Answering the door

[MolyHolyGuacamole]

Just read a post in a Facebook group that’s got me thinking. Man posted that he lives with 5 other people who were all at home, and he missed a delivery while he was in the shower. When he asked his roommates if no one heard the doorbell, they all responded that they did but as they weren’t expecting anyone, no one answered the door. He was upset and asked the group if he was wrong for expecting at least one person to answer.

I have to say a lot of the responses shocked me. Loads of people gave answers ranging from they only answer the door if they are expecting someone, to never answering the door!

One person commented that it must be an American thing (mostly Americans in the group) as they didn’t think it was commonplace at all in the UK. And I have to say I agree!

So I’m wondering now what you all do? Is it cultural? I live in London and have never thought twice about answering the door, as I usually expect it to be mail, signed for or parcel etc that can’t fit through the letter box. Sometimes I expect deliveries, but to be honest many times I order a few things and actually forget about them until they arrive! And of course there are letters that require a signature that are unexpected.

I also work in a private home, the owners get parcels delivered all the time, I can’t imagine not answering the door!

So AIBU to think that it’s the norm to not answer unless you are expecting the caller?

EatenByDinosaurs no, boringly it's a reference to an actual MN poster. She had a different name though I can't remember what it was, but plenty of posters namechange a lot or have more than one active account for whatever perfectly innocent reasons. She used/ uses similar phrases and described/ describes living in a similar location but also posts about chain saw use (very important in case the sole road to your backcountry home is made inaccessible by fallen trees) and guns as every day items all 12 year olds should be competent with... She also encounters alarming numbers of crazy axe murderer types. To a European reader she usually starts off sounding sensible and veers suddenly into ... not.

anothernotherone jeez. No, thankfully not here!!! I don't think I'd ever sleep again. There are some weird corners of the States for sure and some of the redneck shit is disturbing. I'm not a fan of guns, you can take the girl out of England and so on

Eatenbydinosaur 's that's a relief knife attackers and rapists at the door of the same person is very unlucky indeed and against the odds in most places, at least in Europe, though!

anothernotherone more of a relief for me I'd say!!
I don't know, things would have been a lot safer if we lived or live in military housing, but we've done that in actually fairly unsettled places and I hated it.
I try to rationalise it as if DH's being posted there, there's a reason, and there is often usually bad feeling towards the US military. In some places we've been warned that spouses are targeted as a kind of backlash. I didn't go to those places.

To be fair I've lived a safer life than friends in New York, or Chicago. Their run ins are more frequent

I always answer the door, it wouldn't occur to me not to.

I once knocked on a door when someone unknowingly dropped their purse on the street. Obviously their address was in it so I could return it. Had they refused to open the door to me and I could see they were refusing to acknowledge me even though they had no idea why I wanted to speak to them then I would have been one purse richer I guess. (It was too big for the letterbox) Either that or I would have popped it back on the pavement where I found it and let the local dodgy folk nab it.

I always answer my door, though as I live alone I will look first. I've never heard of anyone not answering the door before. I can understand it with regards to people who are constantly bombarded with salesmen or who live in isolated or unsafe areas but not really in other circumstances. Does no one ever get unexpected packages from family or friends? Mostly it's my neighbors or their kids coming to my door with something important to convey. I only have conversations with a few neighbors--we don't really socialize outside of driveway conversations, so if they are at my door, it's something I need to know. I've come to their doors for help a few times as well. Texting or phoning? I don't know any of their numbers!

I see who it is first, if it's a postie or delivery person I would always answer it. Otherwise, if I'm not expecting anyone and when I look it's not a close friend/family member, I don't answer it.

The only time I don’t answer my door is at the weekend if my DD’s are already out playing.. they get so many kids calling for them that I would never be away from the door (living room upstairs too so a real pain) ... I have even been know to turn the doorbell off when it gets particularly bad 😂

Where I live now I always answer the door but only ever get the postman or parcel delivery knocking.

Where I moved from I didn't answer the door unless I was expecting a parcel.

I started off always opening but got sick and tired of the Jehovah's witnesses (literally every week), the double glazing salesmen, the block paving salesmen, the charity people etc.

One day I had 6 people knock. One selling meat who got really rude when I said me and DH are vegetarian (it's true), one double glazing, one asking if I wanted the front garden paved, one asking if I wanted a window cleaner, one asking if I wanted the tree in the front chopped down, one trying to get me to sign up to a charity.

I decided that day that I would only answer the door if I was expecting someone or something.

Gosh - I answer the door - it's usually a friend of my DDs. Obviously this is very quaint to have a neighbouring child knock on the door and not the done thing at all.

I only answer the door if in expecting someone or a delivery.

Otherwise no.

I only answer the door if I am expecting someone. I have had soooooooooooo many cold callers over the years and some are beyond pushy. One came from a charity one evening and when i told him i had no money he put his foot in my door to stop me closing it and commented on what an expensive tv i had! I have screened ever since. Rare time anyone would call to my house unannounced anyway and if so its for the kids so they look out the window and if its for them the answer themselves otherwise its not opened!

