To not understand why DH is leaving so early for friends wedding reception?

[usernamechangechange]

DH is off to an old friends wedding reception this evening. I was invited, as were our children, but I’m 35 weeks pregnant and our DC’s are only 2.5 and 1.5 so dragging them over to the next town at half 7 at night made little sense, as did me going and sitting there heavily pregnant unable to drink. So, DH is going alone - I’m totally okay with this as wouldn’t want him to miss out just because I’m pregnant - plus it also saves us a bit of money too with me not going.

Anyway, DH doesn’t have to be at the venue until 7:30pm. He’s planning on leaving home today at 1pm. He’ll need to take one train for just under 15 minutes, then a bus for 30 mins to get him to the hotel he’s booked in to. A cab from the hotel to the venue later on tonight will take no more than 15 minutes.
When I asked him why he’s leaving so early, he’s said ‘he wants to chill out before going to the reception’. Fair enough, I get that, it can sometimes take me 2 hours to properly sort myself out for a night out - especially if I’m having a few glasses of wine in between caking my face with make up - but does he really need to get to the hotel 5 HOURS before he even needs to leave for the venue!?

FWIW, tonight will be the fifth night away DH has had so far this year, so it's not as if he never has time away or never has fun, in comparison, I’ve had zero nights away since our first dc was born 2 and a half years ago.... so I guess I’m a bit at why he needs SO much chill out time today, when I’m the hugely pregnant one, stuck in with two DC’s under three every single day 🤷🏻‍♀️

AIBU to think he really doesn’t need to leave so early!? I’m fine with him attending the reception and staying in the hotel overnight, but leaving our house almost 7 hours before the reception starts almost feels like a bit of a pisstake when it’s me who’ll be left with the DC’s all afternoon while he just ‘chills out’ in a hotel before a fun evening out getting pissed, then staying overnight in a nice hotel!

(I’m aware I’m likely coming off as jealous. Truth to be told, I am! I wish I could be the one to sit in a hotel for hours then attend a wedding and get drunk, flop in to a hotel bed afterwards and not have to worry about getting up with the DC’s the following morning!!!!)

Maddy68 the thread's moved on somewhat!

Ah so I see! I didn't refresh my page!

Bloody hell OP wasn't expecting your update. I'd be telling his family myself-he's proved how good he is at lying, he won't tell them the truth.

Bloody hell OP, this sorry turnip is just the gift the keeps on giving isn’t he?

I don’t even think I can offer anything more than has been said on this thread but I wish you strength right now - you can get through this.

You haven’t really said much about your support network but whoever you have please call on them now. You don’t have to give them a blow by blow account if you don’t want to, just say you’ve had to ask him to leave.

Cocaine and a bad hooker habit tend to go hand in hand op.
I'm sorry.
There's no fucking way on hells earth he was going to snort his gear alone in that hotel room.

I'm so sorry, OP

It'd be bad enough doing this with others also doing it (and I say this as someone with a slightly fun misspent youth who put it all behind me when I grew up, married and had kids), but to do it alone in a hotel room, and then go to a wedding - where no-one else was doing it - is so pathetic.

It's all caught up with now though, hasn't it? Wandering the streets alone. Hope it was worth it, for him.

I have to admit - I'm surprised you were able to tell us what a 'great dad' he is, having already found the paraphernalia he quite clearly did take to the stag...

If he felt able to do it at the wedding - in fact, went to great lengths to ensure he was able to do it at the wedding - why on earth wouldn't he have done it at the stag when he was away for three nights?

Cocaine and a bad hooker habit tend to go hand in hand op.

FFS, they do not.

I know this is missing the point, but how the hell do you buy drugs on line?

So sorry @usernamechangechange
Hope you are bearing up well.

@CallMeRachel sounds like you've sniffed a bit too much today, too.

Cocaine and prostitutes don't go hand in hand. At all.

Cocaine and hookers don't always go together.

Cocaine and being a selfish, lying twat do IME.

Just tell his parents fuck him they have to know eventually-at least they cant blame it on you rather than him just leaving and saying it didnt work out

What a twat.
Where is his intelligence?
My neighbour’s teen son was grabbed from his house in a police raid and taken to a cell for questioning because he took in a package for the other next door.

The package was an online drug delivery and police were tracking where it went.

In the end the neighbour went to prison but the poor lad was seriously traumatised.

Your DH took a ridiculous risk.

And he’s still lying. He planned a drug fuelled party with other guests of other friends. He probably wasn’t in the hotel room all afternoon.

No one orders drugs to sit in a hotel room on their own.

The pre-planning, the risk of bringing police to your door, the lying, the not giving a toss about leaving you while he goes out and parties... what a twat.

You sound very clear and strong OP.

So sorry this has landed on you.

You won’t tell his family because you’re going to take him back.

I must admit I'm surprised at the turn of events. I thought it would be an affair or an afternoon of porn. Coke isn't the normal drug for sitting alone in a hotel room for hours. I'm sorry this happened OP, what a twat he is.

It’s hard to buy drugs online unless you are very familiar with the dark web, so he might be doing all sorts on there.

I agree @fedup21
It’s surely about support and appreciation of each other, highs AND lows including tough times. It’s coming across a tad selfish op’s dh relishing in ‘his time’ with little consideration for his wife.
He could still go but a bit later saying ‘I appreciate you’re not up to it love, I’ll leave as late as I can.’

For you op. 💐💐💐 I hope you look after yourself and those babies. Xx

Hope you are ok op, you've obviously got a lot on. I hope you are getting some help from family or friends right now

Hope you’re ok OP.

Is it feasible in any way to start earning your own money after the baby is born because I’m sorry I can’t see this relationship lasting. He sounds like he regrets having the kids and wants to go back to his pre-child days. Having 3 kids in such quick succession would put a strain on anyone but he chose to do it so he’ll need to pay his fair share.

I’ve got a friend with 3 kids (inc twins) and her DH started doing the exact same thing. It’s too late to change your mind even they’re already here.

Also, are you quite young? You mentioned your DH was the only one of his friends to have kids.

I'm mid-late twenties, DH is 10 years older. The people on the stag were all mid 30's.

I told my step sister about everything earlier on the phone. She can't be with me this weekend though as it's her wedding anniversary and birthday celebrations. I don't particularly want to tell my family about it just yet, I need to process it all first. I'm still absolutely livid and seeing red, so I need to reach a point where I'm a bit calmer before I open up.

DH has just told me he's at his sisters. Doubt he's told her the truth about why I've kicked him out.

I couldn't forgive taking drugs when you've got dependents.

Jesus what a week you've had OP.

Look after yourself

Glad you have some family support. I know this will sound ridiculous but you need to minimise your stress. I think deep down you knew something was up so in a way it’s good that it’s out in the open now. You’ve got almost three lovely kids and you should focus solely on them now and try to start to forget about him.

I think his drug issues are bigger than you’re allowing yourself to believe and you can’t be dragged down with him. Just let him live somewhere else and pay maintenance. No causal/occasional recreational drug user buys drugs off the dark web and sits in a hotel room by themselves doing drugs all afternoon.