People who have never experienced being in family court

[SavanahXx]

It really does my head in when people side with social services. They have an opinion that "they are just doing what's best for the child". These people that have the opinion mostly have never even had involvement with SS, therefore don't see the lies and manipulation of a situation that they use.

It's easy for them to say that a parent 'could pose a risk' but do you know how hard it is to prove you wouldn't?

I seen an utterly revolting article that really baffled me. Social workers manage to get away with this stuff daily. Yet its not reported as it should be. This child was removed, with a judges permission. Then placed back with the mother by another judge.
There is so much corruption in our society and it needs to change.

www.google.com/amp/s/www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2018/06/13/social-worker-criticised-child-taken-away-mother-refused-give/amp/

@auntethel that's more than a good ratio.. and I've said that I have respect for the ones that do everything possible for the child... I live in a deprived area... It's more of a very deprived are. So alot of the people I know are more out for themselves. Again. Not all are bad. Just like with every other job. But I personally think the wage is too high to not be doing things with the children. Taking them out. Putting their needs first rather than their own.

Abuse was in the past in residential care when staff were very low paid and untrained. I know, I was one for a bit. The pay then was equivalent now to minimum wage. There was no police check, no training programme, so I am not at all surprised that paedophiles were able to get jobs.

ll because they didn't want to get all the facts. I was told if he attended the birth they would take my baby as soon as she was born.

I don’t know your story OP, but I do know that without exception the situations I’ve been involved in where a baby would be removed at birth due to contact with the mum’s partner have involved allegations of sexual offending, domestic violence or significant drug use. In these cases the hope is that mum will keep the baby safe by not having contact with their partner until investigations are concluded, the number of times the mum won’t - because she doesn’t believe her partner would never do such a thing - are too many to number.

If allegations are made they need to be fully investigated, the more serious the allegations the fuller the investigation, it’s not unusual for victims to retract their statement or deny abuse - the investigation still needs to run its course, it’s not unusual at all for mums to side with their partner in the face of allegations, children need to be protected in the meantime. Sometimes allegations are false, sometimes allegations are malicious, sometimes allegations are well founded but can’t be proved beyond reasonable doubt, sometimes allegations are well founded and the perpetrator convicted. Professionals can’t know which of those outcomes they’re dealing with until the investigation is complete, which is the whole point of the investigation. If mum can’t or won’t keep her child safe during the investigation the child will most likely be removed.

And your comments about foster carers show a blatant disregard for the incredible work these folk do in helping children heal from significant trauma caused by abuse and neglect.

@Tweetingmagpie im so glad you've put that. You have such a good insight given your mother's the social worker rather than yourself! A social worker wouldn't want to admit their faults within the organisation 🙌🙌

The ones who just view it as a job. That doesn't sit so well with me.

Why aren't you allowed to view a job as a job

Its not all. Just some.

If 'just some' aren't good enough for you, then why should all foster carers have to receive a lower wage?

But there are also those who literally just feed, clothe and take them to contact. Nothing else. Just do stuff for their own gain.

That's the role of a foster carer. That's the job description. That's the definition of child care. I'm not sure what your point is. You're allowed to do a job for your own gain. Just because your OH grandmother martyred herself and wanted to work for free and was able to afford to live that lifestyle doesn't mean the rest of us should work for a lower wage.

Why are you so furious about the wages of foster carers? I'd like to see you try. Are you jealous? If you want that money go and become one yourself, we'll see how you manage not spending a single penny of it on yourself!

And a lot of foster carers are not allowed to take on another job. It is a condition they stay at home. So it is a wage to allow that.

I knew a woman years ago who lived with her sister. They both had babies. Sadly her sister's baby died of SIDS and SS took the other woman's baby into care whilst police investigated. I thought this was very harsh.

Op the more you write the more you sound like a complete narcissist.

@jellycatspyjamas

It was an allegation from someone we've only ever passed by sort of thing. Never spoken to them. She said herself she had seen my OH before and it wasn't him. Yet everything still happen. And I sided with him because I was 38 weeks pregnant when the incident took place and OH was with me at the time (I had pgp and he helped out an awful lot because I found basic tasks hard to do)

And that's your opinion. But it's also mine to say that I don't think they should be paid as much as they are 🤔 I haven't said they should do it for free. Because they shouldn't.

@tillygetsit that is disgraceful. The logic of some of these social workers is beyond silly. A simple "please don't allow your sister to see the child until the investigation is done with" would of been fine. Not a removal 😲

Presumably you know the breakdown of how the fostering allowance is calculated, you know for food, transport etc and what proportion is considered a wage? Given that you can confidently say it's too much?
I couldn't do it, I like to go to my work and come home again - fostering is 24/7. I am not surprised that it's exploited by some individuals- I agree there should be robust checks made and regularly. But I'm pretty sure they don't get paid too much for what is constant role.

I don't think people should make such a high profit from children's misery. Spend the money on the child. Give them the life they never had.

t was an allegation from someone we've only ever passed by sort of thing. Never spoken to them.

