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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give birth through the NHS?

358 replies

HereOrThereAndAnywhere · 01/08/2019 18:44

With all the news stories of poor NHS maternity care and not good outcomes, I'm wondering if it would be worth it to give birth in another country. Is that a bad idea? Was your birth experience (if you had one in the last couple years) ok?

For voting purposes

YABU = Maternity care is perfect and there's nothing to worry about
YANBU = Maternity care has really gone downhill so I would try to figure out another way to give birth either privately or abroad

OP posts:
MangoMummy19 · 02/08/2019 18:07

In the NHS in my experience it's a bit of a postcode lottery and depends on the hospital. I think you can give birth anywhere in the UK now, not dependant on where you live. Colchester hospital had the most attentive staff in my opinion. Good luck!

Lovebeingmama · 02/08/2019 18:12

Im a Brit that gave birth in Belgium while I was an expat just across the border in Maastricht, Netherlands.
It can be daunting having a baby in a country with a different culture. Be prepared for the differences. Things like ‘gas and air’ are not available for example. I also think the Netherlands is more biased towards ‘home’ or ‘natural’ births, but that may be changing. It also can be difficult to have complex or reassuring conversations when not talking in your native language. You are at a very vulnerable time in your life, you don’t want to feel uneasy or confused.
I haven’t had a baby in the UK, but I had the same consultant throughout and at the birth in Belgium which was great. I paid a little extra for a private room and you can stay in hospital longer if you choose and need support. I stayed in 3 days.
Also, as we lived in the Netherlands which benefited from the kraamzorg service. A helper that comes to your home and supports you with the baby, cooking and cleaning for up to a week. That was great.
Don’t assume that just because you give birth in the EU your child will have citizenship, it’s often not as simple as that.

Kate0902900908 · 02/08/2019 18:17

A women I know ( holding details due to not wanting to breech her privacy) had a baby in the last two weeks. Unfortunately and heartbreakingly the baby did not survive. This would have been possibly prevented had the NHS been able to act quicker but on that day staffing was low and as a result the lady was given substandard care and her baby died.
I would like to think this is extremely rare but apparently not if you google court cases..
Very sad

Jeeperscreepers69 · 02/08/2019 18:20

O please. The nhs is fab. Why the fuck would you want to have your baby abroad. You cant fly for a month or so until babys lungs are fully developed. So how does that feature in your grand plans????

Rainbows1 · 02/08/2019 18:20

I’m an NHS midwife and genuinely, we are aware of where we cant give enough care and we hate it. Mostly this is in postnatal, which is completely insane. Sadly, the lack of funding has affected this.
Funny enough, our funding comes from birth rates - according to the daily mail today, this is at an 80 year low!! (Considering I’ve had one break in the last 3 shifts, I can’t beleive this...)

I’ve worked in another EU country and was shocked at the apparent lack of skills of the practitioners, despite the number of midwives around.

If you decide to go with the NHS, we will do everything we can to keep you safe. You might not always agree or understand why we do things the way we do, but we don’t do it to harm anyone.

If you do decide to go abroad, I hear the Netherlands has one of the best maternity care systems in the world.

My cousin is having a baby abroad (they live there) and they have to book their paediatrician for the birth. They’ve had to find their own doctor etc. At least in the NHS you have access to all the people you need that you don’t even know you need..

Good luck whatever you decide to do :)

Rainbows1 · 02/08/2019 18:23

Oh and I forgot to add... obstetrics and maternity has the smallest of all complaints throughout the whole of the NHS.

lilybetsy · 02/08/2019 18:24

you may not be trying to be a dick, but you are being anyway,

Precious ?

LouH1981 · 02/08/2019 18:26

I’m 23 weeks pregnant and am using NHS. 1st birth went well and had/currently have no complaints although I have no comparison. Our local hospital is brilliant.
Just purely out of interest though, how much does a private birth cost?

FlorencesHunger · 02/08/2019 18:26

I think NHS care is sufficient for your needs even if they are stretched they will do their utmost to give you a healthy birth.

If you want a more pleasant or managed experience you could hire some extra care bits. Like a Doula etc. I have no idea but its extra frills and someone experienced to care for you with undivided attention.

