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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What is fair here? 🤷‍♀️

159 replies

Sundancer77 · 02/08/2019 12:26

I’m a teacher and occasionally babysit in the holidays for big jobs-weddings etc as it’s great money. Months ago, a parent of a child I used to teach contacted me and said the company she works for were looking for a babysitter for 8 hours for a group of 6 children with a provided room at a wedding. The hotel venue is almost an hour away and I’d be driving back past midnight (have a baby dd so am pretty exhausted these days!) so I was quite reluctant and only agreed due to the good pay (pay based on price per child, per hour.
The family transferred the deposit to me (half of the overall pay-€300) and I would receive the further €300 on the night, with extra pay for any extra children or if we ran over (which they said we likely would) so weighing it up, the travel/hassle etc was worth the pay.
Now..a couple of days ago, the Mum who works for the company contacted me and said there had been big family problems, many of the guests had, had to cancel and as a result they’d only been one child to babysit. Also as a result, she said to keep the deposit (well, I’d already spent it!) and on the night wouldn’t receive any pay as working out the deposit they’d already paid, for one child per hour, it’s a good amount and can cover my travel etc.
Aibu to feel pissed off? Obviously it can’t be helped if guests pull out (due to a family illness) but I wouldn’t have taken the job if I was only getting paid the fee of the deposit due to the long drive, late hours etc. I only agreed as the pay was worth it? So what happens now? What’s fair in this situation? Do I have to do it as they paid half the pay on a deposit? If I don’t want to do it (I don’t) do I pay the deposit back??

OP posts:
WishingILivedOnAnIsland · 02/08/2019 13:56

Gosh sorry I don't know why that was all in bold!

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 02/08/2019 13:56

The deposit was to secure your services. They no longer need them for the job you were booked for. You get to keep the deposit and you don’t have to go unless they pay you the balance. In theory you could pursue them for the balance (but that would not seem proportionate or fair). Just explain that unless they can fulfil the contract (which can be oral even though it’s better for it to be in writing) and pay the full amount you will not be coming but that the deposit is not refundable.

Pursefirst · 02/08/2019 14:02

Going to go against the grain here OP and say if you aren't going to take the job (and I understand why), you need to return at least half the deposit.

I would be very wary otherwise that the Mum could at worst, haul you to small claims court or something over it, or at best, make life very difficult for you.

GabsAlot · 02/08/2019 14:08

No contract they dont have any legal rights just explain its not viable for you

chamenanged · 02/08/2019 14:20

It’s not a deposit , it’s a measure of goodwill from them at the time.

It sounds like they paid half of the fee up front rather than a deposit.

Where are people getting those ideas from? Sounds open and shut to me. They don't get the deposit back. They definitely also don't get to decide you've had enough money already and need to do a portion of the job for no more pay! If you want to do it, offer to do it for a further sum you're comfortable with and won't resent. If they say no, that's fine. But deposits exist for a reasons.

Sundancer77 · 02/08/2019 15:04

Argh 😩 I’ve no idea which way to proceed

OP posts:
Sundancer77 · 02/08/2019 15:07

It does seem shitty to just have taken €300 for no work done. Also to say, she told me many weren’t turning up to the wedding as the Grooms aunt unfortunately has cancer and it doesn’t look good, that makes me feel even worse.
Does nobody think the idea of me finding another sitter (qualified-nanny, teacher etc also) would be ok? So I’m not letting them down on the night? Then it would be the issue of do I pay her the s standard rate or do they? Does that sound fair?

OP posts:
Jamiefraserskilt · 02/08/2019 15:09

E300 for one night's work? I would do it!

Sundancer77 · 02/08/2019 15:09

If I have to pay her, at least I won’t have to find as much as €300 🤷‍♀️
The Mum did say at the start, her preference is me as she knows me, but would accept a recommended sitter from me of similar qualifications/experience.

