not to tell strangers where I'm from?

[FishCanFly]

I speak with a pretty unfortunate accent and this always prompts random people to ask where i'm from. Thing is - I don't want to say. I don't mind a friendly conversation, but i don't like giving out personal info to people i don't know. AIBU?

If someone wants to talk about their heritage/where they come from they're more than able to include that in the conversation in some way.

Let's face it ,if it was just interest they wouldn't push the issue with "no,no where are you from REALLY?" or fuck off when the answer isn't as interesting as they thought.

And I'm speaking for myself(but I'm sure others relate), where I'm from is not the only thing interesting , worthy or the only thing I have to say about myself. Especially since some of us have been in the UK for longer than we actually lived wherever they're from.

It's nearly as offensive as asking someone from a different race where they're really from, despite their families having lived here for generations.

If where we're from is so vital so making conversation and getting to know someone then how the hell do brits manage to interact with eachother?

RosaWaiting. No not back-pedalling, I stand by my answer. I was merely explaining the rationale behind it as best I could who ile being mewed at by my cat demanding Dreamies as any time is Dreamies time apparently, even straight after dinner.....!

I expect the ratio of people asking Eastern Europeans for negative reasons is much higher than it was for people asking me. Aside from mocking my accent, I got a lot of leeway.

If where we're from is so vital so making conversation and getting to know someone then how the hell do brits manage to interact with eachother?

Weather talk😁

Fridge I'm great at weather talk. I fail at tea drinking. Swings and roundabouts.

Where are you from btw?

Trouble is, OP is not the ambassador for non nationals in the uk and there may be many people who like to be asked!
Exactly, excellent example! Look closer at your statement - absolutely at no point the OP stated that she is a "non national". For all we know, she might have been a British national for the last 20 years.
But you made an assumption just on the basis of her speaking with an accent. An innocent assumption.
Other people make LESS innocent assumptions on the same basis. Of you being a benefit scrounger, illegal, not paying taxes, non-skilled, sexually available (normally by British guys still cherishing that last year's stag do in Eastern Europe in their memory), etc.

Shroedinger(sp?!?) 's immigrant: stealing all the jobs while at the same time relying solely on benefits.

@YourSarcasmIsDripping
Central Europe.

I too ma good in weather talk and I also excel in certain other quite British things now. I adore proper queuing and now I tut at people in my original country, who are like her of animals when bus comes🙄

I do like Britain, honestly. More polite and more organised than ours. Racists are in every country🤷

Sarcasm I can teach you to love tea, everyone should love tea but I'm particularly partial to a proper cup of chai not made with these fake teabags sold in supermarkets

Funnily enough where I grew up we used to get tea with milk in pre school🤔 No one over the age of 5 is drinking it though😂

Ice tea or if really desperate when ill, with lemon and honey. That's it. OH doesn't drink it under any circumstances so it's his fault really.

I only said non nstional because she wont reveal where she is from.

It’s just a way people want to connect, OP, and I don’t understand why this bothers or annoys you. Most people have no ill intent.

My husband is Russian via Ukraine and has a non Russian sounding accent. People assume he’s French, although I can tell his accent is Slavic. They only figure out where he’s from, from in his words, his “Kremlin approved” (I.e. very Russian) surname.

Even the jokes are just a way to break the ice, although you’ve probably heard them hundreds of times by now.

@silvercuckoo so you are wrong assuming it is an ecample of anything. I hesitated over non national because i dont like to be defined by what im not, ie, a non catholic, but when people wont provide the information wrt what they are then they invite the likelihood of being defined by what they are not.

But honestly. Im not here for a pointless row.

Some people HATE being asked where they are from. I get it. And more importantly to some on this thread now, id be far too scared to ask somebody where they were from. Which is actually counterintuitive in my own cultural norms!

But hey, good luck to all.

Oh dont worry!! I wouldnt dare asksomebody where they're from. Heaven forbid. Trouble is, OP is not the ambassador for non nationals in the uk and there may be many people who like to be asked!
Nope. Plenty of non nationals have said that we do not like being asked.

