Answering the door

[MolyHolyGuacamole]

Just read a post in a Facebook group that’s got me thinking. Man posted that he lives with 5 other people who were all at home, and he missed a delivery while he was in the shower. When he asked his roommates if no one heard the doorbell, they all responded that they did but as they weren’t expecting anyone, no one answered the door. He was upset and asked the group if he was wrong for expecting at least one person to answer.

I have to say a lot of the responses shocked me. Loads of people gave answers ranging from they only answer the door if they are expecting someone, to never answering the door!

One person commented that it must be an American thing (mostly Americans in the group) as they didn’t think it was commonplace at all in the UK. And I have to say I agree!

So I’m wondering now what you all do? Is it cultural? I live in London and have never thought twice about answering the door, as I usually expect it to be mail, signed for or parcel etc that can’t fit through the letter box. Sometimes I expect deliveries, but to be honest many times I order a few things and actually forget about them until they arrive! And of course there are letters that require a signature that are unexpected.

I also work in a private home, the owners get parcels delivered all the time, I can’t imagine not answering the door!

So AIBU to think that it’s the norm to not answer unless you are expecting the caller?

I have never thought about not opening the door tbh

Obviously Eaten's situation is a bit different - understandable for you, but all these people who have ESP as to when a parcel is going to be delivered or a letter needing signing for, is quite impressive.

I don't answer my phone to an unknown number either for the same reason, it's my time that's being intruded on and I'll decide whether I want that intrusion or not.

In the last couple of years I've helped out neighbours who have been stuck for one reason or another - one was a fire and they got out quickly, without going to look for their phone, and I called 999 for them. Another time was when next door had locked themselves out, but I was able to help them get in by going through our garden. A another time I let the neighbour's dc in to my house to wait when they'd forgotten their key. Then there were the new neighbours that had moved in that came to introduce themselves and invite us round for a drink.

I find it pretty sad that there are people who wouldn't help out in these circumstances. You must live very isolated lives. It is no wonder so many people report that they are lonely when they don't interact with their neighbours even.

I'm American I've never heard people not answering the door unless it was for Jehovah Witness.

I always open it. Once it was a strange man at night and he told me my husband had been in a road accident a block away. If I hadn't answered, I wouldn't have found out so quickly.

I usually open it, but to be honest we have a porch so all deliveries are left in there, sometimes they don't even knock. 9/10 times when I've answered and not been expecting anything it's been a charity person / someone selling someone and I hate it. I hate telling them no, I have anxiety and it massively puts me on edge. Some may say adults know how to deal with it, but if you felt how I do afterwards, you wouldn't either.

*Aquamarine1029

If it's someone I'm expecting like a delivery person, or a person I know, I answer the door. If it's a complete unidentifiable stranger, I will speak to them through the door and tell them to bugger off if they are dodgy or I'm not interested in whatever they're trying to sell/promote, whatever.*

Me too. I ask who it is through the door, and if it's not of interest, I say 'No thank you' and walk away. If it's the postwoman, I open up!

Most of the time I don't answer the door unless I'm expecting someone to call. I would answer at ridiculous o'clock (after checking through a window) in case it was police/an emergency.

Virtually everyone I know is the same. If I want my neighbour I ring her first as she doesn't answer the door either.

'I just don't understand not answering your own front door. It's bizarre.'

It is not bizarre. I have a dear friend who lives in a multiple occupancy house, with multiple occupancy houses on both sides (and also on the other side of the road). He is a disabled 84-year old man. Couriers ring his doorbell up to seven or eight times a day, because all the other houses are unoccupied during the day. So the drivers will ring his bell, because he is always at home, and ask him to take in the parcels. It is very difficult for him to get to the door; he walks with a stick, very slowly. He has been in tears because of all this. I and his other friends and family kept telling him to just not answer the bloody door! Its not his fault that all his neighbours are all at work/college and he is the only one at home! He also gets his bell rung by religious nutters, people selling fish, people asking for money for charity, people offering to cut his grass (he hasn't got any) or clean his windows, or asking if "Dave lives here" etc. These people terrify him, because he is old and frail and vulnerable. Finally, after a lot of nagging, he agreed to ignore the doorbell. In the rare event that a courier has a parcel for him, they will leave a card and he can arrange redelivery on a day of his choosing, and his friends and family will always call him when they are going to visit, so he knows to let them in.
So - not every person who doesn't answer the doorbell is 'bizarre'! It very much depends on your circumstances.

