Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH should APOLOGISE to neighbours

181 replies

TheBadNeighbour · 28/07/2019 13:34

Had a small bbq last night and invited neighbour round who came with her two kids (aged 11 and 9). DH has had a lot to drink. I had also been drinking but was not drunk.
For context, I have aspergers and tend to repeat phrases I’ve heard. DH hates it and always picks me up on it but I don’t always realise I’m doing it.
Neighbour commented on the chicken and said it was nice, I told her the recipe and used a word that upset DH and so he flung his head back, screamed out the word and then hurled his can of beer into the air (showering neighbour with beer) before running around the garden repeating it over and over. Neighbour was gobsmacked and the eldest boy said “is he drunk??”. I was so embarrassed. Neighbour knows I have aspergers so doesn’t pick me up on words I use etc so she had no idea why he’d acted like that. She left shortly afterwards making an awkward joke about needing to get changed. I’m supposed to be meeting her for a run today and I’ve heard nothing from her and dare not contact her. DH won’t apologise as he says “we were all drunk” but we wasn’t! Just him!

OP posts:
WhentheRabbitsWentWild · 28/07/2019 14:32

Kin Hell

Lighten up some of you .

I do not have Aspergers but, like MaxNormal, I found that segment funny too . Why bring up IF he had hit her , to knock Max down with , when we know he DIDN'T ? Or perhaps you are just joyless .

As for you Icklepup, how pathetic to pull OP on her use of a word .

youarenotkiddingme · 28/07/2019 14:33

Your DH needs to apologise.

Is Lucy Bee a brand? My autistic DS also uses advert names/phrases or brand names to refer to everyday items sometimes.

It's never occurred to me it's something to get upset over! It's just a quirky thing he does.

InTheHeatofLisbon · 28/07/2019 14:34

No obviously not!

It's not obvious at all.

Please stop having a go at me

Fair enough I've said my piece anyway.

hungryhippie · 28/07/2019 14:35

I have Aspergers and repeat myself a lot. My Husband carries on as normal, as though I have never said it before or will say, "I know, you said the other day" etc. We laugh together about how I repeat things, but he would NEVER take the piss out of me for it or humiliate me!
Your Husband is an arsehole.

InTheHeatofLisbon · 28/07/2019 14:36

WhentheRabbitsWentWild I used that analogy because it's abusive behaviour, just as his behaviour to OP had been.

I don't find domestic abuse amusing, anything about it.

Possibly because I know how it fucking feels and have spent years trying to heal.

I don't need to lighten up, you need to get a fucking grip.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 28/07/2019 14:36

OP what you describe in your OP is scarily similar to the event that was the final straw in my relationship with EXp. I asked him to leave the next morning.

Icklepup · 28/07/2019 14:37
Grin
InTheHeatofLisbon · 28/07/2019 14:37

Apologies for the derail OP, I'll hide the thread now to avoid any further derail.

I hope you're ok.

IvanaPee · 28/07/2019 14:38

This is fucking insane!

I don’t even know what to say. Confused

He’s awful. Deranged. A bully. I’m just...I’m lost!

Spudlet · 28/07/2019 14:39

He has a drink problem. And you have a DH problem. I’m surprised he hasn’t been arrested for some of the examples you’ve given. He’s lucky not to have been!

It’s not you that’s the problem op, that’s for sure!

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 28/07/2019 14:39

Btw Op he has an alcohol problem and should never drink again. In your shoes, if you want to stay with him I would make that a condition of your marriage.

IvanaPee · 28/07/2019 14:39

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 28/07/2019 14:40

Joxer yes, I was thinking the same thing. Barely suppressed rage which is bubbling underneath all the time, which surfaces with alcohol or stress. It doesn't get better IMHO.

IvanaPee · 28/07/2019 14:41

If I acted like an abusive fucker to my dh when I was drunk, I wouldn’t get drunk. Ever.

But then, I wouldn’t act that way at all because I’m not an abusive bully.

iano · 28/07/2019 14:44

@MaxNormal Just ignore the oh so saintly posters... I found that description mildly funny too.

skybluee · 28/07/2019 14:46

"If I acted like an abusive fucker to my dh when I was drunk, I wouldn’t get drunk. Ever.

But then, I wouldn’t act that way at all because I’m not an abusive bully."

That's funny because you've called someone on this thread a cunt - a bully is exactly what you are.

Paddingtonthebear · 28/07/2019 14:48

Bloody hell. What a a weird arsehole thing to do.

OP, is there any possibility there is something else up with him? This behaviour is quite bizarre

Jux · 28/07/2019 14:49

"NO. We were NOT 'all drunk'; YOU were drunk, and you behaved appallingly. Not for the first time either. Grow the fuck up"

AlexaAmbidextra · 28/07/2019 14:50

YABU for writing "we wasn't"

Icklepup. Are you fucking joking? Is that your contribution to the thread? Ffs.

zzzzzzzz12345 · 28/07/2019 14:53

Not read it all but it sounds like your Aspergers is totally irrelevant and your husband is just an arsehole?

SaraNade · 28/07/2019 14:59

He most definitely should apologise. It is the right thing to do.

Regardless though, I don't really think your Aspergers is the issue here. Your DH seems to be an alcoholic and is the type of person who shouldn't drink - meaning he gets really vicious and nasty when he drinks, very belligerent and obnoxious. I would speak to him about going to AA and getting some help. This, would be a line in the sand for me. I would make sure he knew that our marriage is in trouble and at stake, and he needed help or else it's over.

He really seems to dislike you and your disability, and I would ask if he thinks it's appropriate to mock someone's disability and why did he marry me if he thinks so little of me, that his automatic thing to do when he is drunk is to mock and belittle me? I would not put up with it, this would be the final straw. And I say this myself as someone who also has Aspergers. I would no more tolerate my DH mocking my Aspergers than I would him mocking someone in a wheelchair, or someone who stutters, or someone with Cerebal Palsy and speaks strange.

AnyFucker · 28/07/2019 15:00

This man sounds like a particularly nasty combination of

  1. abusive fucker
  2. problem drinker
  3. coke/pills user mixing it with alcohol

3 reasons to get him out of your life

sweetiepie1979 · 28/07/2019 15:04

Oh god how embarrassing what a prick! He should be apologising to the neighbour he sounds out of control

KUGA · 28/07/2019 15:05

He sounds like a bully with arrogance to me.
He should apologise to her and you, as most people have suggested.
And as for running around the garden repeating it ,what an absolute ARSE.
He may also want you to keep away from your neighbour/friend.
Please don't let him win.
I feel for you.

DoneLikeAKipper · 28/07/2019 15:11

Your husband is utterly bonkers, do you really need MN to tell you that? As a side note, I’m surprised you even got a BBQ going yesterday, I was under the impression the UK was a washout all day and night!