Answering the door

[MolyHolyGuacamole]

Just read a post in a Facebook group that’s got me thinking. Man posted that he lives with 5 other people who were all at home, and he missed a delivery while he was in the shower. When he asked his roommates if no one heard the doorbell, they all responded that they did but as they weren’t expecting anyone, no one answered the door. He was upset and asked the group if he was wrong for expecting at least one person to answer.

I have to say a lot of the responses shocked me. Loads of people gave answers ranging from they only answer the door if they are expecting someone, to never answering the door!

One person commented that it must be an American thing (mostly Americans in the group) as they didn’t think it was commonplace at all in the UK. And I have to say I agree!

So I’m wondering now what you all do? Is it cultural? I live in London and have never thought twice about answering the door, as I usually expect it to be mail, signed for or parcel etc that can’t fit through the letter box. Sometimes I expect deliveries, but to be honest many times I order a few things and actually forget about them until they arrive! And of course there are letters that require a signature that are unexpected.

I also work in a private home, the owners get parcels delivered all the time, I can’t imagine not answering the door!

So AIBU to think that it’s the norm to not answer unless you are expecting the caller?

I ask who it is using our flats door bell phone and then buzz them in if they have a package/ can name a neighbour/ I'm expecting them.

I wouldn't not answer the door unless they look dodgy (like the bloke holding the door handle with a cloth who someone buzzed in after I had refused and he robbed the first floor flats.

The men with fish vans actually have very nice, fresh fish at good prices where I am. Lovely trout in particular!

People living in rural areas, nice areas, etc

do you at least see why those of us living in rough areas would be reluctant?

I remember a poster on a different board who absolutely refused to believe a story about someone who was attacked when they opened their door in a rough part of London. It was bizarre - he literally thought the press had made it up, when loads of urban dwellers could say they didn't answer the door because a desperate druggie might take a swing at you for cash!

I always open the door, it would be really strange not to. I have no problem politely closing a conversation if I am not interested in the person standing there. Yesterday it was "Hello, we are from Octopus energy", "Sorry, I am not interested in changing supplier, thank you, bye" close door. Took 5 seconds.

If I was in bed/not dressed/it was late I would peek out but wouldn't answer the door if it looked like a cold caller, but I would still always check. One time it was when ndn was having a heart attack and his son looking for aspirin as 999 had told them to try to find some while waiting for the ambulance.

I agree with pp, this is just another example of people becoming less and less competent and capable of dealing with/having a conversation with other people in real life rather than email/text message. We have young people in our work who make excuses or avoid lifting a phone when they don't know who is on the other end, they are fine if the same person instant messages them. This avoidance of interacting with people, now learned from a young age impacts their mental well being, job prospects and much more. In the case of my ndn answering the door might have saved a life!

I only answer if I’m expecting a visitor or a parcel. Or a takeout delivery person

RosaWaiting as I said, living in a dodgy area is the only sensible reason for not answering your door (except if you're in bed/ in the shower obviously). I used to live in Tottenham though, and still answered my door during the day! I got to know the lovely very elderly man across the hall - he took in my parcels when I was at work and I fetched his heavier items of shopping (he went shopping himself on foot but walked with a stick and wasn't strong). Obviously I didn't buzz randoms I didn't know into the block, but that's totally different to answering the door!

I live in a very naice area!! I still don't answer the door unless I am expecting someone. Why would I?

Anybody who knows me is well aware I don't tolerate "popping in" so whoever it is isn't welcome.

cuppycakey why would you? Because you are part of a community. Because being part of a social network in your very local area is mutually beneficial. Because your life could be richer if you knew your neighbors. Because one day you might need someone to answer their door to you in an emergency. Because they might be knocking to tell you that your house is on fire or the road is being evacuated due to a ww2 bomb being unearthed/ flooding...

I didn’t unless I was expecting someone as I once had someone force there way in and I was assaulted and burgled. I am working my confidence back up through and managing to open to the door when it is light

I live in a village which is very lovely but I don't answer the door unless I know who it is or am expecting someone or a delivery.

And no, it's not because I am a snowflake who is incapable of communicating with people. It's because I communicate with people all day as part of my job. When I get home I just want to switch off and recharge.

Uninvited visitors are not wanted.

There are constant MN threads about dilemmas which would be solved instantly by face to face contact or a real "live" telephone call, yet the protagonists insist on conducting their lives over social media or instant messaging and drag misunderstandings out until they become so entrenched relationships are destroyed, money is lost, horizons are limited etc etc.

