People who have never experienced being in family court

[SavanahXx]

It really does my head in when people side with social services. They have an opinion that "they are just doing what's best for the child". These people that have the opinion mostly have never even had involvement with SS, therefore don't see the lies and manipulation of a situation that they use.

It's easy for them to say that a parent 'could pose a risk' but do you know how hard it is to prove you wouldn't?

I seen an utterly revolting article that really baffled me. Social workers manage to get away with this stuff daily. Yet its not reported as it should be. This child was removed, with a judges permission. Then placed back with the mother by another judge.
There is so much corruption in our society and it needs to change.

www.google.com/amp/s/www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2018/06/13/social-worker-criticised-child-taken-away-mother-refused-give/amp/

And they don't get no special pay because its their child. You want to look after other people's children? Fair enough. But you shouldn't get special treatment because that child isn't yours. No way.

The vast majority of child carers are paid for looking after a child. Would you expect a nursery to look after your toddler all day all week for free? Would you expect a nanny or childminder to work for free? Would you even expect teenagers to spend a few hours looking after a stranger's child for free? No. So why the hell would you expect foster carers to do it for free?

Savanah number of votes 830.

@auntethel woohooo haha ow many have voted?

@TacoLover just because you may find my statements offensive doesn't mean there isn't truth in them. And btw I was in a parent and child foster placement with my daughter. She got paid for the both of us. Yet she spent her money on new cars. Garden furniture and home improvements. I also did everything for my child. So she pretty much got paid to have house guests that kept out of her way 99% of the time. Again, not all foster carers are amazing and selfless. The only one that was, was my OH grandmother. She was a selfless person. Didn't go spending her money on home improvements. Or on herself.100% on the children.

You want to get paid for looking after your own child?

@auntethel I bet so many people have voted YANBU because it's a way of agreeing but not getting the criticism for not having the stereotypical'normal' view.

picklemepopcorn

Just to add- the outcomes for children in care are rubbish

Yes. Children enter the Care System because they haven't been provided with the best parenting. Can you imagine sitting in class with a teacher firing facts at you - when your head is already full of worries, trauma and wondering if you'll eat tonight or if someone is going to come into your room or if you are not going to get any sleep because.... People fighting.... Or drugs parties... Or because you've been left on your own.. Again. Past experiences do not magically disappear because a child has been removed from their toxic environment. They carry it with them, until they learn to trust adults. Why would a child who has experienced nothing but misery suddenly begin to trust? They dont! Do you have any idea about why children in care need a lot of love, attention and therapy?

Can you not see that children are not taken into care for nothing??

I agree with other pp's. Mostly children are brought into care too late. The damage is already done 😢

Foster placements for challenging children and teenagers, and this is most foster placements these days, are advertised as jobs. Like all jobs, those doing them can spend their wages on what they want.
And in a parent and child placement you are still supposed to look after your own child. The foster carer's role is to guide you as a parent to improve your parenting, not take over and start parenting your child.

@jennymanara no. That is not the point im making. The point im making is why should they get 'special treatment' compared to struggling families?

@jennymanara the judge ordered I shouldnt of even been there anyway. So she got a nice cushy wage for sitting on her bum. Lovely

And again. Yes it's a job. But they do the EXACT SAME as a parent with a badly behaved/additional needs child. If you want a job. Get one. Don't expect more for doing what any other parent does for a lot less on a daily basis.

I bet so many people have voted YANBU because it's a way of agreeing but not getting the criticism for not having the stereotypical'normal' view.

yes, everyone must just be pretending to disagree with you so that they don't look bad, even though it's an ANONYMOUS forum.

no. That is not the point im making. The point im making is why should they get 'special treatment' compared to struggling families?

It's not special treatment ffs. It's being paid for childcare. It's a wage essentially, and it's not meant to all 'go on the kids'. Being a foster carer is a job.

I'll repeat myself:
Would you expect a nursery to look after your toddler all day all week for free? Would you expect a nanny or childminder to work for free? Would you even expect teenagers to spend a few hours looking after a stranger's child for free? No. So why the hell would you expect foster carers to do it for free?

Someone organised a parent and child placement and cared for it. Whether the court thought this should have happened or not. And it is often a way of SS trying to give you as the parent a last chance to keep your child. And no in this kind of placement it is not the job of a foster carer to take over your parenting.

Foster carer allowances have been increased in an attempt to try and professionalise foster parenting. It used to be foster carers were only given an amount that was supposed to be an out of pocket expense, rather than a wage. But foster carers are rarely these days caring for kids who are fairly easy to parent. And frankly they can not recruit good enough foster carers without paying a wage. So what you see as special treatment is a change to improve the professionalisation and skills of foster carers for the benefit of very traumatised kids.

And again. Yes it's a job. But they do the EXACT SAME as a parent with a badly behaved/additional needs child.

Yes...it's called CHILDCARE. People don't do childcare for other children for free. Would you parent a child that isn't yours and pay all their expenses for free? Of course not!

