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Original poster

DH should APOLOGISE to neighbours

181 replies

TheBadNeighbour · 28/07/2019 13:34

Had a small bbq last night and invited neighbour round who came with her two kids (aged 11 and 9). DH has had a lot to drink. I had also been drinking but was not drunk.
For context, I have aspergers and tend to repeat phrases I’ve heard. DH hates it and always picks me up on it but I don’t always realise I’m doing it.
Neighbour commented on the chicken and said it was nice, I told her the recipe and used a word that upset DH and so he flung his head back, screamed out the word and then hurled his can of beer into the air (showering neighbour with beer) before running around the garden repeating it over and over. Neighbour was gobsmacked and the eldest boy said “is he drunk??”. I was so embarrassed. Neighbour knows I have aspergers so doesn’t pick me up on words I use etc so she had no idea why he’d acted like that. She left shortly afterwards making an awkward joke about needing to get changed. I’m supposed to be meeting her for a run today and I’ve heard nothing from her and dare not contact her. DH won’t apologise as he says “we were all drunk” but we wasn’t! Just him!

OP posts:
InTheHeatofLisbon · 28/07/2019 14:16

Here comes another one.

Yes do let's laugh about an absolute arsehole mocking his partner for having Asperger's, it's absolutely hilarious isn't it.

Only it's not.

Nomoremilk · 28/07/2019 14:16

He sounds like a proper fruitcake. I'd suggest taking him to the gp he needs sectioning.

sackrifice · 28/07/2019 14:16

I don't see how you can carry on with this absolute nutter.

LuckyLou7 · 28/07/2019 14:17

Sounds like he has a drink problem to me...

Thefifthmovement · 28/07/2019 14:17

He did a few laps of the garden and then ran into the patio doors. I think he fell at that point because we heard a bang and the dogs started attacking him and neighbour asked if he was ok
[shocked]

ems137 · 28/07/2019 14:17

I don't think it's anything to do with you having Aspergers, I often refer to things by their brand name. For example make us a Nescafé please or I'd love a bar of Cadbury's or I'm just going to get the dyson out.

I think it's him just being a total prick who seems to have very little respect and kindness towards you.

spacedone · 28/07/2019 14:17

Do you have kids?

He sounds like an absolute twat and a dickhead. How dare he make fun of your Aspergers.

Thefifthmovement · 28/07/2019 14:17

ooops emoji fail ! Grin

RubbingHimSourly · 28/07/2019 14:18

If my OH behaved like that I'd have him down at the doctor's asap because it isn't sane or normal behaviour.

If he is indeed just a dick then you deserve better than a man who publiclly humiliates you.

Original poster
TheBadNeighbour · 28/07/2019 14:19

He’s totally different when sober

OP posts:
ilikemethewayiam · 28/07/2019 14:19

Op, your DH has a serious drink problem! If you haven’t already, you will start to dread him drinking for fear of what he will do. He becomes abusive. You will start to avoid those situations. You will wince at the sound of the the ring pull on his can of beer! This is serious. Film him on your phone and play it back to him when he’s sober. Tell him he needs to sort this. I was the child of a man like this. I have grown up will real issues around men drinking. I still get triggered when I hear a can of coke being opened! Don’t let your children witness this again.

MaxNormal · 28/07/2019 14:21

Yes do let's laugh about an absolute arsehole mocking his partner for having Asperger's, it's absolutely hilarious isn't it.

I have Aspergers, I wasn't laughing at that it was just the mental image which was totally slapstick.
He'd be shocking to live with in real life obviously. The embarrassment factor would be off the scale.

Icklepup · 28/07/2019 14:23

Yabu for writing "we wasn't"

RubbingHimSourly · 28/07/2019 14:24

Drunk or not it isn't normal. And I for one couldn't be arsed with this shit.

I have a relative with a drinking problem and I've begged her husband to leave. As have other members of the family. Because the shit and humiliation she puts him through makes for a life that is shite. Unfortunately her usual tactic is to tell people she's tried to kill herself (( this has never happened. )) So nobody dare stand up to her in case she actually does do something. But such is life. 💁

Is your husband on any medication ?? Some can badly interact with alcohol

InTheHeatofLisbon · 28/07/2019 14:25

I have Aspergers, I wasn't laughing at that it was just the mental image which was totally slapstick.

If he'd hit her and then done that would you still have found it funny?

I don't think it's funny given the context. If he'd just got pissed and that was the whole story, fair enough.

But to just comment laughing at that part was pretty shit.

Powerbunting · 28/07/2019 14:25

He has a drink problem if he acts like that when drunk he needs not to drink.

What a bizarre thing to do. Your autism has nothing to do with his behaviour. But it might mean that you put up with it, when you really shouldn't. He is the one acting strangely, not you

fedup21 · 28/07/2019 14:25

God, you poor thing-he sounds awful.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 28/07/2019 14:27

The Christmas tree story makes him sound even more abusive, drunk or not, he is abusing you.

Willow2017 · 28/07/2019 14:27

A few years ago we were in Dublin and I loved the Christmas tree in the hotel lobby. I must have mentioned it a few times and one night DH was really drunk and started ripping the decorations off it and trying to stuff them into my pockets shouting that it all belonged to me. I was mortified and kept apologising to the staff who were shouting at him to stop

WTAF?
Hope they threw him out and you got some peace from this total self obsessed control freak. It seems to be all about him.

onedayiwillmissthis · 28/07/2019 14:28

He sounds stark raving bonkers and the alcohol just unmasks him.

Ninkaninus · 28/07/2019 14:28

Tell him straight out that no, you were not all drunk, in fact he was the only drunk person and his behaviour was ridiculous and embarrassing and worried your children, and he has made things very awkward between you and one of your friends. He absolutely needs to apologise, whether he wants to or not.

Does he know how stupid he gets when he’s drunk? It actually sounds like he has quite a problem when he drinks.

MaxNormal · 28/07/2019 14:29

If he'd hit her and then done that would you still have found it funny?

No obviously not! Please stop having a go at me.

Ninkaninus · 28/07/2019 14:30

He really shouldn’t drink. And you don’t need to always be there apologising and taking all the embarrassment on your shoulders, you know. If he’s determined to drink I really think you should leave him to do so on his own.

jackstini · 28/07/2019 14:31

That is not normal behaviour; not any of the occasions you have mentioned Sad

He needs to apologise and he needs help

WhereYouLeftIt · 28/07/2019 14:32

Geez, I thought his behaviour in the OP was horrendous, with the other examples you've given this man is a total arsehole. He might be "totally different when sober", but with a drink in him he's a total arsehole. And presumably he's sober when he's refusing to apologise, so actually an arsehole drunk and sober.