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AIBU?

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Original poster

Answering the door

258 replies

MolyHolyGuacamole · 01/08/2019 23:02

Just read a post in a Facebook group that’s got me thinking. Man posted that he lives with 5 other people who were all at home, and he missed a delivery while he was in the shower. When he asked his roommates if no one heard the doorbell, they all responded that they did but as they weren’t expecting anyone, no one answered the door. He was upset and asked the group if he was wrong for expecting at least one person to answer.

I have to say a lot of the responses shocked me. Loads of people gave answers ranging from they only answer the door if they are expecting someone, to never answering the door!

One person commented that it must be an American thing (mostly Americans in the group) as they didn’t think it was commonplace at all in the UK. And I have to say I agree!

So I’m wondering now what you all do? Is it cultural? I live in London and have never thought twice about answering the door, as I usually expect it to be mail, signed for or parcel etc that can’t fit through the letter box. Sometimes I expect deliveries, but to be honest many times I order a few things and actually forget about them until they arrive! And of course there are letters that require a signature that are unexpected.

I also work in a private home, the owners get parcels delivered all the time, I can’t imagine not answering the door!

So AIBU to think that it’s the norm to not answer unless you are expecting the caller?

OP posts:
Gigiandme · 03/08/2019 15:45

I never open the door if I'm not expecting anyone and for some reason it gives me the rage if someone knocks unexpectedly!

Zbag14 · 03/08/2019 16:11

I don't answer my door. I don't even have a doorbell! I have cctv so If im expecting someone I'll watch that. Anything that gets delivered goes to my partners work.

muddledmidget · 03/08/2019 16:18

I answer the door unless I'm having a really lazy day and am still in pyjamas and dressing gown after 9am. Then it's too embarrassing so I just ignore it, or have answered it but with a box of tissues in my hand so they think I'm poorly. Really must start getting dressed as soon as I get up

riotlady · 03/08/2019 16:27

I think it depends on where you live- at the moment I’m on a narrow street of terraced houses so will always open the door as it’s very safe and often take parcels for neighbours etc. However I have loved places where I wouldn’t open the door if I was home alone and not expecting anyone.

riotlady · 03/08/2019 16:28

That should be LIVED places not loved

TheFridgeRaider · 03/08/2019 18:26

@Chocolatedaim it doesn't make you a miserable sod. It makes your neighbours a CFs

AE18 · 03/08/2019 18:35

@muddledmidget you think it's embarrassing to be in your pyjamas after 9am? 😬 my life is so much more of a mess than I realised!

RosaWaiting · 03/08/2019 22:51

wanderings

Sort of same as you, we were taught not to answer the door as children and my parents always checked.

Also, in not great parts of London, dad was nearly attacked by someone wanting his car - which was old, but in those days any car would do I guess?

And my mother had some issues with some horrible men who lived across the street, they might just have enjoyed intimidating a woman home alone with toddler and baby....but anyway, I don’t think it’s generational. Her friends were split half half about it too.

I do think some people just worry less. Years ago, there was an awful attack on a pregnant colleague (she and baby were okay thank goodness) and the police came to our office and warned us against various things, including a short cut to the station. Some staff were really angry about the police visit and the advice. I didn’t understand their attitude at all.

badgermushrooms · 03/08/2019 23:09

What is all this guff about not wanting to get stuck talking to a door to door salesperson/religious person? You just say no thanks politely while shutting the door, surely?

I always answer the door because what if it's important? Once a neighbour knocked on my door to let me know I'd left the car boot open after bringing the shopping in - if I'd ignored that I'd not only have looked like a rude bastard but I'd have had very wet car upholstery the next morning after it rained overnight.

I am pretty antisocial by nature but also I live in a community; until I can afford my own private island it's in my own interests to participate in it.

Borisdaspide · 03/08/2019 23:47

Why would you even open your door to a salesman though? I've got a spy hole, I can tell whether they are actual delivery people or not. We are in inner city and get easily 5 salespeople per day, used to drive me mad when I had a baby napping.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 04/08/2019 00:08

What is all this guff about not wanting to get stuck talking to a door to door salesperson/religious person? You just say no thanks politely while shutting the door, surely?