Savanah, I have to disagree with you about foster carers. They don't get special treatment, it's a wage like any other job. But it's more than just any other job. DS foster carers were brilliant, they did everything and more. I'll be eternally grateful for what they did and the relief it gave me to see how well he was cared for.

Savannah. Foster Carers get a fostering fee - to provide everything a child needs. They also get paid a nominal sum for staying home to bring up someone else's children, within a "normal", loving, family environment, where their basic needs are met, they learn social norms, they begin to experience life as a child whose parents parent properly. This is so they can experience "normal" childhood and become "normal" adults.

What do you think would happen to these children if there were no Foster carers? What if all Foster carers said, "stuff working 24/7 (and it is a 24/7 job) and all decided to go back to work, where they earn a decent wage and get time off?

You should apply to become a Foster Carer or a Social Worker. You seem to know it all 🙄

Ten please don't call it a selfless act when actually they are doing it for personal gain.

My OH grandmother was a foster carer and fostered hundreds of children. And adopted 3 of them too. Ontop of having her own daughter. She was selfless. She didn't want to be paid for it. Therefore all of her money went on the children. Because she was selfless. Not the ones nowadays who want it as a way to get a new car. Or new bloody garden furniture. Do not call it selfless when they do the exact same as a normal parent. With lots of added personal gain.

And I think childcare cost is stupid too. They should get far less too 👌 but that isn't all day everyday is it? I used to babysit over night. And was paid £20 and I was perfectly happy with that. In fact. I wasn't even mithered if they hadn't of paid. Because I don't do things like that for personal gain. I did it to help.

@auntethel if you read what I've put. I have respect for some foster carers. My OHs grandmother didn't see it as a job. And everything she got went on the children. But nowadays foster carers are more bothered about m&s meals. New furniture. Home improvements and cars. Oh and taking day trips with their friends to god knows where.

The selfless ones amaze me. And I have respect for them. But bloody hell. The ones who just view it as a job. That doesn't sit so well with me. If my family/friends were struggling. Yes id finance their children off my own back. Because they need it. I wouldn't rely on other people or 'extra' to do it.

@TwoPupsandaHamster being a parent is also a 24/7 job. Don't become one if you're not willing to do it. Do it because you want to be selfless and help those in need. Not for a new car.

Savanah, you're getting it wrong about foster carers. The only thing that kept me going when DS was in care, were the fantastic foster carers. If they had been paid a million it wouldn't have been enough for what they did for DS. Honestly, I couldn't have kept going myself if not knowing he was safe and sound and so loved by them. Please don't put foster carers down.

Savanah you are incredibly prejudiced.

'Foster carers are doing it for their personal gain' what a fucking generalisation, although you love doing that don't you🙄

If your OH grandmother wanted to work her entire life for free, then that's her choice. Doesn't mean that all foster carers should have to provide free childcare for challenging children

And I think childcare cost is stupid too. They should get far less too 👌 but that isn't all day everyday is it?

So basically if your child ever needs to be looked after it should be done for free. You are so entitled. Providing indefinite free childcare can be 'selfless', if you want to martyr yourself then go ahead. Doesn't mean everyone else should work for free.

Why on earth shouldn't people be paid for providing childcare? Childcare is a bloody job; childminders, foster carers and nursery workers provide childcare. Should they all just work for free even though it costs significant amounts of money, time and effort and they are desperately needed by society?!

You're deluded. And I think @auntethel is beginning to see how prejudiced you are too, knowing that you think the foster carers that dearly looked after her child should have been paid nothing.

@auntethel Its not all. Just some. Have you not herd recently about all the standard coming out now about the children abused in care. Physically and emotionally? Not all are like that. And you're so lucky to have one that loves and cares for your son. As long as they do everything possible for him. What's to complain about. But there are also those who literally just feed, clothe and take them to contact. Nothing else. Just do stuff for their own gain. No selflessness in them. They are the ones I do not like. You can't call foster carers selfless. Just like you cant call all social workers good or bad.

Have I once said they shouldn't be paid at all? No i don't think I have. I said they shouldn't be being paid as much as they are doing.

Savanah, over the years ds had four sets of foster carers. Three were brilliant, more than brilliant. One was not quite so good but still cared. That's 3 out 4 brilliant, not a bad ratio?

But nowadays foster carers are more bothered about m&s meals. New furniture. Home improvements and cars. Oh and taking day trips with their friends to god knows where.

How dare they BUY FOOD for themselves from m&s! How dare they spend the money they've learnt from childcare to feed themselves! it's a fucking wage OP, from a job. Child care of a child that isn't yours is obviously a job. Don't pretend it isn't. You can spend a wage on whatever you want to, it's not solely for the children and I don't understand where you got that from. Should childminders spend all the money they earn on the children too? Or will you generously allow them to pay their rent with the money that they bloody earned

My mums a social worker, which is laughable.

I don’t speak to her but when I have she’s let out little snippets and they really don’t always have the children’s best interests at heart. They can be nasty just for the hell of it, and incredibly judgemental.