What is fair here? 🤷‍♀️

[Sundancer77]

I’m a teacher and occasionally babysit in the holidays for big jobs-weddings etc as it’s great money. Months ago, a parent of a child I used to teach contacted me and said the company she works for were looking for a babysitter for 8 hours for a group of 6 children with a provided room at a wedding. The hotel venue is almost an hour away and I’d be driving back past midnight (have a baby dd so am pretty exhausted these days!) so I was quite reluctant and only agreed due to the good pay (pay based on price per child, per hour.
The family transferred the deposit to me (half of the overall pay-€300) and I would receive the further €300 on the night, with extra pay for any extra children or if we ran over (which they said we likely would) so weighing it up, the travel/hassle etc was worth the pay.
Now..a couple of days ago, the Mum who works for the company contacted me and said there had been big family problems, many of the guests had, had to cancel and as a result they’d only been one child to babysit. Also as a result, she said to keep the deposit (well, I’d already spent it!) and on the night wouldn’t receive any pay as working out the deposit they’d already paid, for one child per hour, it’s a good amount and can cover my travel etc.
Aibu to feel pissed off? Obviously it can’t be helped if guests pull out (due to a family illness) but I wouldn’t have taken the job if I was only getting paid the fee of the deposit due to the long drive, late hours etc. I only agreed as the pay was worth it? So what happens now? What’s fair in this situation? Do I have to do it as they paid half the pay on a deposit? If I don’t want to do it (I don’t) do I pay the deposit back??

@prawnsword I don’t have a business, I’m on maternity leave and was offered this job, she asked about deposit and we came up with this, I said an amount, she happily and swiftly agreed and that was that.

No don’t do it. Yes keep the money. In reality, she’s knows that’s reasonable as they are the ones changing the terms. She’s trying her luck.

Ultimately which situation will piss you off the most? What will you feel happiest with? I would really begrudge paying the money back or doing the job for less than agreed.

She might not be happy with you, but that’s the lesser of the rock and the hard place surely.

I'm in a minority here but I don't think you should keep any of the money. It was half the fee upfront, not a deposit, and as you no longer want to do the work you should pay it back. You shouldn't have spent it really.
I think YABVU.

I’d do it. Usually babysitters get £10-15 an hour. Assuming you will be babysitting this one child for six hours you have already been paid £50 an hour. Ridiculous amount for a babysitter imo even given your PGCE (I’m a teacher too but I don’t think this would automatically make me a great babysitter!).

Either do it because €300 to watch a film with one child is pretty amazing or return the money.

I don’t think you are being unreasonable OP

It sounds like you agreed to this as it was worthwhile based on what you would be paid and when this arrangement was proposed they didn’t seem to have contemplated that they might essentially pull out. They have and I think they know they are not necessarily entitled to their money back. I think if you’ve spent it and it would cause you hardship to pay back then you shouldn’t.

From what I gather it is a deposit put together from several families so they can spread the cost between them as a result of them changing their plans. I don’t see why it is your fault. I also don’t think you’re wrong for not wanting to do it for half of the money.

Perhaps them an option

• either you refund half of what they already paid and you don’t do it
• they pay half of what is outstanding and you still do it

I don’t understand why anyone thinks the Mum who made the booking is bring anything other than outrageously out of order by trying to half the price of a service she willingly booked. In what universe is it at all ok to unilaterally decide to change the terms of an agreement and scam a service provider out of a lot of money?

It’s like deciding you don’t want to pay your builder the final payment for an extension because you’re splitting up with your husband and don’t really need the extra space any more. But still expecting him/her to finish building the extension anyway (because you so magnanimously said they could keep the money you’d already paid).

People wouldn’t do this to a florist if caterer. And it does not matter if they’ve got costs to cover or not. If you agree a few for a service, you do not decide to half it at the last minute and still receive the service. And you should expect to lose a deposit if you cancel (refusing to pay for the service as agree is basically cancelling).

Are you likely to get more work from this person/company? If so, it's sometimes worth putting up with a lower rate now, in order to preserve the relationship for the future.

I don’t generally get work from them, she normally contacts me with possibilities, then it’s a no go, so it’s not always been the most organised! Although I appreciate her thinking of me. I messaged back that it might take me a bit to get the money back and I might have to just do the job and look for a b&b nearby. She replied that she didn’t want me to worry and would be able to stay at theirs 15 minutes away, sweet, but lots of hassle for a simple job

I don’t think you should have asked them if they want the deposit back. Of course they will say yes. You were given good examples of how to word it.
It’s a tough one, but it’s called a deposit for a reason. Although I don’t think you should keep the entire 300, I think you should keep some, otherwise what was the point in having a deposit in the first place? In future, have a written agreement which covers all of these possibilities. I would personally say you are willing to refund half of the deposit in these circumstances, or do the job at an agreed rate. I don’t think you can start saying it’s not possible because of the distance and the baby, since you would have gone ahead if the circumstances of the job hadn’t changed.