I'm in the UK and unless I'm expecting someone or its the post man i dont answer. I will look through the peep hole at who it is if im wondering who it is as im mot expecting anyone and sure enough its JW or some animal charity bothbofneachblike to keep you at your door for ages so no I dont answer

I live in London. The house has bay windows so I get to peek out if I'm not expecting anyone I take it from there and decide whether to answer or not.

I never answer the door unless I’m expecting a delivery/someone.

We get more than our fair share of chuggers, cold callers, canvassers, reformed ex prisoners selling dusters for twenty quid...I just can’t be bothered.

We have sheer blinds so I can peer at who it is from the livingroom. If it's no one I know or I'm expecting I ignore. When we first moved into our house I used to always answer the door, but the delivery guy realised I was on Mat leave and in a lot so he started to just deliver the entire street's parcels. I started to get fed up so started to ignore the door. Unless I know me or my husband have ordered something I ignore. He goes mad sometimes if we have a card pushed through, asks if I heard the door i did but thought it wasn't our delivery and ignored it.

When I lived in uni houseshares I mostly ignored it, I had the room by the door and got fed up of being the reception for 5 other people's parcels and visitors!

I never answer the door unless it's an expected delivery.

We have a Ring doorbell so now we just look at our phones and 'answer' that way if we feel like it. DH actually had about a 20 minute conversation with some old friends he hadn't seen for years via Ring. We were in North Carolina and they dropped by our house in California as they were in the area. DH recognized them and 'answered the door' on his phone.

Before the Ring, we'd peek out the front blinds. If we didn't recognize the person or they didn't have a delivery in their hands we wouldn't answer. Why would I open my door to a perfect stranger?

I always peep out of the window to check who it is before answering.

I never answer the door ... firstly I'm too lazy to walk down the stairs to get to the door and more importantly my ex stalked me, harassed me to the point I needed an injunction - he still now plays ringing the doorbell / knocking at all times of day & night so I won't answer the door & will rearrange deliveries if they leave a calling card

Anyone visiting me texts anyway as they need a parking permit so I know they're here before they even knock

I answer the door always. I had never encountered people who don’t until Mumsnet where you never answer the door to anyone unless they’ve given you written warning.

It's all well and good to be sarcastic, but you don't know what people's reasons might be. I have social anxiety (I know that tends to get pooh-pooh-ed a lot on MN, but people do suffer from it) and while I do feel duty bound to answer the door out of politeness, my heart sinks sometimes when I hear the doorbell go.

The possibility of not answering the door has literally never crossed my mind, wow, I must do this, just sit and ignore it with the telly on.

Knowing my luck it will be some rich philanthropist looking to give 10 million to the first person to open their door. That would sum up my luck.

I live in the USA and I don't answer the door unless I'm expecting someone. I have zero social anxiety but I can't be bothered because important people phone/email/text/make appointments, so why would I answer a random ring? I check after the bell to see if there's a package waiting, but I don't answer to people unless I recognise them. They are salespeople and I can't be bothered. On the off chance it's a neighbour, I'll either open the door right then or go round later.

I used to live in London and I didn't answer the door there either. It was always drunks/druggies/weirdos/packages for strangers, and I lived in a naice area too.

My elderly parents are unable to leave a phone ringing or a door unanswered. This guarantees they are frequently bothered by sales callers.

I, too, only answer the door if I'm expecting someone.

@EatenByDinosaurs yes of course but that’s not the NORM is it? If you have good reason not to, fine. But just ignoring someone at your door just because is weird.

I live in London. I have a spy hole and an intercom. If I see its a delivery, I open it obviously. If its a random charity collector or other salesman type thing, I don't even bother speaking to them.

I once had a man knock on my door at nearly midnight, begging for money.

I used to blindly open the door regardless. Now, I have the mindset that its my home, if I don't want to open the door to you, I don't have to.

I don't answer the door unless expecting someone or expecting a parcel. I get more than enough sales people or religious people too sometimes. I don't want to feel uncomfortable on my door step so I ignore them.