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Original poster

Would you forgive a partner for doing cocaine as a one off?

158 replies

MysteryManchild · 28/07/2019 01:30

Have a one year old dd at home, he’s very recklass with drinking and had a tendency to start fights/go wild and gamble money while drunk, never this though.

Really don’t want to drip feed so honestly he hasn’t always been the nicest to me and I suspect a bit of an alcohol problem but he drinks so rarely that I’ve let it slid.

Ex partner was an alcohol and coke addict which may be clouding my judgement but I want to pack his bags..

OP posts:
Original poster
MysteryManchild · 28/07/2019 01:33

Also worth noting he does know that l this is a massive massive deal to me.

OP posts:
Batshittery · 28/07/2019 01:36

Never mind the cocaine - the drinking and fighting would be enough for me to tell him to piss off.
You deserve better

MrsMop7 · 28/07/2019 01:37

I wouldn't believe it was a one off. It has either happened before or it will again.

Original poster
MysteryManchild · 28/07/2019 01:39

God I’m shaking, not sure what to do..leave him for tonight? He’s not answering phone. My whole body is shaking.

OP posts:
Topseyt · 28/07/2019 01:43

No, I wouldn't forgive it, even as a one-off.

By the way, I doubt that this is a one-off we are discussing here. This man drinks, fights and gambles. I personally don't see why you aren't packing his bags. He is hardly catch of the century.

notso · 28/07/2019 01:44

In your circumstances no.

BlueSuffragette · 28/07/2019 01:45

Fighting when drunk, gambling and not nice to you doesn't sound great. If your ex also took cocaine and was an alcohol addict maybe you need to be on your own for a while and higher your expectations in a partner.

Original poster
MysteryManchild · 28/07/2019 01:50

Really trying to control my emotions but it’s very hard right now. He has threatened suicide in the past when I’ve had a backbone so scared of saying anything to him but I’m finding it very hard to handle right now. Who does this with a one year old at home?

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Sadie789 · 28/07/2019 01:54

Agree with others that I don’t think the cocaine is the real issue here so much as the alcohol, fighting, gambling and not being very nice to you.

Why live with that?

Are you tied to him? Kids? Finances?

If not I would definitely break away from him as these are problems that only get worse over time.

Sadie789 · 28/07/2019 01:56

Ps threatening suicide is emotional blackmail.

I had an alcoholic ex who did this to me all the time. With hindsight I should have left him two years earlier than I did.

You are not responsible for him or his actions. Walk away and take your baby with yoh.

GibbonLover · 28/07/2019 01:57

I'd say violence is far more unacceptable than cocaine use.

Yes, pack his bags. Then, do as BlueSuffragette says. You do not need a man. You won't be on your own, you have DD. Look inwards and ask yourself why you've picked two tossers on the trot. You deserve a better life and you can have it. Just not with this man.

KC225 · 28/07/2019 01:59

Yes as a one off curiosity thing. No in the situation you have described. He sounds deeply flawed and you will always be hanging on with your finger tips if you stay with him. You and especially your daughter deserve a better life

GibbonLover · 28/07/2019 01:59

Oh yes, about the suicide threats. People who really want to kill themselves keep quiet about it lest their plans be thwarted.

Yodude · 28/07/2019 02:00

Forgive it? I wouldn't want my DH to take coke as it is bad for you and I would be worried about him but I don't see it as something I would need to forgive him for.

Gambling money away would be more something I would have trouble forgiving and I have no interest in men who fight

mrbob · 28/07/2019 02:01

Yes as a one off. The rest I would not forgive- the cocaine is not the problem

FreddiesMammy · 28/07/2019 02:02

No I wouldn’t forgive it. Everyone has different opinions on drugs and that’s fine, but if he knew it was a deal breaker for you he shouldn’t have done it

EileenAlanna · 28/07/2019 02:07

Let him threaten suicide to the cows come home. He has absolutely no intension of carrying it out, he uses it as a control mechanism with you. At the end of the day if he decides to commit suicide that's on him, not you. Tell him you respect his decision & is there anyone in particular he wants you to let know.
You can do way, way better than this.

Original poster
MysteryManchild · 28/07/2019 02:09

Sorry when I say he fights me I mean will argue/insult me/ my family. Also understand that it’s not really a forgivable action as he is free to do whoever he chooses. I meant it from the perspective of someone who is lucky to be alive after almost marrying someone with a coke addiction, who is extremely triggered by it. My ex was so angry on it that he caused a miscarriage. I am tired to him to a certain degree, as I’m studying again due to a career change but I can and will 100% do this alone. My dd is everything to me. He has in the past threatened to take her from me and has made out to family that I’m mentally ill and abusive..

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Original poster
MysteryManchild · 28/07/2019 02:10

God so many spelling mistakes, sorry!

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SandyY2K · 28/07/2019 02:11

From your thread title, I would have said yes... hoping it was a one off and he was an otherwise great guy, until I read this

he hasn’t always been the nicest to me

Original poster
MysteryManchild · 28/07/2019 02:17

Am I being too over dramatic?

Would you forgive a partner for doing cocaine as a one off?
Would you forgive a partner for doing cocaine as a one off?
Would you forgive a partner for doing cocaine as a one off?
OP posts:
OooErMissus · 28/07/2019 02:20

he’s very recklass with drinking and had a tendency to start fights/go wild and gamble money while drunk

...and you're focusing on the one-off cocaine???

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/07/2019 02:22

He's taking him home? He's not driving drunk and coked up I hope?

tolerable · 28/07/2019 02:23

know what..at 22 i would of.at 32 i might of.at 42 i can promise it never stops and gets beyond worse.do what your gut tells you.if your e wrong he'll fix it.go

TwistyTop · 28/07/2019 02:24

In your circumstances I definitely wouldn't forgive this as a one off. Also, even without this incident, it sounds like you and your DC would be better off without him.