Answering the door

[MolyHolyGuacamole]

Just read a post in a Facebook group that’s got me thinking. Man posted that he lives with 5 other people who were all at home, and he missed a delivery while he was in the shower. When he asked his roommates if no one heard the doorbell, they all responded that they did but as they weren’t expecting anyone, no one answered the door. He was upset and asked the group if he was wrong for expecting at least one person to answer.

I have to say a lot of the responses shocked me. Loads of people gave answers ranging from they only answer the door if they are expecting someone, to never answering the door!

One person commented that it must be an American thing (mostly Americans in the group) as they didn’t think it was commonplace at all in the UK. And I have to say I agree!

So I’m wondering now what you all do? Is it cultural? I live in London and have never thought twice about answering the door, as I usually expect it to be mail, signed for or parcel etc that can’t fit through the letter box. Sometimes I expect deliveries, but to be honest many times I order a few things and actually forget about them until they arrive! And of course there are letters that require a signature that are unexpected.

I also work in a private home, the owners get parcels delivered all the time, I can’t imagine not answering the door!

So AIBU to think that it’s the norm to not answer unless you are expecting the caller?

I think it's weirder and extremely rude to turn up unannounced at someone's house and expect them to speak to you and entertain you!

I answer the door if it might be a package, or more often, the neighbourhood kids wanting my lot to go outside. I hate doing it though and if the kids aren't home and visible I tend to ignore it. We get a lot of cold callers here. I am in America. Several times I even had a woman wanting money to go and visit a sick relative... never seen her before, and she found her way to my second floor condo... so weird. I rarely answered at all when we lived there.

I wonder if those who hesitate to open their front door had the same sort of upbringing as I did?

As a child, it was drummed into me "don't answer the door", because strangers might try to trick their way in. Indeed, I wasn't allowed to answer the phone until I was about 11, in case I told anybody that my mum wasn't in. It must have been along the same lines as "don't talk to strangers", as every child of the 80's heard.

We lived in London, and our house had very long corridors, so I think my mum's view was that I might try and answer it when she was at the other end of the house, and couldn't get there quickly herself. She was also in the habit of keeping her handbag just inside the front door, and would not be persuaded otherwise.

As for those who think it's weird not to answer: times change. Not so long ago, one's front door was the main contact with the outside world, people would go round to each other's houses for a chat, so yes, everybody did answer their door. Nowadays, we have phone/email/social media, meaning there's less need to answer the door, and those who do knock are far more likely to be unsolicited. We also have far busier and more scheduled lives, so less time to be spontaneous. Our parents often forget this!

And if scammers/robbers do want to get into your house, the first way in they'll try is the front door. So naturally, people are wary of making it easy for them.

Why is it weird not to open the door if you are not expecting a visitor or parcel and you don't have friends and family who just turn up without being invited? It is obviously then either Jehovah's Witnesses, someone trying to sell something or someone from a charity trying to get you to sign up.

I know I don't want double glazing, my garden paved, my windows cleaned, any gardening done, trees pruned or chopped down, any meat, any fish and will choose which charity I give to so why on earth would I open the door to any of them? Nor am I interested in what Jehovah's Witness have to say to me. If I were interested I have a friend who is a JW so can speak to her

I am currently answering the door as I’ve just moved into a new build and am ordering loads of things so it’s likely to be the delivery driver, or a package for a neighbour (everyone has moved in recently). But generally no, I don’t answer the door unless I’m expecting someone. Can’t think why I would. I’d answer if I had a delivery due, or a friend coming to visit, but nobody I know would just show up unannounced to visit, I’d find that incredibly rude and wouldn’t be open to it at all.

I do think it’s generational, I’m baffled by the bafflement of people who say they didn’t know not opening doors was a thing other than MN, surely with a tiny bit of thought you’d realise that you have no idea about the door opening habits of people you know in real life whereas on a thread about the issue with lots of responses you’ll find out about the many people who don’t? I guarantee if you stood in the playground and asked everyone there whether they opened doors when not expecting someone plenty would say they don’t!

