not to tell strangers where I'm from?

[FishCanFly]

I speak with a pretty unfortunate accent and this always prompts random people to ask where i'm from. Thing is - I don't want to say. I don't mind a friendly conversation, but i don't like giving out personal info to people i don't know. AIBU?

I ALSO get that people feel differently from how I feel.

And I have ALSO said I will not ask anybody with an accent I cannot place where they're from.

But what makes me bristle here is to be told that my norms are wrong/ rude. Im here reading, taking it on board, modifying my curiosity, and still being shamed and reprimanded.

Enough! Some people cant ask a simple question. Fine! But dont shame and reprimand others for not being able to read your mind.

Oh and let me ask this. Lots of people saying things like this
Well this thread has been an education. I understand now why the Romanian lady at the station snapped at me the way she did. In future I’ll be sticking to the weather.

So what on earth are you people talking about to people with an accent similar to yours???? The siding weather?
Because it seems clear that lots of posters think that if they can't ask someone with an accent where they come from then they can only talk about the weather.
So, enlighten me. What do you ask other people and why should we be treated differently?

I think it's human nature and people do this the world over.

Er, well I do talk about the weather a lot with strangers. 🤷‍♀️

My accent doesn’t match where I come from. It’s a real pain to be asked “where are you from/what’s your accent”

@31RueCambon
I think you are misunderstanding something. I said that in your case it was an innocent assumption, unlikely to upset anyone irl, but still "othering" the accent owner.
In other cases, the "othering" is not so benign, and many of us, folks with heavy accents, are quite careful about it. Even if every hundredth interaction with a stranger about your accent ends with "why don't you fuck off back home", and the remaining 99 are perfectly pleasant cultural exchanges, it still adds up very quickly over time.
The Romanian stationmaster lady, mentioned upthread, probably is told to fuck off home on a daily basis, hence the guarded attitude.

YANBU to not want to give out personal information.

I do my utmost when abroad not to admit to being English, as I am ashamed of a country that has Mr Johnson as Prime Minister and voted for the economic self-harm that is Brexit.

Sorry, I meant curiosity is human nature, not abuse.

Stereotyping, and racism/ xenophobia/ unconscious bias are the negative side of curiosity.

Being interested in others, being friendly, and trying to find common ground are the positive side.

What country your are from is hardly top secret information which would compromise your identity 😂

You are *

At work I meet lots of colleagues & patients who are immigrants. I usually ask 'where's your accent from' but only if I'm actually getting on well with them & if I get the impression that they won't be offended!

I ask them because I find it really interesting to find out about all the different places people come from.
I'll probably never get to travel to all those places myself so it's nice to meet people here from those places & to hear their stories.

Especially of interest to me are the very elderly people who arrived during / ww2 such as Holocaust survivors & other refugees from that time. I would never actually ask them about their experiences but I find that they tend to like to discuss them anyway.

At present I have a new neighbour who I think may be Russian. He doesn't sound Polish.
He is currently known as 'car man' because he has severe OCD about his car. Checking it's locked many times, checking it's clean over & over, it's awful. He seems nice though.
I'm just being nosy by wanting to know where he's originally from. At least I admit it!!

But unlike with Brexiter types it's not being malicious, just interested in the world around me.

So what are everyone supposed to do in future in an increasingly global and isolated , lonely world? Just sit there and say nothing? As someone who is asked this on a nearly daily basis for most of my life ,I prefer the friendly curiosity of MOST people.I have often heard the derogatory comments but know that MOST people are genuinely interested in those of us that have gone further afield than the place we were born in.

and trying to find common ground

It's been said a few times on here and I've heard it before too.

How is it finding common ground to ask someone where they are from? Especially when they say let's say Bexley , and you're in Bexley as well but the common ground must be "Romania/Poland/Bulgaria/whatever " really?

How can a British person find common ground with me by mapping me to a different country?

You don't find common ground by starting with an "othering question. Most people don't even bother with a hello or whatever, they interrupt conversation with others or the activity I'm doing.

Example: shopping with DD yesterday and we were looking through racks of clothes trying to find something in her size.
Lady shouts from the next rack: oh I love your accent! (How lovely right?)

Me: excuse me?

Her: I love your accent,where are you from?

Me: ermm thanks.

Her: No,really WHERE are you from?

Me: EE country

Her:oh, I thought you sounded South African.

Fucks off.

Brilliant common ground! Made a friend from life!!

So what on earth are you people talking about to people with an accent similar to yours???? The siding weather?

Ok, a bit of cultural difference here - where I come from, we don't "small talk" strangers unless we have to, or we want to get acquainted. I would NEVER ask such a question of a customer I'm serving, equally wouldn't ask a staff member in a shop. We don't have to talk about weather or anything really. Also if I encounter someone from the same place as myself - not necessarily I want to interact with them.

I’ve only been asked a few times. They all have been super nice about it, tho. There are probably so many EE here that no one cares anymore.

Oh I don't know.. people have asked me where my heritage lies all my life. It doesn't bother me. Common ground can be music, history or food that then leads into other topics. Part of integrating into another country is communicating with others.

I am pretty sure my government owes me thousands for advertising to potential tourists😂

@Charley50 food is one of the best imho.

@FishCanFly wow that sounds very different from what im used to.

Ok, a bit of cultural difference here - where I come from, we don't "small talk" strangers unless we have to, or we want to get acquainted.

I’m from Yorkshire, where everyone to chats to everyone. Especially about the weather.

I find these cultural differences fascinating.

It’s just small talk and anyway, shouldn’t you be proud of where you are from? Why the secrecy?! Maybe you are prejudiced assuming those you talk to would automatically make assumptions based on your origin/heritage. People in the UK are more open minded than you think and less judgmental than you might think. Be proud of your accent and your country!

@FishCanfly Don't ever move to Ireland.

I agree!!

@Branster have you RTFT?

I’m from Yorkshire, where everyone to chats to everyone. Especially about the weather.

I recently visited the country side and was wowed by friendliness of the people. And I live in pretty friendly area!