The thing is, it still needs to be fully investigated- not least to clear your partners name. It’s not at all unusual for victims to say it wasn’t X person, or that Y didn’t happen, or to change their statement mid way through, the investigation interrogates all of the evidence and comes to a conclusion. Depending on the type of allegation children will be deemed to be at risk - could you imagine the backlash if social workers allowed a mum to take a newborn home to a partner who was being investigated for rape, or sexual assault or child abuse and that child was then abused?

Social workers, police, health workers don’t have crystal balls, they need to go with what’s in front of them and what they know from experience until such time as the investigation proves one way or the other. I’m honestly sorry you’ve had such a tough time of it - I can’t imagine how you cope with allegations being made so close to giving birth and all that follows on from that.

I hope you find peace with it all.

You don't see mother's with children with behavioural problems/special needs splash out on unnecessary items. They get what they need. Clothes, petrol and food and the rest normally benefits the child. All my money. Bar food. Goes on my daughter. I even feel guilty when I need new shoes, clothes etc. Because I didn't have a child to not give her literally everything I can. I want her to have the best life I can possibly give her. And if that means I go without, i couldn't care less. Thanks would be the same if I had someone elses child. I wouldn't be getting the latest car out. And spending 1,500 on blood garden furniture. That money could of been used for alot of stuff for my child.

My children get what they need plus treats but I don't spend all my wages on them?!

@Tillygetsit How do you know it was SS who asked for the baby's removal? There are other agencies who can ask for it.

jellycats but what about OP's baby being deprived of breastmilk and mum for the day, when less than one day old?

@jellycatspyjamas I fully understood that they had to take precautions. But when I gave birth. I was in the hospital. There are olive there. Its a controlled environment. I don't see why he wasn't able to go. And I can't comprehend why they carried it on when the woman said herself in court she has seen me and OH before and he wasn't the one who did it. They could of easily said they had to take precautions and left it as that. Instead they carried it on and tried to use my past etc.

I don't think I will ever find peace with it. I understand they have to be cautious. But I will never understand the lies they told or the way they handled everything.

the more you sound like a complete narcissist don't be so bloody ridiculous.

The logic of some of these social workers is beyond silly. A simple "please don't allow your sister to see the child until the investigation is done with" would of been fine. Not a removal 😲

The sisters lived together, not having contact with the baby would be impossible in a normal home environment, again depending on circumstances the baby’s death would need to be investigated and there may have been concerns that the death wasn’t of natural causes. The option would be for sister to move out, mum and baby live somewhere else or baby be removed. It does feel quite harsh, child protection can be a harsh process, because lives are quite literally at risk.

I have no idea why it says olive haha. I meant police. Stupid predictive text.

@TwoPupsandaHamster being a parent is also a 24/7 job. Don't become one if you're not willing to do it. Do it because you want to be selfless and help those in need. Not for a new car

👏👏👏 Parenting is, indeed, a 24/7 job. I have parented my own children, with no money from the state - except Child Benefit. I have also adopted 3 children (without adoption allowance) because they were in need of a loving, permanent home because they had been left YEARS in various Foster homes, waiting for their birth families to get their acts together. They never did get their acts together, and by then the children were well past adoptable age.

Since I have given up fostering and my own children are leading their own lives, independently, with their own spouses and children, I have kept two bedrooms free for two of my Foster children who have left the care system and are in apprenticeships. It's so they have somewhere to come home to at holidays and Christmas, because their parents don't wish to see them. I also attended a Foster child's passing out parade, when he joined the army - just so he would have someone there to support him and be proud of him. Because his own parents couldn't be arsed!

Don't try telling me about Foster carers!!

Many Foster carers adopt older children. Foster carers who have young children are not allowed to adopt as the LA need the beds when the children move on to their adopted families. Do you realise that when a Foster Child leaves another takes his/her place within a few hours? Or do you think the Foster carer who was paid to asses and support you needed you more than you needed her?

As far as her buying a car with money she has earned... well so what??

All my money. Bar food. Goes on my daughter. I even feel guilty when I need new shoes, clothes etc. Because I didn't have a child to not give her literally everything I can. I want her to have the best life I can possibly give her. And if that means I go without, i couldn't care less. Thanks would be the same if I had someone elses child. I wouldn't be getting the latest car out. And spending 1,500 on blood garden furniture. That money could of been used for alot of stuff for my child.

Oh I understand now. You're one of those mothers who insists on sacrificing everything for their child for no reason and anyone who buys themselves a new handbag for their birthday as a treat is a shit mother, saying no to your child ever and you're a shit mother. Got it.

I don't think people should make such a high profit from children's misery. Spend the money on the child. Give them the life they never had.

It's not high at all, and it's not a profit off a child's misery ffs. You're so dramatic. It's a wage for child care. Many foster carers aren't allowed to have a second job as well as the caring. How exactly should I pay my rent, my bills, clothes for my other children and literally anything else if I have to spend my entire income on foster children then?!

@jellycatspyjamas I completely missed the fact that they was living together. The sister should of moved out. At least then. Mother and baby wouldn't of been separated

Savanah, I can't find peace either. I'm receiving treatment for ptsd and it was years ago. The worst thing is the way it's still affecting ds and dd now. Sadly, I think it always will.