not to tell strangers where I'm from?

[FishCanFly]

I speak with a pretty unfortunate accent and this always prompts random people to ask where i'm from. Thing is - I don't want to say. I don't mind a friendly conversation, but i don't like giving out personal info to people i don't know. AIBU?

Also, I'm rather less keen to have this chat since I've had a kid- it's bad enough for me to experience the distinct frostiness after saying where I'm from, I want to protect him from it and honestly, he has picked up on it and refused to even contemplate learning my native language as we are definitely treated differently. He's 4 .

He's starting school and I'm terrified he'll be treated differently because of me.

At least DD is well protected. I made some hard decisions,not just for this reason , but she has a British name (first,middle and last), speaks only English and has no accent. She's British and she's home.

Surely the same principle can be applied here?

Apparently it doesn't because people's right to know and to have chit chat is more important. That's what it comes down to.

I agree @wheresmymojo
This threads shows a lack of understanding of a British culure. Im Irish but there are circumstances that lead to questions. I just answer them. Ice broken.

Also, I'm rather less keen to have this chat since I've had a kid
Yes, very similar feelings here. The queue scenario mentioned by a PP upthread is also familiar - one person in the queue starts chatting to you in a friendly way after overhearing you speaking to your children, then someone turns around and exclaims: "so why don't you look for a job!" or "aren't you lucky we are paying for your children then!" or some other crazy stuff like that. Then the queue looks at you in anticipation of a response, and you cannot think of anything to say. Then your child starts asking questions, and you wish the earth would open and swallow you right now. The person chatting to you in the first place suddenly loses any interest in the cultural exchange and becomes really interested in the contents of their trolley instead.

Branster

It’s a shame though that it can make some people feel like they are being pointed at.

Why is how other people feel and see the world "a shame" what is it to do with you? Perhaps it's a shame that you are unable to empathise with another person's discomfort, quite crude of you actually.

He finds that behaviour most bizzare but he’s ok when some of the locals actually ask where he’s from and he understands the staring

Yes, must cut those foreign natives locals some slack eh? They simply can't help staring and behaving in ways you don't find civilised, it's the way they are, right?

Your language drips with colonialism, perceived yet misplaced English superiority and, most importantly, cultural ignorance. It's so crass the irony

YourSarcasmIsDripping same here with the name, though his middle name is the same in both languages, albeit pronounced differently.

DS has a mild American accent from cartoons though .

Some of you aren't listening.

Interrupting someone when they are talking to someone else would be considered rude.

Interrupting someone when they are doing something else would be considered rude.

Fucking off after your question is answered during "chit chat" would be considered rude.

We have explained over and over that we don't mind in normal social interactions , with colleagues, with friends of friends, even people we see in passing etc. Hell we even put up with the "funny jokes" sometimes.
But don't come to me when I'm already talking with someone else ,especially my daughter , interrupt me mid sentence and demand to know where I'm from without even a hello.

But what do I know? I obviously lack British etiquette and I'm too sensitive and not using my brain and smiling enough.(all comments from this thread)

Have read the whole post but are you from Kazakhstan and people make jokes about Borat?

I now only ask people if they had a long commute or live locally to avoid the impression that I'm thinking anything about their origins. I'd like to know and share my own but not everyone feels that way.

I don't believe people should be so sensitive and quick to assume bad intentions of people who are just making friendly chit chat personally.

Trust me, most people are not making friendly chit chat or really wanting to know about where I'm from. In my case I'd say that was 20% tops of the time.
My son gets comments about Nazis if he mentions that he was born in Germany. I get comments about World War II or if I know the one person that they know from that country. All people from that country must know each other you see. 🙄
Other people just want to know where you're from then end the conversation because they are curious if they are right. We are not some sort of human bingo.
You can't discount the feelings of people who feel like they are othered just on your say so ffs.

@MoreFrog I'm from Leeds too. I have an opportunity to live down south but I don't think I can do it because I too love Yorkshire and I feel like I stand out like a sore thumb down there.

I'm not usually one to defend things that make people feel awkward/offended but in this case I think it would be a real loss to the friendly culture of the UK to feel that being genuinely interested in other human beings and their backgrounds is wrong.
If a person tells you they're from Nice Park (that's where they live), would you continue pestering them about which hospital they were born in? And WHY do you need to know that?

OP, there seem to be two kinds of people in the world: people who get why this drives us crazy and people who don't.

I look English, I have a tiny unfortunate accent, have been in this country 25 years and people still fucking do it. And when I tell them they ask how often I go home.

There seems to be this inability to deal with/need to explain 'difference' and no empathy as to how alienating it is.

Interesting topic.

I get where the OP is coming from (pun sort of intended).
Getting asked where you're from constantly by literally everyone you meet is tiring. And it's often followed by a comment on your English speaking skills. And some cliché about your home country.

Now, I'm French, and trust me, I always get the GCSE exam speech after a few minutes: "Je m'appelle John Smith, j'ai 14 ans, je habite l'Angleterre...". Cool story, bro.
(By the way, it's "J'habite en Angleterre" ;) )

Even at social events, with friends (like dinner parties etc.), these conversations are tiring, because they're always the same and never go further than :
"Where are you from ? Where exactly ? I've never been there, but I've been to Paris. It's great / It's shit. Why did you move here? What do you do now? [GCSE Exam speech] OK, I need to talk to other people now."