Zoejj77 · 02/08/2019 18:32

My local maternity ward was fantastic with facilities and support

SunniDay · 02/08/2019 18:33

Any private birth would surely have to be insurance backed? Certain conditions and circumstances would put the cost of care into the hundreds of thousands of pounds - (millions?) So if you are paying £xxx for a private birth make sure you know how costs will be paid for if mum and/or baby require intensive care and operations.

Fanacapan · 02/08/2019 18:35

I think you should stop reading the Daily Mail.

IsobelRae23 · 02/08/2019 18:35

Call me stupid but I thought that NICU care can run into hundreds of thousands per baby. That could possibly be on top of 3-5 month stay for you and dp, plus your hospital fees (£8 per 1 paracetamol in some places), then when you are in a labour your gas and air, epidural and so on. Then on top of all that, your flights are just pocket money if you can afford all of the above.

I would just love to have your bank balance, however I would still use the NHS, (I had 2 brilliant births).

Tigerlilly17 · 02/08/2019 18:41

You have to think about after the birth, such as registering baby, getting a passport and bringing them back etc. Will be very expensive and stressful. I had a hospital birth, which was fine and a home birth, bloody brilliant xx

annoyedofnorwich · 02/08/2019 18:41

It was shit 4 years ago and by all accounts worse now. I shan't be having a second child as the first time round was traumatic enough. Badly organised, understaffed, dirty, incompetent. Lucky neither of us died.

helpIhateclothesshopping · 02/08/2019 18:58

I wouldn't travel to give birth. It was hard enough travelling with a 6 week old for her christening, I didn't even have a C Section. It really would be better to hire a doula, private midwife or nurse just to be with you. With the best will in the world it will be what it is. What will probably help is paying to go on a hypnosis for childbirth course. I paid about £50 to go, I was a lot less stressed and that made a huge difference to the experience.

FoodologistGirl · 02/08/2019 19:10

You tend to hear the bad stories about the Births not the good ones, as people love a bit of horror stories and drama. No one tends to say oh I went it and had a great straightforward birth, it’s boring. I’d say the NHS is one of the safest places to have a baby as if there is problem going private you’ll end up rushed to the nearest NHS hospital anyway.

cantwait2bfree · 02/08/2019 19:16

Why not just private in the UK?

Logan2014 · 02/08/2019 19:17

How about a home birth had had 3 home births with a company called one2one midwives they were fantastic

Jeeperscreepers69 · 02/08/2019 19:17

Darling your dillusional. Get a grip.

GenevaMaybe · 02/08/2019 19:21

I had a private birth in the Uk, in the Westminster suite at St Thomas’. It was a good experience with my own nice en-suite bedroom that my husband had a proper bed in.
Since then I had a baby in Switzerland which is ridiculously luxurious. I felt that the healthcare in the UK was better though, which I would prioritise over the extreme luxury any day.

BobbyGentry · 02/08/2019 19:23

Based on my experience you give birth through your birth canal.

☝️ this, where: birth canal ✅

Jeeperscreepers69 · 02/08/2019 19:24

Lucky yes. Did you contract something nasty due to the filthy conditions princess?Dear lord how judgemental.

Tinkerbelle57 · 02/08/2019 19:31

To be honest I cannot believe you would want to travel to another country to give birth, unless you are not from the UK.
Everyone has a different story to tell about childbirth or the NHS and no two are the same.
If you are worried about the NHS here, go private in this country. Do your research tho. My daughter has just had her baby in the Lindo wing at St Mary’s in Paddington. The care was amazing.

Genzymoo · 02/08/2019 19:32

I don’t necessarily think YABU.

My first experience was bad - induced, no one checking on me, no pain relief until 8cm, and only then did they check how dilated I was because I demanded it (having requested on a number of occasions previously). Once I was taken to delivery suite, all was fine though.

I had an elective c-section with number 2, in part because of the poor experience with number 1 - it was a moe positive experiment by far. This was until I got to post-natal care, and this was again a fairly poor experience, largely due to them being overstretched I think,

In my view, the practicalities of travelling (unless you are planning to travel months ahead of your EDD) and insurance (you would need to check, but I think baby would not be insured) are likely to make travelling a non-starter.

I would raise concerns with midwife, ask to discuss at the hospital/place you plan to deliver.