Why is it ‘guff’? If you ignore an unexpected ring on the doorbell, you don’t have to go through the motions of politeness, surely?

I always answer the door because what if it's important? Once a neighbour knocked on my door to let me know I'd left the car boot open after bringing the shopping in - if I'd ignored that I'd not only have looked like a rude bastard but I'd have had very wet car upholstery the next morning after it rained overnight.

How often does this happen to you? If it was genuinely important (not just leaving the car boot open) wouldn’t the caller keep trying? Shout through the letterbox maybe? Who are these people who knock once when the house is on fire before shrugging and saying ‘Oh well, I tried’?

LipSyncForYourLife · 04/08/2019 00:37

Answering the door to randoms is like writing Christmas cards, old fashioned and not worth the bother.

Twofurrycatsagain · 04/08/2019 00:48

I do. So far this week it's been a parcel for me, parcel for neighbours (we all accept each others and no one takes the piss). Jehovah's witnesses inviting me to a course and a fr

Twofurrycatsagain · 04/08/2019 00:49

Free boiler upgrade thing! Pressed post too soon.

user1471449295 · 04/08/2019 01:03

I never answer the door unless I’m expecting a delivery or person. Even friends and family know to drop a text to let me know they’ll be popping by. It seems like I’m a minority on MN. The way I see it, It’s my home, If I don’t feel like opening my front door to someone I won’t.

TheFridgeRaider · 04/08/2019 08:39

Answering the door to randoms is like writing Christmas cards, old fashioned and not worth the bother.

I do bothBlush

😂 DH was lucky yesterday that I answer the door. He forgot to tell me he ordered something and he did really need it for his work by the evening.i really get why people don't in a not safe areas, but at least talk through the door.

He is now laughing that I feel peeved I've never experienced fish salespeople. Feels like I just missed a proper experience 😂

Original poster
MolyHolyGuacamole · 04/08/2019 11:15

@badgermushrooms completely agree with everything you said

OP posts:
Livpool · 04/08/2019 11:29

I always answer the door - not sure why you wouldn't. My friend lives alone and never does though - I think she is more unusual though

adaline · 04/08/2019 11:46

I always answer the door - not sure why you wouldn't.

Because I don't want to? I think it's far ruder to turn up at someone's house and expect them to talk to you, personally.

anothernotherone · 04/08/2019 16:23

Something this thread has brought to my attention is how many of the people who never answer the door are happy for non residents of the house to let themselves in uninvited with their own keys or simply through an unlocked door.

That I couldn't stand! There'd be no privacy at all!

I'm happy to open the door - and to close it again... Only residents of the house come in without being invited to verbally, by the person who opens the door. Being unwilling to open the door but happy to get out of the shower and find relatives unexpectedly waiting in your kitchen makes no sense to me.

There's nothing as strange as other people...

sashh · 04/08/2019 16:37

Late evening I'd probably ask who it is first but my default is to answer.
It's usually expected or someone trying to sell a mattress.

I first came across the not answering when I lived in London and a work colleague said she only answered the door if she was expecting something/someone.

HungryHazelEyes · 04/08/2019 17:29

I grew up in a village (UK) where we would have visitors any time, could visit anyone any time, always happy to see each other and kettle always put on.
Now I live in the states, I have a friend who was expecting me, I had to text her when leaving my house (5 minutes away). I knocked on the door, no answer, until I texted her that I was at the door!! I just don't get it.
My house is always open to visitors, but we don't ever get anyone just stopping by, pretty sad if I think about it.

Mothership4two · 12/08/2019 02:19

I think it's weirder and extremely rude to turn up unannounced at someone's house and expect them to speak to you and entertain you!

Bet your family and friends love you

Mothership4two · 12/08/2019 02:23

Answering the door to randoms is like writing Christmas cards, old fashioned and not worth the bother.

this is why I despair of modern human society

JemimaPuddlePeacock · 12/08/2019 08:11

this is why I despair of modern human society

Really? Because people don’t write Christmas cards anymore? A piece of card with some writing on dying out means you despair of modern humanity? Amazing 😂

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