I think opening the door when you’re not expecting someone is largely an older person’s thing from before mobile phones were so common, in those days when people could only get hold of you by landline (you might not be in to hear it) or showing up it’s reasonable someone might just pop round. But with mobile phones there’s absolutely no good reason a friend or relative would choose showing up at the house as their first contact rather than calling or messaging to make sure it’s okay first. So people are rightly suspicious that someone knocking is going to be unwanted and not a friend who wants something.

It would never occur to me to show up at someone’s house without checking it was fine first. Would be so rude and intrusive, and I’ve never had a friend or relative just randomly appear at my front door to socialise without prior warning. I’d be flummoxed and wouldn’t want to encourage it so wouldn’t accept their overtures.

Also from a security issue I don’t want anyone who simply knocks on my door to be granted immediate easy access to my house and me. I’ve worked with offenders and read plenty about crime and murder and while I’m not saying it’s likely, it just seems silly to me that any passing person who knocks gets the front door immediately opened for them to barge in. I have a chain like most people so if I’m alone in the house I use that to open it and if it was late I wouldn’t at all.

Always answer the door, find it totally weird not to!

We had frantic knocking one night about 10, DH and I went to the door. Two young lads, one asking for help the other lying on the floor. They'd climbed over the park fence and one had ripped his arm and it was so deep you could see the muscle. We called the ambulance (he'd also fainted at the sight of it) co Reed hon to keep him warm, talked to him to keep him awake, called his mum.

Never regret doing that, would answer again.

I'd want someone to help my nearest and dearest in these circumstances.

Totally bizarre behaviour to not answer your door, some people are madly precious with their time being encroached on 🙄

Totally bizarre behaviour to not answer your door, some people are madly precious with their time being encroached on

Why is it bizarre? Because it's not what you would do?

I also think it’s weird not to answer, or at least not to check who it is.

We have a big porch with frosted glass on the inner door and clear on the outer, but you can’t open the outer door from the outside without a key. So when I open the inner door, I can see who it is and mentally prepare.

The only categories of people I would not want to answer to are cold calling sales people and trick or treaters. But once I’ve opened the inner door, they’ve seen me. I think closing it and walking away would be rude, and I’m not rude. So with cold callers, I prepare to say a polite no thanks. On Hallowe’en, we stay in the lounge at the back of the house with no lights on in the hall and don’t answer the door.

Obviously if I opened the inner door and saw someone wielding a machete covered in blood soaked clothes, I would close the door and call the police.

JemimaPuddlePeacock the "door opening practices" of people I see every day are one thing I do know about, because everyone in the area where I live calls at neighbor's doors.

There are constant MN threads on which posters claim "nobody in RL thinks XYZ" and clearly there people are talking out of their bottoms unless they've interviewed all the "real" non MN people in the world (by knocking on doors...)

If you live somewhere people answer the doors and are a door answering person, you'll also call at neighbors houses and know that they answer their doors... Obviously if you're a splendid isolation, how very dare my neighbor ring my bell type you will neither answer your door nor call at anyone else's and be oblivious to what others do.

It’s also pretty bizarre to assume everyone is in the same position. If you live in a quiet village where everyone knows everyone, then yes, it would be unusual. If you don’t have friends or family close by who ‘pop in’ and aren’t expecting a delivery, it’s really not that bizarre to think it’s just a salesman or someone wanting to save your soul and carry on watching telly.

Only if I’m expecting someone or a delivery.

We get an array of cold callers who never pause for breath, charity people doing the hard sell and a neighbour has dementia who knocks loudly and will push his way into my home unless his family see and restrain him.

