn't protect her children properly because she is so desperate to keep her man (wtf?!) and you're just going let him keep abusing you all aren't you? I don't think your kids are safe with you and you need watching. You LET this happen."
Somehow, I still kept my cool but I did firm up a bit and told her the following:
"I think you must be talking about someone else as the case you're referring to doesn't seem to be mine. I left this man years ago BECAUSE I felt he was becoming emotionally abusive and starting to take hard drugs. Didn't want my kids to live with that. I did the right thing back then and have never lived with him since, even though it was hard. He never laid a hand on me until two days ago and his attack was almost as random and unexpected as if a stranger in the street did it. Only he knows why he suddenly turned because I don't. Since then, I've had him arrested and looked at legal measures to keep him away from us and told the kids school that there had been an incident with their dad and although they thankfully didn't witness it, they might be fragile as they were probably not going to see him for a while. I've also had to have a talk with them about this, which was hard and booked counselling for all of us and still had to go into work with a messed up face. Amongst all the cooking and cleaning and driving I usually have to do. Please tell me what more I could have done in such a short space of time and also why you're so sure it's my fault even though I'm the actual victim here?!"
She actually backed off after that (not that she apologised of course). She said the children's schools would be informed by SS also but if I pressed on with the non-molestation order then that would be the end of it. The onus was on me to prove that I was doing what I could to keep the kids safe (as I suppose it should have been). But as someone that had already been trying to keep them safe in the years beforehand and could never have predicted my ex's unprovoked attack, I really took umbrage to this woman's accusations of the opposite. I can't believe I stayed calm throughout that call. (I did go into the toilets for a little cry afterwards though - there I was shaken up and very sore and apparently I was also a bad mother and it was my fault this had happened?! Talk about kicking someone when they're down)! I think though, that had I not stayed calm and started shouting back at her, she quite possibly would have been vindictive enough to go after me and have my kids off of me. They sometimes needle and degrade vulnerable people who have been abused and might be at snapping point. And then when the victim loses control they use that against them. Some of them do lie.
I get that they see these situations all the time, where mothers stay with abusive partners and let their kids witness all kinds of shit. So SW's don't always have time to play nice, as it were. I do understand that. But there was absolutely NO NEED for that woman's nasty behaviour. This was NOT one of those cases. It went beyond what she was supposed to have been doing. If she had the case notes from the police in front of her then she would have seen that clearly and was just being a nasty bitch on a power trip. If she DIDN'T have the case notes from the police, then surely she should have got herself informed and up to speed before phoning me?! When you're needlessly hostile to parents doing their best then it's only going to create more suspicion of Social Workers in my opinion. It still rankles to this day.