not to tell strangers where I'm from?

[FishCanFly]

I speak with a pretty unfortunate accent and this always prompts random people to ask where i'm from. Thing is - I don't want to say. I don't mind a friendly conversation, but i don't like giving out personal info to people i don't know. AIBU?

@MaggieFS that's why it's so annoying and some of us are so fed up, we get questioned by complete strangers in shops,on the street, at bus stops etc.

@guest2013, I think you might need to read my post again. They don't have to apologise, obviously, but I'm guessing that they have met with ignorance about people from Romania probably after seeing a show Channel 5.

I'm Swedish. I don't think jokes about me sounding like the Swedish chef from the muppet show are funny.
It's not funny when people copy my accent, want to talk about Abba, IKEA or Volvo.
No, I don't sleep around.
No, we don't wear swimwear in the sauna in Sweden but this isn't because we want to have sex, it's because the whole point of a sauna is to get clean. You don't wash with swimwear on. And, anyway, saunas are Finnish, not Swedish.

No,there is no porn on state TV channels.

Not everything I do, say, eat or wear is because I am Swedish.

There is no point in asking me where in Sweden I am from when you don't know any Swedish towns....

@MaggieFS I've literally been stopped in the street many times. And had the "where are you from?" question. My parents are from 2 different countries, I've lived in 5 countries and 3 cities in the UK so the question is hard to answer -lol but the answer that 99.9% people want is where my non-English mother is from which is tiresome and annoying.

The people who say it's just small talk really don't get it. If the answer isn't interesting to you why not stick to other classic small talk that you'd make with other English people like the weather or something you saw on tv recently.

Being American in the UK or a Brit in Germany or France is very different to being Romanian/Russian/Indian/(insert poor country here) in a Western country. There's a lot of racist and xenophobic undertone to some of these conversations (not all, not even the majority) that one has to deal with. Please understand that.

As a Scot with a slightly unusual accent living outside Scotland I am so over people discussing my accent either with me or just around me like I wasn't there.
English DH used to think I was making a fuss over nothing. But since living in the USA he has realized just how annoying everyone talking about your accent and sometimes making jokes about it actually is.

Op it's fine not to say or to have a bullshit answer ready.

When I mention where my mum is from, people want to discuss World War II so I have a bullshit answer ready too.

'I guess lots of people haven't faced a bigot asking them 'Where did you come from' with no hint of friendliness and the unspoken implication of 'and why are you here?''

Yes, this. And tbh even genuinely friendly/positive interest starts to grate after a while, especially when people make it into the main thing about you. I am an expat/a (naturalised) immigrant to where I live and I don't want to constantly be 'the English one'. Particularly tedious when I am speaking to my children in public (in English, always; they are bilingual and we use OPOL, and as the minority language they need all the English they can get) and someone decides uninvited to butt in and practise/show off their English. I've started cutting people off politely but firmly in the local language (which I speak at near-native level) when they do that.

And more enthusiastic agreement to this from RosaWaiting: 'If the person answers “I’m from France” it’s still not their job to talk to you about it or anything else.' I'm not a walking cultural embassy or a teaching opportunity.

People are probably trying to start a conversation and are genuinely interested. If you don’t want to discuss it, which is your right, why not shut the conversation down quickly, just say what you told us and distance yourself from your birth country if you want to disassociate yourself from it for whatever reason during your conversation - “I’m originally from Eastern Europe but now consider myself to be (English/British/whatever town youre in now to get right off the subject), followed quickly by “Are you from these parts yourself?” Which means you have changed the subject and it’s his/her turn to speak. If they go back to the subject change it again “Enough about my history, it’s rather boring, I’m glad to be in (Wherever) now, it’s so nice here, the people are so friendly” etc, all done with smiles.

As a Brit with a ‘standard’ accent I have never been asked where I’m from. Literally no one has ever asked me that as a way of making polite conversation.

I can imagine that when it’s asked to someone with an Eastern European accent regularly, there is an implied ‘you are not one of us’, it must be, at best, thoughtless and wearing. At worst it’s prejudiced, and dare I say it, racist.

Someone on MN said that she asks because she hopes there’s an “interesting story” for her, I guess like Maggie is saying, but she made it worse by saying that she’s disappointed if someone just says “I’m a Londoner” because, I guess, bang goes the story she wanted to hear.

If I could spot that kind of person, I could bore them to death with an onslaught of London history and trivia . But I’m always on the alert for the likely racism and that tends to fill my brain.

@Allli how about people just stop asking? Or at least the ones reading threads like these and start thinking twice rather than insisting it's just conversation,it's being friendly,it's showing an interest etc.

Alli why should anyone have to go through all that shite?! And smile?!

@RosaWaiting I told once to someone that I moved here because my mum wouldn't let me have a cat, but my (English)OH did. I was only half joking.

PS Alli, why are you named for a weight loss pill? Have you tried it? What are your experiences of trying weight loss without pills? Yes, I do know I’ve spelt your name wrong but it’s forrin so I cba doing it properly.

I await your thorough and good humoured explanation.

'An implied "you are not one of us"' is spot on - that is exactly what it is. And the 'just being friendly/showing an interest' argument almost demands a degree of gratitude - 'we' are interested in 'not-one-of-us you'. Honestly, I just want to be me, and not spend my ordinary day-to-day life in my community feeling like a tourist attraction at best and an unwanted interloper at worst.

Sarcasm always smile when I see your username! Glad you have a cat! One day I’ll get one. Or two. Or three.....

I'm not a walking cultural embassy or a teaching opportunity.

I actually enjoy being that. My opinion is that hate and racism come from fear of unknown. If you don't know something you fear it.
So me being fine with answering some questions may somewhat help. If I meet 1 person who doesn't know anything about my country except what he saw on TV (never good🙄) and read in the S*n and I tell them about it, I might take one more person off the future Tommy Shitbinson's fan list🤷
Maybe it's naive.
But as Faithless said
"Fear is a weapon of mass destruction"

My mum is always offending younger women asking them this but in Ireland there is literally nothing ruder than not caring!
It is a polar extreme of culture norms.

Ally You really don't get it. This thread is full of people explaining why they don't want where they are from to be small talk for other people. The normal person's reaction to finding out that they are unwittingly pissing someone off is to say that they are sorry, didn't realise and will do it less/not at all.

Why should they humour people like that with a smile?

If you add all of the non-white Brits and foreign nationals in the UK it'll total a massive number who are regularly discriminated like this. Would you ask someone their sexual orientation or approach a trans person and ask about their transition and genitalia?

Rosa it's hard work owning a cat, I had to move countries to get one. It's worth it though, just get that first one.

He's from England before anyone asks.

The sexual orientation argument doesn't hold as you can't tell by looking but replace that with person with a physical disability and the argument is the same.

I had my neighbour come he ask me "I've been debating with my husband that went you are form. My guess is norway, he says ireland". Nice to know I've been spoke about. Answer is neither. I don't mind it as such, but it's just weird.

I’m told I sound Northern Irish. Only Irish people ever ask where I’m from.

I’ve a horrible suspicion I scare some people by speaking.