No landline and not answering the door is all part of this spiral of isolation, anxiety and helplessness.

I always answer, and only wish my teenagers did.

so much projecting here

I live in a rough area, but the community is nice. If it's someone who knows me and they are having a crisis, the flat is tiny - they can yell through the door that it's them.

the poster living in a naice place who doesn't want to be part of the community - that's fine too. It's all fine, takes all sorts. I wouldn't judge anyone who does answer the door, I just feel like there's a lot of criticism/assumptions made about those of us who don't.

I don't see "not answering the door" as a spiral of loneliness when half the building has my phone number!!!

Because you are part of a community. Because being part of a social network in your very local area is mutually beneficial. Because your life could be richer if you knew your neighbors. Because one day you might need someone to answer their door to you in an emergency. Because they might be knocking to tell you that your house is on fire or the road is being evacuated due to a ww2 bomb being unearthed/ flooding...

Yeah, no thanks.

I don't answer the door unless I'm expecting a delivery. Usually I can tell by the type of knock on my door if I'd know them or not 🤣

I think it depends on the time of day/night.

When living with other people I would answer it because I don't know if any of them have ordered something, but living alone I often ignore it because if I'm not expecting someone I know they will be trying to sell me something.

I don’t really have visitors so don’t answer the door. Those who come (friends and family) open the back door and shout “hello”. Parcels are left in the shed but we dontbreally do online shopping. Prefer to go out to buy. Its been months since anyone in this house got a parcel !

YY to pp who mentioned community. Though there are bigger things causing it than not opening the door.
It's the unwillingness to get to know the neighbours. I know people in houses around mine. We don't have cuppas together or stop for long chats, but we know who is who and are polite to each other. I know that if anything happened I could go and knock on any one of the 5 houses and get help. I know that not all places allow for that. When I lived in apartments I had basically no idea who lived next to me. That's why I made sure to be polite to neighbours here. If I break my leg and scream for help, someone will come🤷
That's how it often used to be. And that unwillingness to even try to get to know the neighbours kills community and hence a support one could have. Then we have loads of posts about "I have absolutely no one near to help" in various situations as pp said.
And I find that sad. And in some way unsafe too.
Yes some neighbours are nightmares, but majority aren't.

I always answer the door unless:

1. I'm alone and naked

1. I know for certain (because I've only just got home myself and have seen them) that there are people out there selling something/canvassing/proselytising.

If I answer the door and it is someone from one of those last three categories I just politely say no thank you and shut the door.

It could be a parcel, or someone like my neighbour who is old and short, asking for help with some practical thing. I wouldn't want to make myself unavailable for those things.

I check the peep hole. I don't answer the door to chuggers, salesmen or jehovas. I would to anyone else.

user1473878824 why thank you . It is the norm here, I don't know anyone way out in the back country who'd open their door to someone they didn't know, at least not without a weapon of some sort.

A couple of years ago DH was on active duty, one night (about 2am) when an alert pinged on our security system that someone was near our boundary.
I watched some fucker cut our telephone wire, and then climb the gate.
As it happened the police chief and deputy were at mine waiting that night because of other complaints about said fucker, so when he knocked on the front door and called through to "helpfully" tell me our wire was down, and could I open the door so could help me, it was answered by the police. Good job as he had a knife.

I live in a relatively safe part of the US, but there are all manner of creeps in the back country, and you have to be guarded. I used to think all the talk about creeps, weirdos and drifters in the back country was exaggerated, but some of the stuff would make your hair stand on end.

Another time DH was posted abroad I was with him as it was a longer posting. We had a lovely apartment off base in a very naive, safe area. Safe country too, relatively speaking

One evening, late ish the buzzer went, and I ignored it. DH was out and I was tipsy and feeling especially antisocial. The next day I found out one of our neighbours had answered the buzzer, and then her front door only to be dragged out and into a car and raped for hours on end. Poor, poor lady.

I could recount so many more similar occurances (perhaps I'm a trouble magnet?! As a child I did have fortune teller in a fair tell me I will attract darkness) so to paraphrase Nick Fury, people wonder why I don't open my door!

I work from home so don't answer on the rare occasion that the door goes here. My local delivery driver just pops my parcels in the garage and doesn't ring the bell.

When I rented a room with my friends I never answered the door unless I expected someone

EatenByDinosaurs are you the same pister who lists chain saw use as an essential life skill for children, and guns as essential kit to keep in your car boot?

Err no, not me anothernotherone . Is that a movie reference?