Answering the door

[MolyHolyGuacamole]

Just read a post in a Facebook group that’s got me thinking. Man posted that he lives with 5 other people who were all at home, and he missed a delivery while he was in the shower. When he asked his roommates if no one heard the doorbell, they all responded that they did but as they weren’t expecting anyone, no one answered the door. He was upset and asked the group if he was wrong for expecting at least one person to answer.

I have to say a lot of the responses shocked me. Loads of people gave answers ranging from they only answer the door if they are expecting someone, to never answering the door!

One person commented that it must be an American thing (mostly Americans in the group) as they didn’t think it was commonplace at all in the UK. And I have to say I agree!

So I’m wondering now what you all do? Is it cultural? I live in London and have never thought twice about answering the door, as I usually expect it to be mail, signed for or parcel etc that can’t fit through the letter box. Sometimes I expect deliveries, but to be honest many times I order a few things and actually forget about them until they arrive! And of course there are letters that require a signature that are unexpected.

I also work in a private home, the owners get parcels delivered all the time, I can’t imagine not answering the door!

So AIBU to think that it’s the norm to not answer unless you are expecting the caller?

I find it quite rude not to answer the door. Obviously if you’re up in the bath you might not but generally the reason we have a doorbell is to alert us to the fact someone wants or needs our attention.

We live remotely with no mobile telephone signals so quite often get requests for use of phone, lavatory, directions, water etc. It would seem churlish to ignore requests for help, particularly from someone who had fallen off their bicycle or twisted an ankle climbing a style. It would also seem rude and dismissive to not answer if one of our neighbours called for whatever reason. They’d know whether we were in or not.

I don't answer the door or phone to people i dont know.

I used to live in a terrace that opened straight onto the street in a fairly rough area. We used to get plagued by door to doors- double glazing, JWs, chuggers, the lot. I got into the habit of not answering if I wasn’t expecting anyone, because 95% of the time it wasn’t anybody you’d be pleased to see. So I understand people not doing it in a similar situation, especially if they live alone. Not in a shared house, though, where you’d assume several people shopping online = lots of deliveries.

We always answer the door, and genuinely don't know anyone who doesnt. I find it very odd and didn't know people did this till using this site.

I'm American and never heard of people not answerig the door until I joined mumsnet.

I always answer the door or my husband does. Usually it's just a package or the Labour party.

I find it quite rude not to answer the door

I find it quite rude to knock on the door of someone you don't know for no valid reason.

I have one of those camera devices so we can see who is at the door.
Would never answer to a sales person/cold caller/ Jehovah 's witness or similar.

We had some quite aggressive door to door salespeople in the last 6 months so now I've stopped answering the door unless I'm expecting someone. We've got a ring doorbell so I'll often answer that in the house to say it's not a good time.

Never deliveries because I have all parcels delivered to work - small office, I generally answer the door so not inconveniencing anyone by doing this.

The house next door is an HMO and they never answer the door. Have stopped taking in deliveries for them because they would never answer the door when we'd try to drop them back off and then they started knocking for parcels at daft times of night when DC were in bed.

Nope if it's someone I want to interact with I'll be expecting them.

I feel quite sad I have never had anyone trying to sell me fish from the van in over a decade in uk! More pp mentioned it now

I don’t need ESP to know I’ve ordered something and when it is expected to arrive - there are usually text or email updates if it isn’t next day delivery 😊. Genuinely don’t get unexpected mail that would need a signature.

I have awful anxiety. I hate answering the door (and the phone) we now live in a house with a hallway so I can peak and see who it is first but most friends and family know how i am so will WhatsApp first.
I have missed out on parcels before because I just could not answer the door.
So yes it does sound stupid but I do have my reasons. Its my house and my issues so people should be respectful of that.

I do answer the door but accompanied by 2 or 3 dogs. If I was at home alone, I wouldn't answer unless expecting someone.

I always answer the door unless I’ve spotted door to door salespeople/chuggers working their way down the street. Even then I’d look and double-check it was actually them not someone I know.

We have people knocking at the door several times a day - friends calling for the dcs, friends of mine wanting a quick word or popping by with something from their garden or coming for a quick coffee, Amazon deliveries, etc.

I used to feel anxious about it when living in London though because we’d never have people popping round to see us, just coldcallers.

I'm American living in UK again now, and never heard of people not answering the door until I joined Mumsnet. No one I know in US ignores the doorbell.

Of course I answer the door. Some people are just strange (and ignorant and childish).

I assume that the people who don't answer the door live in dodgy, dodgy areas.

I always answer the door. During the day in nice weather if someone's downstairs it's usually wide open with kids going in and out anyway.

It's usually for the kids, or a neighbor, if not a parcel/ postman. Sometimes it's neighborhood type stuff. Sometimes it's lost people asking where number such and such is because the numbers make no sense in our road. Sometimes it's a child who's fallen over in the playground next to the house and wants me to pass them out a bowl of warm water, kitchen roll and a plaster - I have no problems with that, it takes a village and all.

There's something so insular, clostrophobic and frightened about never answering the door - I assume those people have no local support network, are afraid to leave their 10 year olds home alone because they don't know the neighbors, and consider everyone else a threat or not their problem...

The phenomenon of MNetters not answering the door is the weirdest fucking thing I’ve ever encountered in this site.

I generally don't answer unless I'm expecting something/someone. I can see who's at the door from my window though so that helps me decide if I should answer.

I had a situation years back before I had DH and kids where a 'cold caller' had come to my door during the day, spent ages chatting to him. He came back with 3 other men a few nights later and broke in to my house. I suppose I've been wary since then!

I always answer the door, as it’s usually family or friends coming to visit. We are the unofficial (and somewhat official) HQ, so always have people coming in and out for a cup of tea/glass of wine/BBQ/just to chill out on the couch or in the garden for a bit. I love it.

The only way I wouldn’t answer is if it was late evening and I was home alone and not expecting anyone, or if I knew it was salespeople going door to door. However, we are extremely lucky at our current house, as we’ve literally never had any religious/salespeople to the door.

FWIW I think both landlines and door answering are a generational thing - it’s not about region, ethnicity, culture...etc its just about age!

If you surveyed 18-30 yo’s I would guarentee that the percentage of those who had landlines, or answered the door if they weren’t expecting anyone, would be DRASTICALLY lower than any older categories!

I answer the door but do check the peephole first and ignore it if it's Jehova's Witnesses. The dog goes potty though so would be difficult to miss someone knocking.

Also don't answer the door to chuggers, which seems to be pretty common on our cul de sac as they never get an answer here.

Mostly yes, but occasionally I haven't if I am not expecting anyone. It has been occasions where someone has knocked when I was still in bed or when I was in the shower.

gonewiththepotter there are still areas without mobile reception. Also people seriously disable themselves by not having a landline (which is very often free with your internet package anyway) because they then believe that they can't leave a pre teen who doesn't have a mobile at home without a mobile owner, they can't leave their mobile downstairs or switch it off when they go to bed because there might be an emergency and it's their only link to young adult children or elderly parents/ the outside world etc.

Do you foresee a future in which everyone's a Hikikomori, interacting only in virtual space?

I suspect that a disproportionate percentage of MNers are there already. The only person I've ever met in "real life" who openly admitted to never answering her door unless you called in advance was someone I initially "met" on another (pre my discovery of MN) online forum.