I stopped answering the door and phone completely when I went through a really bad bout of anxiety and depression a few years ago. But now I am better I'll answer it probably 8 times out of 10. If I don't answer it's either because I'm in the middle of doing something that I just don't feel like stopping for what is probably just someone trying to convert me to their energy company or their faith or something, or because I'm in a state of undress (I potter about in my undies sometimes if it's hot and I'm home alone) or I just can't be arsed to get off the couch. I have one friend who is in the habit of just turning up unexpectedly once a month or so, but she knows what I'm like so will just shout through the the letter box and then I'll come running because I happen to like her despite her apparent inability to send me a bloody text

@StillCoughingandLaughing yes I do go to work, and despise having to go to the delivery office. Absolutely loathe it. Luckily I have a neighbour who stays at home who is happy to take them in.

This thread specifically mentions 5 adults who were all sat in a house and refused to answer the door to a delivery man, which I find utterly bizarre. A house of 5 grown adults and not one cared to answer the door, ask who it was, look through a peephole or out the window, that's beyond abnormal.

I wonder if those who hesitate to open their front door had the same sort of upbringing as I did?

That's interesting wanderings because No, my childhood was quite the opposite.

My mother kept open house. People were popping in left right and fucking centre and I had no privacy. I HATED it, especially as a teenager. This may have contributed to my loving my own space now and not answering door unless I have arranged something/know who it is and they are welcome.

I never unless am expecting something / someone

I never answer the door. Anybody I want to see has a key to the house. Packages are left on our porch. My family is antisocial af.

I really don’t see how it’s bizzare for people not to answer the door in a house share, they’ll all be well aware if they’re expecting someone or something. If anything I was less likely to answer in a share as everyone felt like unless they were expecting someone it’d be for someone else and their responsibility to answer.

Also if expecting a delivery we’d just send a message to the WhatsApp house group asking if anyone heard the door to please get it.

It entirely depends on the situation. I find it odd that you wouldn't answer in a house share, because presumably there's plenty of other people at home, and it sounds like this happened in the middle of the day, so I would think that, if you're available to, you would just answer the door.

There are times when I don't answer my door. I used to live in a very rough area where an elderly neighbour had repeatedly had her door kicked in by a gang of kids, and they'd rush through the house smashing the place up and then run off through the back. They didn't even steal anything, it was a purely racial attack and it happened to her every few days. The police did fuck all about it. I would sometimes have people knocking at night, and there was no way in hell I was answering that door. I lived alone. It was terrifying.

Where I live now, in rural Australia, there's not much crime so I'd feel ok answering the door. Probably would think twice at night if my DH was on nights because I know there's some kids who barge past you to steal your car keys, but I would take each situation as it came.

I think people saying "why wouldn't you answer your door" have obviously all been lucky enough to live in very safe places.

Anyone who visits me just walks in so unless it's a delivery I don't answer the door. It's usually just god botherer's and sales people so I'm not really missing much.

I don't open the door if I'm not expecting anyone as I live in quite a rough area and my block of flats is near a few late night takeaways that are often frequented by drunks. I've had a drunk person pee through my letter box before.

Also I don't want to get stuck talking to a door to door salesperson!

I can clearly see my front door from my bedroom window so I can check to see who is there and I ignore it if it's someone I don't know.

If I dont expect a delivery then I sometimes will ignore someone who's knocking. Family and friends will walk in so they would never knock.

My DD’s will not open the door unless they know it’s a parcel 😂

I usually will

If I know it’s not for me I often don’t answer. I work from home (I am a childminder) and I regularly feel like I’m the sorting office for the whole street. I am even buzzed for houses down the road and I don’t even know those people.

Recently there has been an influx as I am on maternity leave. Lots of neighbours have put on their delivery notes ring flat 2 and give to chocolatedaim when they have never asked me if that’s ok.
So now I either have the buzzer off the hook, or I just say to the delivery driver no I am not accepting other people’s parcels. It’s just too much.

I’m aware that makes me a miserable sod but other people’s packages aren’t my responsibility