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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH should APOLOGISE to neighbours

181 replies

TheBadNeighbour · 28/07/2019 13:34

Had a small bbq last night and invited neighbour round who came with her two kids (aged 11 and 9). DH has had a lot to drink. I had also been drinking but was not drunk.
For context, I have aspergers and tend to repeat phrases I’ve heard. DH hates it and always picks me up on it but I don’t always realise I’m doing it.
Neighbour commented on the chicken and said it was nice, I told her the recipe and used a word that upset DH and so he flung his head back, screamed out the word and then hurled his can of beer into the air (showering neighbour with beer) before running around the garden repeating it over and over. Neighbour was gobsmacked and the eldest boy said “is he drunk??”. I was so embarrassed. Neighbour knows I have aspergers so doesn’t pick me up on words I use etc so she had no idea why he’d acted like that. She left shortly afterwards making an awkward joke about needing to get changed. I’m supposed to be meeting her for a run today and I’ve heard nothing from her and dare not contact her. DH won’t apologise as he says “we were all drunk” but we wasn’t! Just him!

OP posts:
CruellaFeinberg · 28/07/2019 13:44

ah Lucy Bee is a brand

ElfridaEtAl · 28/07/2019 13:44

Yeah that's a daft thing to carry off like that about. Referring to an ingredient by its brand name Hmm

He definitely needs to apologize, to both of you.

sparklefarts · 28/07/2019 13:44

Horridly mean

rosedream · 28/07/2019 13:45

Don't not contact her because of yesterday.

Text or pop round and say. Wasn't H an idiot last night. What time shall we meet for our run ?

Yes he should apologise. He just looks an idiot. But don't not see your friend.

Aprillygirl · 28/07/2019 13:47

Are you sure he was just drunk? Because I've been around many drunk people let me tell ya and I've never come across behaviour as bizarre as this! He sounds unhinged! Poor you OP Flowers

Original poster
TheBadNeighbour · 28/07/2019 13:47

ive Messaged her asking if she’s still free for the run and apologised for DH getting too drunk

OP posts:
centrifugal · 28/07/2019 13:47

I hope he never, ever refers to the vacuum cleaner as the 'hoover', or the gazillion other brand names that have become everyday words. Knob.

Seeingadistance · 28/07/2019 13:47

What you said was the same as calling a vacuum cleaner a Hoover. Perfectly normal, unlike his behaviour.

As pp has said, contact your neighbour and go for your run. Don’t be isolated.

Original poster
TheBadNeighbour · 28/07/2019 13:48

He’s also very stressed. He was on a different brand of beer to normal so I don’t know if it’s effected him more than usual but he does tend to get very drunk and start acting inappropriate

OP posts:
SaxxedtotheMax · 28/07/2019 13:49

How did it end? Did she go home whilst he was still running around tge garden or had he run out of steam.and was sitting down.

Either way - WTF

SmileEachDay · 28/07/2019 13:49

He is being really mean to you because of a feature of your Aspergers. That’s so not ok.

Does he do that often, OP?

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 28/07/2019 13:49

He should absolutely apologise and should feel embarrassed as hell! On the plus side, Im sure your friend knows that it was him being a knob, and not a reflection on you.

ElfridaEtAl · 28/07/2019 13:50

OP don't make excuses for him! His behaviour was out of order he shouldn't have done what he did, mocking you like that is not on, stress or no stress.
That sounds harsher than I meant it to but he shouldn't have done that to you, it's completely unacceptable.

rowrowrowyaboat · 28/07/2019 13:51

He sounds unhinged and like a bully. Id be mortified if my dh behaved like that, id ltb tbh.

blackteasplease · 28/07/2019 13:52

He sounds horrendous. I don't understand the problem with you using words or phrases you've heard. Words aren't some how rationed so that only certain people can use them! Sounds like a form of gaslighting to me - making you feel there's something "wrong" with you and keeping you on edge.

Original poster
TheBadNeighbour · 28/07/2019 13:52

He did a few laps of the garden and then ran into the patio doors. I think he fell at that point because we heard a bang and the dogs started attacking him and neighbour asked if he was ok

OP posts:
Elision · 28/07/2019 13:52

You almost seem apologetic about triggering this by the word you used- I just want to let you know that I don’t have Aspergers but i often use silly or made up words for things to amuse myself and even though it annoys him sometimes, generally my partner finds it funny and even joins in. He would never embarrass me in front of others over it. You didn’t deserve this and I wouldn’t let it drop with him if it were me. Being drunk is not an excuse for abusive behaviour which is what this was.

Crinkle77 · 28/07/2019 13:53

You're husband is a knob. You have aspergers and gets annoyed at things you do? It's not like you're doing it on purpose.

ineedaholidaynow · 28/07/2019 13:53

How often does he get drunk OP? I have nothing against having a drink in front of children, but when it starts to impact on your behaviour like with your DH then you need to stop drinking.

NoBaggyPants · 28/07/2019 13:53

Does he normally deride you like this?

Stress and a different beer is zero excuse for his behaviour.

Original poster
TheBadNeighbour · 28/07/2019 13:54

Normally I laugh at my own aspergers and can take the poss out of myself but I don’t like to be shown up in front of other people. Plus the kids were there and looked worried

OP posts:
SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 28/07/2019 13:54

Sorry, but the being rude and embarassing the neighbour is the least of your problems here. It appears you are married to a controlling knob. If my DH tried to control my vocabulary we would be having serious talks.

Cheeserton · 28/07/2019 13:56

What an utter tosser and a nasty man. The LEAST he should do is apologise to you BOTH.

NoBaggyPants · 28/07/2019 13:57

There's a world of difference between laughing at yourself and someone laughing at you. This isn't the first time is it?

PullingMySocksUp · 28/07/2019 13:58

The word you used is perfectly normal too. In that context.
It’s like saying ‘I’ve added a bit much Sarson’s to these chips’. It’s really fine.

He sounds absolutely awful wanting to punish you for doing something wrong. That isn’t even wrong.