not to tell strangers where I'm from?

[FishCanFly]

I speak with a pretty unfortunate accent and this always prompts random people to ask where i'm from. Thing is - I don't want to say. I don't mind a friendly conversation, but i don't like giving out personal info to people i don't know. AIBU?

😊

Yorkshire sounds better than North Wales. The lady (following the question Where are you from?) claimed that I would not be so welcomed there beeing born in EE as they are closed communities.

Yes I did read it, I don’t see what was wrong with my comment
I should also add ‘When in Rome ...’

@Branster and within all those replies you haven't found even one answer to all your questions? Why we might be tired of the question,or annoyed, or othered , or cautious or the fact that our "prejudice" is based on experience, because we can't tell who will be nice or not?

Be proud of your accent and your country!
I'm proud enough, just don't want to be questioned about it by complete strangers.

Branston, if you read the thread then you'd know that it's not about a lack of national pride and that most people aren't asking because they want to know about your country. At best they are being nosey and asking for details that they wouldn't from a disfigured/disabled/trans person/mentally ill person (add person that is "different") At worst it fuels a person xenophobia/racism depending on where the person is from- especially when they don't accept your first answer (say London) as "correct"

Most people don't want to have it regularly pointed out that they are a foreign (an outsider). They don't really care if someone is from Bucharest, Moscow or Warsaw (and wouldn't have any specific comment based on the answer) just that they guessed right and if they fit the associated stereotype then even more so.

I can see why people who aren't British might feel it's a rude question but I honestly think asking where someone is from is a very normal part of British chit chat.

I ask it all the time if there's a hint that someone isn't from the local area...mainly because I'm just interested in them and looking for common ground or interested about their accent if I can't place it.

I'm Northern and live in Hampshire and I'm asked where I'm from pretty much every time I meet someone new.

Unless it's said in a particularly horrible way then I wouldn't read too much into it.

The problem is that I am British but because of my accent I am constantly asked this unfortunate question. The problem is not a chit chat but the following xenophobia due to Brexit.

Oh hell. From this thread I have learnt that I have probably offended the new member of staff in my local shop

She has the most gorgeous accent and I told her so and asked where it was from. Turns out Poland. She was telling me how she came here to be with her DP and that she finds the people really friendly. I live in a poor bit of Yorkshire, and was amazed that someone would leave such a beautiful country as Poland to live here. I asked her so many questions as she was lovely and chatty.

I now feel a right pillock that I was probably getting on her nerves by asking her. There was zero malice behind it at all, she had such a beautiful voice and I was being nosy. I see now how irritating it must be.

Do cultural differences within the UK add to this? In Yorkshire, everyone talks to everyone else. We are incredibly nosy about differences and really like to find out about people. I suppose if you haven't been brought up here, or have an accent, it must seem so nosy and intrusive. But we also would undoubtedly comment on someone having amazing pink hair, or a stunning tattoo, or a beautiful complexion etc irrespective of a person's heritage. We are interested in everybody.

Obviously, I won't ask questions any more as I would hate to offend and the tedium and "othering" of it never occured to me. I suppose because I live in an area where we are largely proud that immigrants would choose to live here, so it certainly isn't a "go back to where you came from thing"

One question which I have (please don't verbally kill me, its a genuine question which I am puzzled about): is there a point at which there is a parity between the cultural practices of the area a person lives (so the people of Yorkshire being chatty and nosy buggers), and the rights of people who choose to live here to not be asked questions? So if most people in an area are interested in each other and that's a cultural thing, at what point does that become something that should be tolerated by someone moving here?

I worded that REALLY badly, but I hope you know what I mean. Apologies for any offence caused. I am very bad at wording things.

I genuinely just think this is a cultural difference. I ask British people where they're from all the time too.

Of course there are xenophobic idiots but most people asking this question are just being friendly. It's a very British thing to ask, even of other British people...

Yorkshire sounds better than North Wales
... and here we go... every day is Bash The Welsh day in Mumsnet

Oh and OP you are totally NBU and I wholeheartedly understand and agree with you. The "where are you from?" blurted out straightaway is othering. After Brexit, it puts you on your guard.

@JoannaCuppa of course there is parity. We don't go round with our heads down,growling and snarling at everyone(well,not unless I'm having a bad day ).

You mentioned coloured hair,tattoos ,etc . I have all of those,plus other things. I have no problem discussing them ,the weather,my kid,my job etc. Eventually I have no problem about discussing where I come from, if we're having a proper conversation, even in detail, or i might offer that information myself.

The biggest issue that a lot of posters seem to ignore(in their quest of "it's just chit chat) is that "where are you from" often comes from complete strangers as we go on about our day AND it's the first thing (and sometimes only )they ask/say.

I do get that, really, but where I live, we would ask ANYONE with a non-local accent where they were from. Irrespective of whether they were from the UK or wherever. We are nosey about everyone.

I suppose I am saying that I totally understand that in the post Brexit climate, People are going to be wary of racism and xenophobia.

