Doormat or Bastard

[WankmasterBastardDeLaShithead]

I can't decide whether agreeing to this favour would make me a doormat (or if saying no would be bastard-ish). In essence, my 8 yr old DC has a "friend" who lives very nearby. The parents have asked if I can look after their DC for a short while (up to half an hour) and then walk them to school (same school as my DC) a couple of days a week.

The background to this is that our DCs used to be very good friends at school, and for a year or two I would regularly have their kid round to play after school. This was almost never reciprocated, which eventually started to feel really awkward for me (as my DC kept asking, and kept being turned down. I started to suspect that they just didn't like my DC). Circumstances changed last year, and our paths rarely crossed. Our DCs friendship faded significantly.

I chatted with DH about it when the parent messaged me asking for this favour, and he (ruthless bastard that he is) feels that we should just say no on the basis that they've pretty much avoided contact/friendship until they need me.

For one day of the week it's not a problem to me to take their kids round to school, but on the other day we'd have them hanging around for half an hour at an already busy time (I have four DC - mornings can be hectic!).

It feels like saying no would be petty, and if they'd been even slightly reciprocal a few years ago I'd be much more open to the idea. On the other hand, this feels like a fairly major commitment/favour, and I just feel a bit...used?

AIBU in saying "no". What's the Mumsnet judgement on this situation?

They are using you at their convenience. I'd say no.

I would be saying no too. Is there a breakfast club at school?

I would be saying no so fast to that - if I had thirty minutes to spare then I would want time with my DC and not other people's.

Just the polite "Sorry, that doesn't work for us now" would be fine.

No, tell them mornings are hectic so you can't help

he (ruthless bastard that he is) feels that we should just say no on the basis that they've pretty much avoided contact/friendship until they need me.

He is not remotely a ruthless bastard. He has normal boundaries, you don't.

It is not convenient for you. They are not friends. You have 4 kids. Ask yourself why you feel such difficulty saying no to this?

Just say 'I'm afraid that wouldn't work for us' and move on.

Nope you already have 4!!

There's no breakfast club, and I will be almost walking past their door on the way to school. On the other hand I'm not one of those free and easy folk who love having other people/kids round.

These arrangements never end well. When you get fed up or unable to do it they'll slag you off to the whole school. They'll probably do that if you say no too, but you'll not have the arse ache of doing them a favour. They've already shown you they're not the type to reciprocate.

‘No’ is a complete sentence.

Keep it coming folks.... I am very much taking this on board - especially the "normal boundaries" stuff.

I nanny 4 kids. I would absolutely not want another one on the school run. Say no

Stop wanting people to like you.

They are using you - are you frightened of saying no? Do you think they will dislike you as a result?

Okay, so here's another thing - there are basically no other school friends in this area. I guess there's a bit of me that thinks it would be nice for DC to have a buddy nearby.

My other DC are all a bit older (don't want to paint an inaccurate picture of me up to me elbows in nappies, or whatever).

I would say no although if you think you’d feel better about yourself by cooperating, then say one of the days would be ok in the short term whilst they sorted out proper childcare (which they won’t do).

It feels like saying no would be petty

Why would you feel that way?
The other parents have been anything but welcoming to your own DC.

You have no need to label yourself either a doormat or a bastard!
Take strength from your husband & say this doesn't suit your own family's morning routine.
It sounds like the other child isn;t friends with any of yours anyway, so no harm done.

so basically they used you as free childcare before and they expect you to do it again?

No would be my answer. cheeky sods

Ide be wondering how many had been asked before you? It's a no, Ide pretend to not have got message and block.

Don’t do it, they’re using you and taking advantage of you having their dc at your home in the past so assume you will say yes again, you’re not a free childcare provider say no and leave it at that you don’t need to explain or apologise

I guess there's a bit of me that thinks it would be nice for DC to have a buddy nearby.

But this child and family has been nearby all this time and actively gone out of their way to not reciprocate any form of friendship towards your DS except when it is convenient for them.

So you think that unless you roll over, this boy won't play with your son?

I’d say no unless the want to take your 4 to school 2 days a week in return 😁

if they'd been even slightly reciprocal a few years ago I'd be much more open to the idea

On the other hand, this feels like a fairly major commitment/favour, and I just feel a bit...used?

Based on EITHER of these statements, I would be saying 'No, sorry, that doesn't work for us.

You don't need to explain why.

CFs!

Hollowtalk - I'd mulled over that bit of it, and I honestly don't care about them liking me. I do care about not being spiteful/petty (or more positively being the bigger person), and I think it would be nice for my DC to have a friend nearby.

I would say no. Sounds like they're just using you

Just say no. What happens if one day you can’t do it or one of yours are ill.
Not up to you. If you were close friends it would be different, but not for people you hardly speak to.