Would you forgive a partner for doing cocaine as a one off?

[MysteryManchild]

Have a one year old dd at home, he’s very recklass with drinking and had a tendency to start fights/go wild and gamble money while drunk, never this though.

Really don’t want to drip feed so honestly he hasn’t always been the nicest to me and I suspect a bit of an alcohol problem but he drinks so rarely that I’ve let it slid.

Ex partner was an alcohol and coke addict which may be clouding my judgement but I want to pack his bags..

Your last update is basically justifying all of his actions and minimising everything you've said because you're scared of what he'll do if you take proportionate action and leave. You're in an abusive relationship.

Your lack of a job or resources doesn't matter. There's help available for women in your position. Don't let your child grow up in the shadow of an abusive, reckless man.

I do tr hi I there’s anything wrong with going a bit wild on the odd night out even once you’re a parent, but that doesn’t seem the case here.

You said he hasn’t ways been nice to you and that in itself is enough for me to say you should ltb.

Dear god woman where is your self respect? Your poor DD, you should have left immediately.

My partner? Yes, because he doesn't have a history of any of the behaviour that yours does. But if I were you, I'd leave.

@saraclara

I haven't attacked the OPs choices but have you read the last update ? I don't think the OP is going anywhere now. She is minimising.

To be honest, if a child wasn't involved I don't think anyone would care, but you have to admit, you don't have a child around drugs, alcoholism and someone as unpredictable as the OPs partner. It's bound to work people up.

Leave op, then you can decide from a safe place if it's permanent. If not you'll need a lot of support and he needs to change. Aa for him, alanon for you and alateen for kids later.
Get out now and explore your options, his reaction will tell you what you need to know. No talking to him now he's hung over, serious conversation in a few days

Not helpful

'I love my dd more than anything and would rather go to prison than ever let him hurt her.'

I grew up with a father who abused alcohol, I didn't ever see him hit my mum (pretty sure he did though) but the screaming and shouting is domestic violence and she will be hurt, very very hurt. You must go to Women's Aid, they will house you and get you back on your feet. Or you are destroying your daughters life before she's even begun it.

True though.

@MysteryManchild have you seen the BBC drama ‘I am Nicola’? If not, I’d recommend it. As someone who has been in a coercive relationship, I know how hard it is to leave but consider that what your child sees, she considers normal - do you want that for her long term, let alone you? Make a plan, how ever long it takes you and leave. I hope that you and your daughter get the chance to find someone who treats you both with the respect you deserve and that you can get help to rebuild your self esteem.

To the folks slating this woman for not leaving, it’s not that simple. It’s even a huge thing that she’s here, sharing this with you all - a little kindness please.

@MsTSwift eye roll

You be a bleeding heart if you want that poor baby has no choice. Car crash.

If I was in your shoes I would not be ok with it. It seems more like this is the straw that broke the camel's back. It's not like everything is great, no issues, out of the blue he makes a mistake, one time. His lifestyle choices aren't compatible with having a child. If you really really live him and want it to work, tell him to go get help with whatever he needs help with. Straighten out his life, and only then, try again. If he's not willing, then you should move on from him.

I left a relationship like that so know of what I speak. You don’t have a child with a man like that if you’ve any sense.

If you were a good mum you’d leave him. Imagine if your dc got hold of some coke...

Wanted to add: keep these messages that admit he used coke. File for child support immediately. Leaving will feel like the hardest thing in the world, but keep your head on straight and you'll be absolutely shocked at how quickly you can rebuild a life of your own for you and your daughter. Accept any and all help you can get from whatever resources are available. There's no shame in that. The system is set up for and meant to help people exactly like you, while you work to establish yourself. You can do it without him.

I’m at my mums house, got here a few hours ago. Will be going to housing association tomorrow to register as homeless. Those of you who misunderstood my last update, I had every intention of leaving today, I was trying to make it unbiased.

Good luck with everything, OP.

Well done OP and good luck.

Certain people are ridiculous, hurling abuse at the OP who is clearly in a coercive relationship.
Anyone who thinks calling her names will make her leave is foolish.
Hope you're doing okay OP

Good luck OP, dont fall for his sob stories and stay focused on the best thing for your dd. Well done for getting to your mums

Good Luck, OP. And ignore those who willfully misunderstood your post.

Well done OP, that's incredibly fast work! Your new life starts here, it will be tough at first but you never have to put up with this shit ever again

All the best