Who likes that? Complete strangers asking something personal like that, many of them so they can figure out if you are the "right kind of foreigner"?

I never minded it! Conversation starter.
But I get it. I get it.

No need to try and shame me or anybody else for having curiosity about people.

I'm on fence.
I'm often asked by strangers about my origins (another 'unfortunate' accent).
Doesn't feel like personal info to give.
My nationality is regularly mocked on British radio or TV and in books. Despaired of by MNers. Has been for decades.
True to my nationality, I'm probably oblivious to tone.
So not seeing what is the BFD.

@31RueCambon
But even if she had said where she's originally from, it still does not change the fact that she can be a British national now.
I am not saying this to pick up a fight over a non-issue, just showing how easy is it to make an assumption.

Plus "where are you from?"
I honestly do not consider that a personal question!!

🙈

I completely get you Op...
I actually ask the question a lot if there is a hint of eastern european in someones accent, because I speak Polish through my mum and love to try and use it but not much opportunity in my day to day life.
I've noticed a lot more reluctance in the last few years, but I usually explain that it would be nice to continue talking in polish so I can practise and people realise I am being friendly rather than 'othering'.

Well this thread has been an education. I understand now why the Romanian lady at the station snapped at me the way she did. In future I’ll be sticking to the weather.

Dh is forrin by the way, and has never expressed any irritation at being asked where he’s from. But I do get that people feel differently.

Nice cat, Sarcasm.

The indignation makes less sense the more you offer it up for @silvercuckoo. Is it inherently better to be British then? Is that the assumption? Is that the elephant in the thread? Because that's what it sounds like now. Is non national an insult? I dont consider it to be an insult. However I would prefer to define somebody by what they are not what they are not.

Ok then but what is wrong with being a non- national? If she is British, bully for her.

Just get used to it, your in a foreign country so it’s bound to happen, I am Scottish and lived in London for many years, I was always asked where I was from, most thought Ireland for some reason. Don’t get a chip on your shoulder about it.

Venus there's also quite a bit of history between Romania and Russia, which is quite nasty. Rightly or wrongly, some people still have issues because of it.

Plus "where are you from?I "honestly do not consider that a personal question!!
Ok. I am going to take a wild guess here and assume you were born in the UK.
You live here, you fit here, nobody has ever remotely questioned your right to be here.

Right. Maybe I am wrong, am I?
Let me, for a minute, work on my assumption.

Then you have me, or millions of people like me.

I am actually British now. After Brexit I took that step to protect my future. Silly me, I thought now I would be like the rest.
Nope.
Because of the accent.

You say "where are you from?" is not a personal question. I say let's talk context.

So I meet another mum at playgroup, we get chatting, how old is your LO? Do you have more? Oh look! He likes tractors too! Ahhhh! Oh yes the tantrums, do you come often? I have lived here for a few years now, I had no idea there was a playground there! Oh! Where am I from? Well I was born in [introduce country]

Does this bother me???? NO!
We are chatting, we are taking an interests on each other's lives, maybe trying to figure out if we could get along or just enjoying meeting another mum and as you keep chatting you end up finding out I am married and I am from X and I have 3 children and I love Black Mirror.

HOWEVER.

I am at work. I greet you and ask you if you would like me to tell you the highlights of today. Your first words are "where are you from?"
Now I am bothered.

Or, I am talking to my son in the toy shop and I go to pay and you say "where are you from?"

Or, I am at the GP sitting down and you come in, elderly, and I offer you a chair, and you look at me and say "oh, you are not from here"

Or. I am at work again and you come to ask me something and then you say "are you a student? A volunteer?" Because I have an accent.

Or I simply want to blend in at the dentist waiting room and you ask me a question or hear my accent and then it all starts again.

Is it so difficult for people to understand that I am not my accent, or the country I was born in, and that I do not want to tell you so you can view me through the glasses of misconception you might have from that country or people non born British?
Or that simply, I don't want to talk about why I fled my country? Or why I am here or where I was born?