DH should APOLOGISE to neighbours

[TheBadNeighbour]

Had a small bbq last night and invited neighbour round who came with her two kids (aged 11 and 9). DH has had a lot to drink. I had also been drinking but was not drunk.
For context, I have aspergers and tend to repeat phrases I’ve heard. DH hates it and always picks me up on it but I don’t always realise I’m doing it.
Neighbour commented on the chicken and said it was nice, I told her the recipe and used a word that upset DH and so he flung his head back, screamed out the word and then hurled his can of beer into the air (showering neighbour with beer) before running around the garden repeating it over and over. Neighbour was gobsmacked and the eldest boy said “is he drunk??”. I was so embarrassed. Neighbour knows I have aspergers so doesn’t pick me up on words I use etc so she had no idea why he’d acted like that. She left shortly afterwards making an awkward joke about needing to get changed. I’m supposed to be meeting her for a run today and I’ve heard nothing from her and dare not contact her. DH won’t apologise as he says “we were all drunk” but we wasn’t! Just him!

He sounds like a horrible person. Is he always unkind to you? Do you have children with him?

You almost sound like you're blaming yourself. Please, please don't. You did absolutely nothing wrong. It's bad enough your husband humiliated you all but his refusal to apologise is disgraceful. I feel so sorry for your neighbour and her children who must have been quite frightened, but especially for you having to deal with this arsehole. I'd seriously consider kicking his sorry arse out of the house until he grows up.

He threw his beer in the air, ran round the garden shouting Lucy Bee, then ran into the patio doors - and he gets annoyed with you?!

I’m sorry you’re beingbtreat like this...he’s being really embarrassing and horrible to you. Is there a reason you’re staying with him, you don’t have to you know! He’s going off the deep end because you repeat words or phrases (we all do, that’s how we learn!) he’s a sandwich shirt if the Punic, but he’s making you feel at fault

‘Stress’ is not an excuse to treat you so badly nor to act like a complete imbecile.

I hope you had a nice run with your neighbour - make sure you spend time with all your friends - you’lll need them!

He’s not worthy of you 🌷

He sounds like a knob and I hope he's cringing today himself. I have no idea what he thought he would achieve by acting like this, what a bell end!

Oh don't make excuses or feel embarrassed.

He's the only one who made an absolute spectacle of himself.

I sometimes find it annoying when people use brand names as obviously if you don't know what they mean you can feel a fool, especially if everyone else seems to know!

But not the case here.

Your husband sounds horrible-ridiculing you & not taking responsibility.

Tbh I'd find his behaviour scary as well as utterly bizarre.

Even if you didn’t have Aspergers, repeating phrases and words you have heard recently is quite usual and acceptable behaviour. Your DH was rude and childish in this instance and if he does this a lot he is also a bully.

He mocks you for your Asperger's, shows you up in front of people and is a drunken thug.

How awful for you OP, he should absolutely apologise to the neighbour, but most importantly he should start treating you better. Not just this incident, but in general.

If a partner mocked someone in a wheelchair, or with an amputation, or another visible disability would it be ok? No, it wouldn't. And it's not ok for him to mock you for your Asperger's.

I'm autistic, and DP and I take the piss out of each other a lot, but never personal, and never overstepping. If he mocked me for being autistic it would devastate me and I don't think I could stay.

You're not defective, he's an arse and it seems like you think it's ok to have the piss taken out of you for a condition you can't change. It really, really isn't. You deserve better.

I'm sorry, I shouldn't laugh but the mental image of a grown man throwing their can of beer in the air and doing laps of the garden screaming "Lucy Bee" before decking it into the patio doors only to be attacked by dogs.....

Tbh if you said ‘lucyBee’ to menud have looked at you because I’d have been clueless as to what you actually meant! But that would have been my lack of awareness not your fault!

It’s no Different to hoover, sellotape or a hundred other brand names we use in the same way!

But even if it was - he has no right to be nasty about an aspect of your Aspergergers. None. You sound a billion times more socially aware than he does!

It’s the first time he’s done anything this bad. A few years ago we were in Dublin and I loved the Christmas tree in the hotel lobby. I must have mentioned it a few times and one night DH was really drunk and started ripping the decorations off it and trying to stuff them into my pockets shouting that it all belonged to me. I was mortified and kept apologising to the staff who were shouting at him to stop

He did a few laps of the garden and then ran into the patio doors. I think he fell at that point because we heard a bang and the dogs started attacking him and neighbour asked if he was ok

lol

Sorry

I'm sorry, I shouldn't laugh but the mental image of a grown man throwing their can of beer in the air and doing laps of the garden screaming "Lucy Bee" before decking it into the patio doors only to be attacked by dogs.....

You're right, you shouldn't.

I doubt it was funny to OP, or the neighbours.

To be honest he sounds like an absolute cunt.

How was that incident not bad? Do you minimise other behaviour or embarrassment he causes?

Oh god that's awful OP. I would have known what you mean by Lucy bee. How dare he treat you all like that. It also seems like it's ongoing.

Is he apologetic today?? To you I mean.

I think I would just call into neighbour and tell her how embarrassed you are and explain that DH sometimes does this and console in her. She sounds like she is a good friend

You know it's nothing to do with your Aspergers don't you? Its everything to do with an arsehole that should be limiting the amount he drinks.
Are you happy with your life with him?

He sounds really awful op

What? I am aghast. Even if you actually had said something odd (which you didn't) and even if it couldn't be attributed to you having asperger's, he sounds mentally ill. He needs to apologise to her immediately. I would too if it was me just to keep the peace. Then he needs help. You poor poor thing.

He just gets really ridiculous and embarrassing when he’s had a drink and never knows when to stop. He’s got us into trouble a number of times (squashing kebab into the wall in the lift in the shard for example, booing at a muaythai fight in Thailand etc etc) it’s not normally directed at me but I’m the one that suffers the embarrassment of it all

I honestly don’t see how you calling the document oil by the brand name is irritating, or anything to do with your Aspergers.

Your husband is a strange little man, who can’t hold his drink and has a mean streak.

It’s lucky the beer can didn’t hit anyone. Twat.

He should apologise to everyone who was present - and he shoudlmadjust his attitude from this point forward.

Oy. He sounds belligerent to be honest. If I were you I'd want him to not only apologize, but take a hard look at his drinking if it causes him to behave that way. On the topic of your neighbor, please reach out to her. You say she's one of your only friends. That makes it that much more important to salvage the relationship. Allowing his poor behavior to isolate you would be tragic. Reach out and apologize then follow her lead, if it's something she'd like to drop, then drop it, or however it seems she wants to handle it. If I were you I'd be prepared for her to prefer socializing without him for a bit anyway. Good luck OP

He has apologised to me and told me to tell neighbour that he’ll get the kids some films to watch. He won’t acknowledge what happened other than to say we were all drunk and it got a bit out of band. Neighbour had only had one drink

Honestly, he sounds like a complete arsehole and not someone I would want to spend any time with. He won't change if he doesn't think he has a problem, either.

God he sounds horrible OP. Is he like this when he’s sober?