But here, someone with a non UK accent may well believe that they are being asked where they are from due to their accent being non UK. Actually, it would be due to being non-local. But the person with the non-UK accent would likely never know that, as they can only ever present with the accent they have. If that makes sense?

@JoannaCuppa Your employee probably gets that question all the time but your follow up questions makes it sound like you are genuinely interested in her and her life. You sound like a really warm and kind person.

OP is probably referring to random strangers who will ask where you're from then end the conversation as soon as you name the country or they'll have some stupid story about one person that they know from that country or start talking about some racist stereotype and start talking about Brexit and foreigners.

I'm from down south and strangers will talk to greet each other or ask for directions only. When I lived in London it was even less chit chat than that unless you get into a cab or something. It sounds lovely and friendly up north. My brother is at university in Durham and he gets the looking like a foreigner as well as " southern bastard" comments too.

@MythicalBiologicalFennel I should clarify that I love Wales and learnt Welsh as a result. This phrase was following the lady’s statement. Thankfully, my DC is too young to understand, because, I would not like to explain this to her.

My accent has faded over the decades but I do speak my native tongue with my children as I thought it was an important skill for them (and it's always good to know one's heritage). If I do get asked because people hear us speak it, I say (in a friendly tone) "How far back do you want to go?"
That totally works. It implies both that you've been here a long time and that they might get your whole family tree in a minute!

@JoannaCuppa you would know if she didn't want to talk about it, because she wouldn't.

I agree with @pikapikachu about the follow up questions especially

But here, someone with a non UK accent may well believe that they are being asked where they are from due to their accent being non UK. . I could live where you are for 10 years and I'd feel to still be reminded that I wasn't a local because of my southern accent. Obviously there's people whose families have lived their for generations but at what point does an "outsider" become one of you?

@JoannaCuppa

Do you ask complete strangers?
Do you interrupt them when they're talking with someone doing something?
Do you stop the conversation once your curiosity was satisfied?

There would be more but if the answer to these three basic things is No, then you're fine.

Imagine this, you're out and about with your friends,chatting just getting on with things. Some random person just shows up and asks you if you're pregnant. You reply no/yes They say "oh" and walk away or go into some story about their friend/cleaner/waitress/whatever that's also pregnant/not pregnant. Simple curiosity/chit chat?

I think you should reply with the location you're in now, really throw them for a loop .

Thanks C0untDucku1a for picking up on. Thought only I noticed how shockingly rude soap was.

Obviously there's people whose families have lived their for generations but at what point does an "outsider" become one of you?

Ah, we adopt people really quickly. My DP has just moved up to where I live having been born and bred in London, and latterly living in Hampshire. He is constantly asked at the moment where he is from as his accent sounds "posh". We DON'T ask to "other" people. And we do adopt anyone who wants to live here pretty rapidly (DP can't believe how quickly he feels at home and how friendly people are). We are just.......nosey. We want to get to know people, be friendly with them, say hi to people in the street that we vaguely recognise. Its just a community. My DP was greeted in the street the other day by the lady who works in the Chinese takeaway. He was

Far from offering, we ask questions to get to know people and include them. Obviously I can't speak for the whole of the country, but I do think that there are such big cultural differences within the UK, that maybe it depends on where you are as to whether the question is appropriate?

Asking a person with an accent where they are from, in the crowd of English people, is akin to asking an overweight person among thin ones "What is your dress size?" Because "Oh I just couldn't help but notice". This is "othering" even if there is no obvious evil intent. And that's a problem for the person "othered".

I feel much more at home in England than in my birth country. They are very different cultures and I am increasingly finding that I struggle to relate to it anymore. The UK is my home, this is where I work, had my children, bought my house, where my friends are. I hold the British passport.

It is therefore quite upsetting, if nothing else, when "just curious" citizens of my country feel the inclination to remind me that I am actually a foreigner in their eyes (or ears).

Some random person just shows up and asks you if you're pregnant. You reply no/yes They say "oh" and walk away or go into some story about their friend/cleaner/waitress/whatever that's also pregnant/not pregnant. Simple curiosity/chit chat?!

I had that happen! A woman asked me if she could see a baby bump. I had to reply "only a food baby". Don't know who was more embarrassed!

She meant well though, poor lady looked like she wanted the ground to swallow her up!

I do get your point that it is about context etc. But I did just announce to the lady in the shop that she had a gorgeous accent and where was it from. That's kind of it coming out of nowhere. Poor lady! But I didn't interrupt her and was fascinated about why an ex mining town is better, in her eyes, than Poland (it was because her DP is from here......he had better be bloody amazing to make it worth her while, believe me!).

Central Europe
I had a lovely colleague who preferred to introduce himself as being from Eastern Europe (he was Austrian). People were correcting him ALL the time that Austria is "Western Europe" - and he usually replied back that Vienna is to the east of Prague, which for some reason truly shocked people.