DH has taken this too far?

[sallycinnamonn]

DH is really money conscious which is absolutely fine except I really feel as though he's started to take it too far and it's becoming so irritating for me.

He literally flys off the handle if I accidentally leave a switch on when nothings plugged into it, he's constantly monitoring and watching me and others when we use electric to ensure we turn plugs off straight away once finished and if we don't will go on a full blown rant about how we need to save money. If we boil the kettle then forget about it so it goes cold and need to boil it again, it will trigger him so badly.. He also will absolutely not allow the tv to just be on in the background. If I'm watching tv and then look at my phone for even a second he's instantly "TURN THE TV OFF IF YOU'RE NOT WATCHING IT". I am watching it but I literally took my attention away from it for one second, I feel like I'm being watched like a hawk! But he will also literally make us sit in silence without the tv on if I look at my phone for too long for his liking.. I don't know I just find this really weird! Especially since we're not even in a bad place financially and he seems so possessive over it.

This is where the AIBU part comes in.. he even gets mad at me for buying "unnecessary things" while shopping. I don't see them as unnecessary tbh. For example, meals for myself during the day (stay at home mum) or I spent £1 on some chocolates the other day while shopping and he got so mad about me buying them because we "didn't need them, a waste of money". He only wants me to buy meals for us which I really don't get because we can afford to buy other things, especially when they're only £1..

But anyway, he is like this 24/7 yet will spend £400+ a month on Uber's to work.. now that we absolutely CANT afford. Neither of us drive but he refused to buy a bus pass because they're "too expensive and he would rather walk". They are £600 a year compared to his 400+ a month on Uber's. AIBU to be so frustrated and find his behaviour difficult to live with?

A powered on socket not in use with no plug is also dangerous with a child in the house.

The socket is not live if it is empty. Three pronged socket covers override the trip switch or blank plugs make the socket live.

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/5039454/Electrical-socket-safety-covers-are-absurd-and-dangerous-say-engineers.html

Like a previous pp, I grew up in a household like this and it was hell. My dsf was also violent when we didn't comply. It has negatively affected my life in a massive way. Please leave.

Wow, you go without £1 chocolate so he gets a chauffeur?

And just imagine this man when your child is a teenager. He will be a mass of screamingconstantly, teenagers are terrible at turning stuff off and leaving bits of food!

Either that or your child will turn into a cowed, terrified person, frightened to turn on a switch or eat anything in case they get shouted at.

He's a controlling knob and you should leave him

OP , I am surprised to read that you are receiving Universal Credit if your DP is in a job that allows him to soebd £400 on Ubers . Are you claiming as a family ?

My ex was like this, I left him. Best thing I ever did. It is indeed not about money, but control.
I still feel twitchy when I remember living like that. It was hell.
He's still the same. Just without me there. Feel bad for DS when he's there but he doesn't seem to get treated the same as I did. It was just all about making me feel like shit.

Raggedy an annual London bus pass is £848 and that will cover all of zones 1-6, so I’ve got no trouble believing it’s £600 where OP lives, presumably covering a smaller geographical area. It’s your area that has crazy expensive buses.

tfl.gov.uk/fares/find-fares/bus-and-tram-fares#on-this-page-6

I could not live like this.

What happens if you refuse to turn the tv off?

Ahh lovely, this is all about control. I remember decades ago with my first husband - all was fine when I was working full-time in my career then when he insisted it best I stay at home with children I had to ask permission to even buy a bunch of grapes in the day whilst out with kids.
When you realise he does not actually care but likes to be bombastic, it will be an epiphany. I really hope you leave, life is too short.

@Oldbutstillgotit yep, I don't get much. First 500 of his take home pay doesn't affect how much i get but after that money is taken off from my entitlement for every £1 he earns.

God that sounds absolutely miserable OP. I try to be frugal and switch off lights when leaving a room and turn the TV if people leave the room but your DH is being ridiculous. I would say he either has severe OCD, is trying to off-set his obscene and very unreasonable Uber use or he is just a massive prick.

I would be considering the future tbh as I couldn't live with the double standards nor the misery.

Jesus fucking christ OP. He's a total cunt, happy to spend what he wants on ubers due to convenience, but wants to control every penny you spend of your own money.

Just tell him to get fucked and see a lawyer.

Yanbu. I wouldn't want to live that way. Have you pointed out the inconsistency with his ubering?

You are with someone worse than Victor Meldrew who is tighter than a duck’s arse.

I go around switching off left on lights but I don’t moan about it but I don’t do any of the other things that your Eberneezer does.

He’s never going to change let’s face it. So the question is do you stay or go?

But if you have made the decision for one of you to be a SAHP then surely your families income should be enough to support all of you.

You shouldn’t be living off the child benefit OP, all of family income (wages, benefits etc) should go in the family pot and then bills/mortgage/savings out then have an agreed amount of food shopping money, family entertainment and then personal spends. (As suggested by other PPs too, it’s a system that works)

This isn’t about saving money, it’s about controlling what you spend your money on and what you do.

What can you do? Leave! This is who he is and I bet it has escalated since you became a mum.

There’s no epiphany to be had, he knows exactly what he’s doing.

Who made him the boss?
He is a bully op, hope you have someone in real life to give you some support.

Why are you with him???? You will be financially better off single. Get yourself out of this controlling abusive relationship and back to uni ffs.

This really isn't going to get better why put yourself and your poor child through it.

He sounds a right bag of laughs!

I think you need to give serious consideration to going it alone.

His behaviour is atrocious, it's controlling to the point of abusive.

Although as point of fact UC is not "your" money as if you're in a couple claim is joint - but then this type of situation is exactly why it SHOULDN'T be - it makes it easier for financial abuse to occur, and harder for claimants to leave abusive relationships.

Look into where you would stand financially if you were to go it alone, pretty sure your life would be much easier if you did.

How old will baby be when you go back to uni? Could you work and earn in the meantime? If you tell us about this aspect of things we can perhaps advise on how to manage things?

he sounds 'nuts' or controlling or both, it doesn't really matter: impossible to live with. I'd be making plans to leave, read the post of the person brought up with this kind of craziness ...

My dad was like this. He has many other problems too, but this kind of control is abuse.

Just wait until you have to start sneaking in clothing purchases for your child. Outgrowing your one pair of shoes or your two pairs of trousers and replacing them with the cheapest available should not be cause for a blowup from dad, but it will be.

Op, do You understand that when one parent earns money, and one looks after the children and house; that the money earnt is joint? It is no longer his as soon as you had a child together. A bit like your child is both of yours, not just yours. He doesn't get to make unilateral decisions on anything.