These kind of "conversations" make you feel like the only interesting thing about yourself is your home country. Once that question is answered, there's nothing left.

Now, I'm not against chatting about my culture and stuff, I actually quite like it. But then, be ready to sit with me and have a proper chat with me. Don't ditch me as soon as your questions have been answered.

(I'm using a general "you", not directed at anyone in particular.)

I’m mixed race born in England so I am immediately different and get the where are you really from. Funnily enough I have a very clear sort of RP English accent so no giveaway vocally. I just say where my Dad was originally from and honestly it doesn’t bother me. I found the racists I have met in my life just see the difference and that is enough for them they don’t want or need fine clarification.

I agree it’s very wrong to harangue Germans but thinking of my mother whose Father died in World War II and how it’s not that long ago it’s going to take a while,
My friend was of Indian and German heritage, very beautiful looking girl. People absolutely harassed her at school due to German heritage only.

When I first came to the UK my accent was stronger (not an unfortunate one though?) and people often asked if I was from X country...they are just finding a starting point to make conversation - showing an interest. They would most often get the accent wrong but I knew there was no ill intent - after years in the UK I now get people from my own home country's accents wrong too sometimes!
Now my accent has soften very rarely does anyone ask me about where I am from anymore. I really think the majority of people are trying to be nice and I would take it as an opportunity to proudly say where you are from not try and deflect it.

CheshireCat "he has picked up on it and refused to even contemplate learning my native language as we are definitely treated differently."

I wouldn't say that's necessarily linked though. my older sister didn't want to learn my parents' other language (they were raised bilingual) because she was a child and just wanted to play! and then I wouldn't learn either because I thought it was extremely dull - I'm still not a language person. I was also completely overwhelmed because I had health problems as a child, so the idea of extra lessons in anything was awful.

but he can learn later, that's not a problem. I know a few people who have decided to learn languages as teens and adults and it's probably been better as it was a positive choice.

This is another reason I don't answer questions about ancestry - there's inevitably a barrage of criticism about the fact that I'm not linked to it. Why I'm not allowed to just crack on with being a Londoner, I really don't know!!

speaking of which, people talking about how friendliness will vanish if people can't ask questions - I find London a very friendly place without anyone asking these sorts of questions. One reason hackles rise at the question is that's usually an indicator of something very unfriendly coming.

I ask about people’s accents as I love to travel and genuinely love to meet people from other parts of the world. It’s a great way to make conversation and also to get travel tips and recommendations. In my experience everyone I have asked seems only too happy to tell me about where they come from and appear to be pleased that I am interested!

I wouldn't say that's necessarily linked though. my older sister didn't want to learn my parents' other language (they were raised bilingual) because she was a child and just wanted to play!
My child is bilingual and he has learnt both language from birth, whilst playing. Do you mean they were trying to teach her by doing lessons? Most people do the OPOL method so both languages are naturally learnt.

My child is picking up that strangers single me out to ask where I am from and never ask daddy, therefore he sees me being treated differently which I would like to avoid

It’s a great way to make conversation and also to get travel tips and recommendations. In my experience everyone I have asked seems only too happy to tell me about where they come from and appear to be pleased that I am interested!

I am always polite when asked but I am also incredibly uncomfortable and sad when I get home. Too much of a pushover to tell you.

And no, when I am going about my business I don't want to be someone's travel guide, plus nobody would ever travel to my town

clotted yes, they wanted us to have actual lessons. I do remember my sister going for a couple and just being bored and miserable and wondering why she had to be ferried off somewhere on a Saturday for something so dull.

clotted yes, they wanted us to have actual lessons. I do remember my sister going for a couple and just being bored and miserable and wondering why she had to be ferried off somewhere on a Saturday for something so dull.
Oh I see!!
I was signed up for French and English when I was way too young and wanted to play too!
I understand now

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I agree, it shows a lack of the understanding of British culture

It’s quite ironic really.

People complaining about not wanting to ‘stand out’ whilst complaining about British Culture

wheresmymojo exactly 🌷

And Brexit for MANY of us is about getting away from being governed by knobs we didn’t elect and being governed by our British Government (it might be a shit show right now, but at least it’s our own shit show) Obviously that’s a WHOLE other topic, but it keeps being brought up here

As I said earlier- despite being born here, I have a strong ‘forrin’ accent after living overseas so it’s not like I don’t get 1001 questions myself!!

Like other posters have said ‘we are all just nosy!! & want to ‘place’ peoplebevayse it’s interesting, it’s British nature! & not a ‘value’ judgement.

It is not British nature to be nosy. Quite the opposite I'd say.

I actually think one reason this type of thing got worse is that somehow - in the Blair era? - people started obsessing about background and heritage and began to think it was polite to ask about it and got bonus PC points for being horrified if a person hadn't seen the home of their ancestors. Probably also something to with people starting to travel everywhere? Just a thought.