not to tell strangers where I'm from?

[FishCanFly]

I speak with a pretty unfortunate accent and this always prompts random people to ask where i'm from. Thing is - I don't want to say. I don't mind a friendly conversation, but i don't like giving out personal info to people i don't know. AIBU?

1 . Chill out, people actually don’t care about where you are from. An EE accent is not unusual in the UK, they are congratulating themselves on guessing where are from.

1. People are being friendly and making conversation. It’s hardly rude.

It is therefore quite upsetting, if nothing else, when "just curious" citizens of my country feel the inclination to remind me that I am actually a foreigner in their eyes (or ears)

That's awful that people have upset you so much

Can I ask why people recognising you have non-UK origins is a bad thing in general? Is it due to racism/xenophobia (which must be bloody awful to experience), or is it that you don't want to be seen as different to someone who was born here?

Reason I ask is my step Mum is from the US. She has dual citizenship. Due to her accent she is always asked where she is from. But she is happy with her heritage as a US citizen and happy that she is now a UK citizen. They are BOTH who she is. She doesn't have the same cultural experiences as my parent who was born and brought up here. But that doesn't mean that those differences are a bad thing. She has the richness of both. To pretend she didn't would be disingenuous.

If you are treated as "less than" due to being originally from somewhere else, that is appalling.

Chill out

Make me .

Being from the US doesn't attract nearly as bad comments as some other countries. There is a definite hierarchy with rich white countries at one end and Middle Eastern countries at the other.

DS gets this because he looks “forrin”.

He is mixed race and they ask “where are you from” he says “here ” they “no originally” he repeats “here ” I have told him to ask them “are you asking why I am brown?”

Well, I was not born here and have been asked millions of times where I’m from and I have to say I have never, ever encountered any outright meanness or any under current regarding my origin. No prejudices, no insinuations, no generalisations. Everybody I interacted with has been very welcoming and the majority of people have surprised me by actually taking the conversation further and highlighting lots of positives about my country of origin and the people of that country, sometimes niche information. People I have interacted with across the UK are far from ignorant, are very welcoming, very polite and certainly make up their own mind about any topic. And let me tell you, there are a number of well known negative issues from my native country but individuals within the UK have always treated me with utmost decency and had lots of good things to say about my country of origin.

Where I live, it’s like United Nations (transient and well established residents), the road I live on, at school gates, in the parks etc , even dog pets come from places anywhere between South America and Turkey via Italy. Everybody asks everybody (eventually) about where they are from regardless of their own origin. It’s chit chat which sometimes turns into a very interesting and fascinating long conversation. The other day I met a young Hungarian lady complete with imported dog, it was really nice chatting to her and learning about her country and culture. And I like telling people about my birth place. Some people are of mixed origin and have lived in lots of countries, I could talk to them all day long about their experiences and family heritage. And I’m not unique in any way, there’s nothing special about me, as ordinary as they come. Other people feel the same as me.

I get asked where I’m from when I go to other countries so it’s the way people try to make a connection in some cultures, I don’t see it as an intrusive question.

So my comment is based on long term personal experience.

However, I appreciate that other people feel differently because they feel this to be too personal a request of information because that’s how they feel. I’m sure I have other things I’d find to be intrusive or rude but others are OK with them.

Can I ask why people recognising you have non-UK origins is a bad thing in general? She has a UK passport and the UK feels like home to her. Being told that she's not a Brit is obviously going to grate. Will she ever be considered a Brit by these people just because she's not born in the UK and has a UK accent?

We are told that we live in a multi-cultural Britain which surely means that you can be British and not be white /have an accent?

Actually being from the US can get quite a lot of animosity, in the UK and worldwide, to the extent that some people from the USA pretend they're Canadian.

joannacuppa I agree with much of what you say. I am a Londoner born and bred and I speak to strangers all the time - at the checkout, at the bus stop, when I go swimming etc. That is my culture, despite what people say about Londoners, we are friendly, helpful and talkative. Should I change to be accommodating?

I take it you are not living in a multicultural area? People dont really care so much .
Where I am, people will ask out of interest, no bad intent. Those that have ulterior motives, wont ask, they will assume and then cause trouble.
I ask sometimes and dont find people mind?
I am half- Lithuanian, I can speak fluently, but grammar probably not so good.
My sons girlfriend is Czech, my best friends are polish and Hungarian.
I find there is more dislike amongst some eastern Europeans, than from English people.

Pipachu - I'm white, I'm British, I was born here, I have a London accent, but I still get asked where I'm from because I look Mediterranean. And it's not just white British people that ask me; it's all colours, cultures and heritages. People are nosey / curious, people like to 'place' people. Not everyone is a racist cunt.

That's so sad. I always ask out of interest because my sister in law in from the Ukraine. I am incredibly proud of her, as she speaks three languages fluently and would always enjoy disxussing that and how well most Eastern Europeans speak English. I am always very impressed.