I always answer the door, it's also always unlocked when I'm home.

I agree with what pp have said about it being a generational thing... I’m of the no landline, rarely phone anyone, WhatsApp conversation generation and while I will always answer the door if I’m expecting a parcel, I won’t answer the door if I’m:
a) busy (putting baby down for nap for example)
b) not appropriately dressed (no bra, PJs etc)
c) tired
d) can’t be arsed

I live in a naice rural area (not in a village, up a single track lane about 2 miles from nearest village) and the only unexpected callers we’ve had in 10 years have been people trying to sell fish/god/rugs/dusters and they’re few and far between. I don’t see why I should have to interrupt my day to tell someone to get the fuck off my property?!!

I never answer the door unless I am expecting a delivery.

Someone I knew lived next door to an open prison! They had to have self locking doors (kept a key on them at all times) and had a key safe outside, because sometimes the 'guests' of HM used to go on walkabout.
If it wasn't the 'guests' it would be their friends and relatives having a nosy around the estate.
He had to be careful answering the door, especially in the evening and night.
Now has one of those ring doorbells, so he can keep an eye on who is at his house, even when he's away from it.

This thread has been done countless times, and EVERY time the same things crop up.

‘I always answer the door and don’t know anyone who doesn’t’.

What’s your point? Clearly there are plenty of people who don’t; otherwise the threads wouldn’t exist. Just because you don’t know anyone who doesn’t answer their door, it doesn’t mean no such people exist. Has it ever occurred to any of these people that if they live in an area where friends and neighbours are always ‘popping by’, then many of the people they know are a) in similar positions and b) have no objections to unexpected visitors? Otherwise they wouldn’t be popping in on you, would they?

‘How on earth do you ever get a delivery?!’

If you’ve ordered something to be delivered, you’re fucking expecting someone!! You might not know exactly when it’s coming, but you know it’s coming at some point soon so might at least glance out of the window. As for unexpected registered letters, they don’t exactly turn up on a weekly basis. In the same way not all of us live on a quiet cul-de-sac where everyone knows everyone, not everyone lives miles from the sorting office either. It’s less than ten minutes’ walk for me. In any case, I’m far more likely to miss the post because I’m at work than because I ignored the doorbell.

‘It might be a friend popping by unexpectedly, or a neighbour bringing some cake or fruit from their garden!’

Do people really think grown adults are incapable of assessing the likelihood of this? At no point in the ten years I’ve lived where I live have my neighbours popped by with fruit - I don’t see it starting now. My closest friend in geographical terms lives a 20-minute walk away. Why would she randomly ‘pop in’ and potentially waste 40 minutes walking there and back if I’m not in when she could just ring to check?

‘Don’t your children’s friend’s ever come to ask them out to play? Our doorbell is going all day long in the holidays!’

If that starts happening to me, my big worry will not be answering the door, but how I gave birth without noticing and where said children have been since. The poor little sods must be starving as I’ve certainly never fed them.

‘I once answered the door and it was someone having a heart attack / giving birth / on fire and they didn’t have their phone to call 999’.

So do these people knock once, give up when you don’t answer and die in the street? Or do they bang harder; maybe try shouting ‘Help!’ It seems extraordinarily defeatist to give up that quickly. And what do they do when someone isn’t answering the door because they’re not in? (Surely that’s an acceptable reason?) Don’t they try any other doors?

Does no one ever get unexpected packages from family or friends?

But surely by definition something ‘unexpected’ doesn’t happen very often? Surely on the rare occasions this happens you could just collect them from the sorting office or pick-up point - just as you would if you were out when they arrived, or at work?

I don't answer the door if not expecting something and I don't answer the phone to numbers I don't have saved. Each to their own

I open the door.

I live in a village, we get lots of lost people, either looking for addresses in the village (proper village, less than 50 houses and no shops to ask at) or tourists looking for holiday cottages at nearby farms. But I usually have a frantically barking crazed dog at my heels when I answer.

Oddly enough the postman doesn't tend to knock, except for signatures, he just opens the door and puts parcels inside.

We spend half the year in Israel, and where we live its common to have a built in safe place within the wall of the garden. You give the code to your postman/fedex/courier, and they simply leave the item there. Much better than endless trips to pick things up or arranging redelivery.

The rest of the year, we have a lot of security in our compound, and no one can access our floor without the appropriate keycard, but I'd still never open the door unless I knew who it was. Our children are too little to have this impact their social lives yet, but we will have to work around that eventually - I hadn't thought of it until this thread really!

I think I would die of curiosity if I didn’t answer the door or landline.

Not that anyone very exciting has ever one to my door as of yet, but you never know.

I don't answer my phone if I don't know who it is either. I only have a mobile.

Am not sure it's a generational thing as I am mid 50s.