OP posts:
Waveysnail · 02/08/2019 15:09

I think finding a substitute would be perfect compromise. Many daycare staff do out of hours work

Sundancer77 · 02/08/2019 15:12

@Jamiefraserskilt I know, it is a good amount, but it honestly is far and looking at directions etc, a tricky route in the middle of nowhere 🙄 I don’t particularly fancy that, especially driving back after midnight at that time when I’m barely able to stay awake past 10pm these days with baby. If it was close by, none of this would be an issue and I’d gladly do it.

OP posts:
Sundancer77 · 02/08/2019 15:14

@Waveysnail I can most likely ask one of my childcare friends and they’d probably want to do it. But should I then pay them? (Generally going rate they’d most likely accept would be €15 per hour) or do I ask them if they can pay that if I find her?

OP posts:
bernietaupinspen · 02/08/2019 15:17

I am stunned at you charging over £600 for an evenings babysitting. Speechless.

BloomingHydrangea · 02/08/2019 15:18

Don't return the deposit
Offer to do the job for the agreed amount or if not you will just not do it and retain the deposit

1 child is much harder work than 6!

What contract did you sign with the company?

BloomingHydrangea · 02/08/2019 15:20

I am stunned at you charging over £600 for an evenings babysitting. Speechless.

She is a teacher, Don't you respect professional qualifications and experience?

It is the equivalent of a day and I assume that she is providing the activities.

It is a very reasonable rate.

Sundancer77 · 02/08/2019 15:28

Yeah, the typical rate here is average €15 per child, per hour (some charge more) for weddings and big events and groups of children. So it was actually less that that in the end as I rounded it up to €600.
I would have had sole charge of them and had prepared a movie and games night (would bring my own resources & popcorn etc) although not of this was asked for/demanded. It is the average amount here and I agree was an amazing job! Crazy but I was even hesitant at that price just because of the driving thing 🤷‍♀️ Wouldn’t have been pre child.

OP posts:
Sundancer77 · 02/08/2019 15:29

*None of this

OP posts:
BarrenFieldofFucks · 02/08/2019 15:37

Tbh, you have half the fee, not a deposit.

I would offer to return 200 and keep a 100 deposit, or do it for 500, something like that .

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 02/08/2019 15:42

Wishing's email is very good, I'd send that. You had an agreement, they're the ones trying to change the terms of that agreement at short notice because they don't want to be out of pocket. But why should you be out of pocket when you were and still are willing to hold up your end of the deal?

Sundancer77 · 02/08/2019 15:52

@WishingILivedOnAnIsland Email idea is very good, I just feel like I’d be taking the piss a bit? Babysitting one child for €600 🙄
But on the flip side, that was all in the agreement initially 🤷‍♀️ I’m trying to think what I’d do if it was my wedding and this situation arose? Would I expect the worker to now only accept the deposit or go with what was agreed initially as the plans had been changed on THEIR side, not mine?
It’s a tricky one and I’d definitely send the email IF she wasn’t a sort of friend who was kind to recommend me in the first place 😬I wish I was going it with the actual family rather than her 🙈

OP posts:
Sundancer77 · 02/08/2019 15:53

*Dealing with it through the actual family, not her.

OP posts:
Sundancer77 · 02/08/2019 15:56

I’m also wondering therefore what the family must have said/emailed to the company?
Was it, these children now won’t be attending, only one child will etc, therefore we won’t be paying the rest? They obviously feel the deposit is enough to cover babysitting just the one child, and it is..BUT..it wasn’t the original agreement with everything that came along with it, due to no fault of mine 🤔

OP posts:
MoodLighting · 02/08/2019 15:58

Personally I'd do for the E300. There have been times things have changed unexpectedly for me and people have been kind about accommodating that. I know you don't have to, but I'd pay it forward.

dustarr73 · 02/08/2019 15:59

I would do it as you will only have one child.Saves all the hassle of trying to get money together or looking for a replacement.

Just do it for the amount you have already recieved.But going in,i would have some terms and conditions for others in the future.

Nanna50 · 02/08/2019 16:01

€600 for a movie and popcorn night 😯 even with a tough drive that’s not bad. I can see why they think €300 is enough for one child. You win some you lose some, is it cash in hand?