People who have never experienced being in family court

[SavanahXx]

It really does my head in when people side with social services. They have an opinion that "they are just doing what's best for the child". These people that have the opinion mostly have never even had involvement with SS, therefore don't see the lies and manipulation of a situation that they use.

It's easy for them to say that a parent 'could pose a risk' but do you know how hard it is to prove you wouldn't?

I seen an utterly revolting article that really baffled me. Social workers manage to get away with this stuff daily. Yet its not reported as it should be. This child was removed, with a judges permission. Then placed back with the mother by another judge.
There is so much corruption in our society and it needs to change.

www.google.com/amp/s/www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2018/06/13/social-worker-criticised-child-taken-away-mother-refused-give/amp/

We were investigated by SS (referred by midwife when I was pregnant due to mental health issues and because I admitted to having smoked weed when I was younger) and they were shit. They visited us 3 times when I was pregnant and had a newborn and agreed that we were doing everything right, our daughter was well taken care of, my mental health issues were well managed, no concerns about drug use etc. The health visitor, my psychologist etc all said we were doing fine. However

• the social worker mistakenly ticked a box on our report saying we were a concern for domestic violence! Fortunately I spotted it as they let me read the report and they changed it but imagine if I hadn’t!

• our social worker then disappeared for 4 months with no warning. Neither us, our health visitor or the mental health team could get in touch with him. We really wanted to get the case closed as it was wreaking havoc with my anxiety but he wouldn’t return any calls. When we eventually called his supervisor we got a call back saying that the case had been closed “in his mind” for months, he just hadn’t told us or filed the report.

I should add that despite my mental health difficulties, I’m well-educated, have a good support system etc. If I was an isolated single mum, maybe with mild learning difficulties for example, navigating that system would have been a million times worse.

I know a mum locally who uses MN and may be on this thread. She tells everyone her kids were taken away because a teacher had a vendetta against her. Her kids were taken away for very good reasons.

My daughter was sexually assaulted by her stepfather SS were more concerned with me and her younger siblings (his children) claiming with no basis whatsoever that I was getting back with their dad I repeatedly asked for help distancing myself from him only to be told I had to communicate with him about seeing them and having a go at me for talking to me they then tried to take me to court for "future emotional harm" before dropping it all and buggering off telling me if I got involved with him again they would take them away

They never helped my daughter

Dont tell me they are overstretched the focus should have been my daughter and supporting her not supporting HIM and removing her brothers

Had a ho at me for talking to "him" obviously if I was talking to myself.....she probably still would have had an issue

I've had a fair amount of experience with SWs. I've met ones who take the shortest, easiest option. Ones who don't stand up for what is right. But- I think it's because they are overstretched and can't do the job the way it should be done. It's not bad intent.

I was a foster carer and was infuriated by many parts of the system. I never saw a child in care who shouldn't be. I saw plenty who didn't come into care quickly enough. I saw families who believed they loved their children and were doing a good enough job. They weren't.

" I never saw a child in care who shouldn't be.
I saw plenty who didn't come into care quickly enough."

The rate at which children are removed from their parents in the UK is many multiples higher than in other EU countries, yet children of non-UK EU nationals are over-represented among children in UK state care. Why do you think the parents living in UK are so much more likely to harm their children than parents who live in other EU countries?

A fostering allowance is around £1.5k per month, per child. Do you think any of the parents of the children who came into your care might have been good enough parents if they had an additional £1.5k per child added to the family budget every month?

Personally I don't see the need for the stupid amount of money foster carers get. Families struggle. No job. Hardly any income. Yet a foster carer gets paid 1.5k to babysit a month? Yeah, by far the stupidest logic I've come across

I think it's because they are overstretched and can't do the job the way it should be done. It's not bad intent. Here we go again. Austerity, lack of funding, now "overstretched". How does being overstretched cause malicious lies in reports? How does being overstretched cause Team Leaders to endorse and sign the lies in reports? How is deliberately lying to obtain care orders not bad intent? Why oh why can't people get it? pickle If someone wrote in an official report that you had long term mental ill-health and you had NEVER IN YOUR LIFE had mental ill-health, your doctor confirmed that you had NEVER had mental ill-health but the report still continued to be used in court, how is that not bad intent? Then the cafcass guardian, the child solicitor and the magistrates all ignored the doctor confirming there has NEVER been any mental ill-health, according to you and some others this is all austerity / lack of funding /overstretched?

Think I will go steal a car tomorrow. If I get caught, I'll just say I was overstretched!

I find it's almost impossible to get them to actually care when there is actual neglect going on.

Savannah There is nothing stopping you caring for other people's children. There is nothing stopping you from paying for their food, nappies, clothing - including new sports kits and boots, swim classes, dance classes, play group fees, after school clubs fees, giving them pocket money (every child should receive pocket money from Foster allowance. The amount depends on age). You can also pay out for petrol for daily contact sessions with parents/grandparents/siblings. There is nothing at all stopping you.