This ability to speak English well is why we have so many here helping us fill the NHS gaps, which is fabulous!

God help us when Brexit happens, at least we will have the Filipinos!

Charley50 you hit the nail on the head!

Joanna it looks like you don't get it and I am not surprised. Many people on this thread don't. I am not made to feel like a lesser person. In fact, people unfailingly say how lovely my birth country is and that a visit there is on their to-do list.

But probing about my origin does make me - and many others, if this thread is anything to go by - feel like "you are not one of us, we notice it and we'll have you know it. Maybe you are perfectly nice but you are different". They would not be asking another English person "where you are from? I mean originally?" They would hear another local accent and just assume some region in the UK. No persistent questioning "just to be friendly".

This is my home. I don't want people to point out to me that I am a foreigner in my home and that my foreign-ness begs questions as soon as I open my mouth.

Those that have ulterior motives, wont ask, they will assume and then cause trouble.
That's my experience too.

I understand that others have bad ones and why they are apprehensive. However, again I will mention
"Hate comes from fear of unknown"
If they know other countries and that not all foreigners are horrible as some media would let people believe, they are much more likely to be friendly and open, rather than shut and fight for Shitbinson's release etc.

I know it sucks for some, but if we, immigrants, explain about our culture and food and habits when asked, not only we can help people over that "I don't know it so it's probs bad" but we also can make that person interested in these things.
And that's a good thing imho. That's how we beat racism caused by not knowing.
For me it's worth it🤷 But I get why it isn't easy for someone with too many bad experiences.

I mean you can lie if you want I guess 🤷‍♀️ I don’t really see the point

Btw now I am not talking just about Britain. Country of my birth is fucking racist ultimate. Especially lately

Tbh I get a hint of "performing monkeys" from some posts too. But that might just be me.

We are told that we live in a multi-cultural Britain which surely means that you can be British and not be white /have an accent?

Obviously that is the case. But if someone DOES have a non-UK accent, then of course people will maybe assume that a person was born and/or raised elsewhere. That's just reality. But that doesn't make the person LESS of a citizen does it?

I suppose I was wondering why it is seen as a bad thing, to have the fact that someone originally came from somewhere else acknowledged? It doesn't make someone "less British" now. My step Mum may wish that she didn't have any tell tale signs that she is from elsewhere originally, but that isn't reality. She does. Someone noticing that isn't a bad thing. It just means they have eyes and ears.

Not being "from" somewhere surely doesn't mean that a person doesn't then belong there. Or they are "less" than a person born there. On the contrary, they have actively chosen to be citizens of the UK. Which is brilliant.

So many people telling OP to get over herself without most of them having to answer the same question day in day out

I'd keep saying'oh from here and there' till they got the message. Or maybe say I'd rather not say then quickly talk about something else

*summersherewishiwasnt

1 . Chill out, people actually don’t care about where you are from. An EE accent is not unusual in the UK, they are congratulating themselves on guessing where are from.

1. People are being friendly and making conversation. It’s hardly rude.*

Amazing really that you could read so many pages of comments from people who actually experience this and have explained repeatedly why it's 'othering' and then write this.

I have 2 passports but feel like I'm from the UK much more than the other country. I've lived in England 30/42 years of my life. I lived in the other country for 3 years and attended an English-speaking school. For the other 7 years I was in other countries.

I resent not being considered from "here". I've owned a UK passport since birth, have an accent, bring up my kids in the uk culture etc and don't need "othered." If I had a big scar on my face or was clearly mentally ill I wouldn't have strangers asking me about it. Most people (at best ) want to know if I fit their preconceptions of other countries and quite frankly it pisses me off having it pointed out that I'm not really a Brit in their eyes. I get the reverse in the other country and it's very annoying.

Mandala but we are different and that’s interesting. They don’t ask to to single us out, they ask out of curiosity or just for the sake of making conversation. It’s a shame though that it can make some people feel like they are being pointed at.
And can I just make the point, how many genuine generation long UK people on here have been stared at whilst in a different country as if they are at the zoo because they look foreign to that land? It happens to DH all the time and He finds that behaviour most bizzare but he’s ok when some of the locals actually ask where he’s from and he understands the staring (unsettling it may be) it’s a cultural thing. And he’s OK with being labelled a foreigner because that’s what he is even when he lived in a country for a long time.

@YourSarcasmIsDripping hope you didn't mean me 🙈🙉🙊
I honestly enjoy talking with people about it.
Plus it usually gives me a good chance to giggle about 3 day Christmas I have😁 And pressies on Christmas Eve. And Christmas day😁

Which reminded me. loads of people are actually interested in how I from CE, my DH from ME manage our traditions with British ones as well.
And that is something I enjoy talking about, because our traditions can be bloody weird😁