BTW the pp posted fostering allowances for Independent Foster Carers. They take on troubled teenagers - you know, the ones nobody wants. But, hey, I'm sure you could manage them.

LA fostering allowances pale very much in comparison.

If being a decent parent depends on how much money is coming into the household, why are some parents doing a fantastic job relying on benefits and food banks? Why are there children in Foster homes whose parents earn a fantastic salary?

All you are showing is your ignorance of the Care system tbh.

I can only comment with certainty about what I saw.

I agree, children should never be removed from families because of poverty.

The families I was involved with would not have done any better with an extra £1000 a month (fostering tends to offer more like £500, by the way). They may have done better with a state provided home help. I live in an area where the state offered specialist child minders to families who struggled. It prevented some, not all, coming into care.

As a foster carer, I was not a baby sitter. The children I looked after had significant additional needs. They were hard to keep in school, hard to look after, and I loved them very much. I was paid a princely 60p per hour per child, and was given a similar amount to cover their food, household costs, clothes, holidays, pocket money, birthdays, etc.

As for why there might be lies in the report- I don't know.
Perhaps they confused one family with another, perhaps they felt they needed to get the child away but didn't have time to double check information.

And perhaps they were malicious, there are malicious people in every area.

StormBaby, they're too busy filling out their false reports. That must be a full-time job in itself.

@auntethel I didn't realise the vote was still on. I haven been able to see it for 2 days now.. it just disappeared :/ how many votes has there been and what's the percentage?

And that's everyone's excuse for the shot storms they cause "it's not their faults, theyre overstretched"

That overstretched that each SW I've had recently have taken a full week off every two weeks for "annual leave" im sure there's no such thing as 'ill work two weeks then not at all for a week's it's not over stretched if they can manage to do that though surely?

So what about parents who's own children have difficulties? They get paid less because it's their child but a stranger gets paid 2-3x more because they babysit for a few months? It's actually ridiculous.

www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/society/2018/jan/30/councils-huge-bills-foster-carers-private-agencies
This is a pretty balanced article on foster care fees and payments.
I think that spending money on early prevention services, on high quality drug and alcohol services, mental health services and housing support could all help prevent some issues getting to point where it is better for dc to be in care.
But none of the families I worked with whose dc came into care would have spent that money in a way that benefited their dc if they had been given it directly.
This included parents who had to be given food for their dc because if we had given them money they would just have spent it on drugs, I worked with people who sold their dc's clothes and in some cases sexual access to their dc to obtain drugs.
It is important not to minimize the damage some parents will do to their dc.
For other parents the wish to sexually abuse them doesn't come from a place of poverty but from a toxic mixture of control, power and desire. Again giving these parents money won't help.
The mother's who crave male partners and are prepared to tolerate the physical abuse of their dc as a price again aren't primarily motivated by a lack of money.
A well funded support system would help, a decently funded social worker system would help but there are always going to be some child protection issues that cannot be solved by money, where dc should not be in their family home.

Just to add- the outcomes for children in care are rubbish! There is no way I would advocate for unnecessary removal of children from their families. It has to be bad to justify it, basically.

Somewhere along the line, we as a society are failing our children.

@calliechan I lived abroad for a few years in Europe. I was shocked that there was so little state intervention when kids were being abused. There was one little girl who was being physically abused by her father. Neighbours regularly called the police, the police would speak to the father, but nothing actually happened. In some countries "parents rights" come before the rights of kids.

@SavanahXx You call it babysitting for a few months? You are incredibly unreasonable. Caring for kids who have been abused and neglected is a very difficult job. A friend is a foster parent for high needs teenagers and gets a high allowance. I also would not do her job. It is anything but babysitting. She looks after teenagers with very serious issues and very challenging behaviour.

I actually felt sorry for the foster carers who looked after my ds. They were kept in the dark about his autism. They were kept in the dark that his psychologist had advised he must not play out unsupervised. I still have a copy of the form that went to the foster carers. "Q - does the child have any special needs? A - NO*. Signed by the social worker. DS hit all the neighbours children, foster mum and daughter. Flooded the house, ran out onto the main road and more. DS at risk, other children at risk. Court didn't care, MP didn't care, nspcc didn't care. Unbelievably, social worker not only got away with it, she got promoted!!!!

But of course, they're all overstretched.

Bloody hell children have all sorts of additional needs. Are a real handful. Still live with their parents and haven't been abused. But when they struggle with their behaviour. They are criticised. And they don't get no special pay because its their child. You want to look after other people's children? Fair enough. But you shouldn't get special treatment because that child isn't yours. No way.

OP you're being fucking offensive now about foster carers. The vast majority of foster carers work incredibly hard looking after children with significant needs. They are paid more because they are doing a 'job' and are helping the stress on care homes by giving kids in care a loving home. They are doing an incredible job and they are doing a favour by looking after these children. How that can be compared to anyone who just decides to have a child I do not know. That's not looking after a child that isn't yours with lots of needs. That's looking after your own child. Being a foster carer is largely a selfless act.

Savanah YANBU 22%. YABU 78%.