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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you forgive a partner for doing cocaine as a one off?

158 replies

MysteryManchild · 28/07/2019 01:30

Have a one year old dd at home, he’s very recklass with drinking and had a tendency to start fights/go wild and gamble money while drunk, never this though.

Really don’t want to drip feed so honestly he hasn’t always been the nicest to me and I suspect a bit of an alcohol problem but he drinks so rarely that I’ve let it slid.

Ex partner was an alcohol and coke addict which may be clouding my judgement but I want to pack his bags..

OP posts:
Wonkydonkey44 · 28/07/2019 10:08

Please leave , this man will never change and his mum sounds like an enabling twat, let her look after him . You and your daughter deserve so much better!

buttertoasty · 28/07/2019 10:08

You need to leave, today. He will never ever change and this will be the rest of your life, and your DDs too.

Booboosweet · 28/07/2019 10:11

He wasted 500 pounds in a strip club. He's an arsehole.

NotMoneyRich · 28/07/2019 10:16

This reply has been deleted

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raspberryk · 28/07/2019 10:16

Perfume in a strip club? Hmm

Seriously take a good look at yourself and him and throw him the hell out!

Fleetheart · 28/07/2019 10:16

You need to stop listening to his pleas. Can you go somewhere with DD today? He needs to go. Is this your home? Or joint?

FannyGall0ps · 28/07/2019 10:19

I totally agree!! This is on you now. You’re letting all this happen in front of your kid. You’re teaching her that it’s ok to love with a man who behaved like this.

His Mum told you that you had to stay? No way!! So she can put her Son first, above your daughter. PUT YOUR DAUGHTER FIRST and kick him out, NOW!!

Teaandchocolatecake · 28/07/2019 10:23

If my brother did that my mum would be telling his partner to leave! She would want better for her grandchild and wouldn’t expect any partner to tolerate such shit.

Who do you think he was in the hotel room with? To be smelling of perfume at 8am would indicate he’s been very close to a female, so I would suspect private dances or cheating.

It doesn’t much matter though, from your first post I would have said leave, everything else since has just confirmed that’s what you need to do. He’s pathetic.

Didntwanttochangemyname · 28/07/2019 10:23

I don't think the perfume is from a strip club.
Leave
Ignore his mum, it's not up to you to look after this arsehole, but it is up to you to protect your daughter from him.

buttertoasty · 28/07/2019 10:24

Yeah sorry OP I don't buy the strip club line

LittleCandle · 28/07/2019 10:25

Even without the fighting and drinking, taking coke is not okay ever with me. That would be the end, because it is never only once. Leave him. The suicide threats are just that - threats to control you. If he gets in touch saying he is going to kill himself, call the police and step back. Your DD does not need to grow up seeing this kind of dreadful behaviour.

plominoagain · 28/07/2019 10:25

Fuck him, and fuck his mother .

The only reason she wants you to stay , is so he doesn’t become her problem . No no no . Get rid , for your sake ( be honest , where do you really see this relationship going , except downhill?) and more importantly , for your child’s sake .

aweedropofsancerre · 28/07/2019 10:27

your poor DD having to be embroiled in this mess of a relationship. You are setting her up to have very low expectations of not only men but relationships.

Original poster
MysteryManchild · 28/07/2019 10:30

Just to clear the “stroke your head” text was me trying to get him home before he made any more mistakes. I would (and have) given him hell over this.

OP posts:
TooTrueToBeGood · 28/07/2019 10:35

He did not make mistakes. He made decisions.

MrsBobDylan · 28/07/2019 10:37

If you can't just walk out the door after everything you know about him, then your dd hasn't got a chance at a decent life.

If you want to stay with this man then give your dd up so she can live somewhere safe where she is loved.

MrsBobDylan · 28/07/2019 10:38

Yes, but what people are questioning is why were you trying to get him home? You are not his mother, he is a grown man making his own decisions. Why would you want someone like that around your child?

GallopingGreen · 28/07/2019 11:02

Leave. The. Bastard.

Original poster
MysteryManchild · 28/07/2019 11:05

Trying to get him home to do damage control, I guess. To stop him gambling all our money away, or getting himself killed. He is DDs dad, I didn’t want him to hurt himself.

OP posts:
LatteLove · 28/07/2019 11:05

No. My marriage would be over.

He knows how I feel about drugs and particularly that I believe anyone who takes cocaine is not a good person. He would have no respect for me and wouldn’t be the person I married so it would be over. I’ve got no time for drug abusers.

Original poster
MysteryManchild · 28/07/2019 11:06

He hasn’t been anywhere near dd, I would never allow that. His mum is here now and dd is sleeping, I feel trapped.

OP posts:
Original poster
MysteryManchild · 28/07/2019 11:08

Anyone here ever stayed in a homeless hostel in London? Can anyone tell me how it was? Going to call tomorrow, I can’t afford to stay here and feel very trapped/on edge. It’s like the twilight zone. His mum washing his nose out with dds saline spray. Wtf

OP posts:
Original poster
MysteryManchild · 28/07/2019 11:10

As soon as he falls asleep I can leave with dd but right now they are both stopping me. Can stay at my mums tonight and organise the homeless thing tomorrow. He will turn up there but my brother is a 6ft 4 body builder Grin God feel like I’m living in another world.

OP posts:
aweedropofsancerre · 28/07/2019 11:12

His mum washing his nose out with dds saline spray. is that a joke? She does realise it wont make a jot of difference. Your both charging round trying to stop him getting himself killed due to him taking a a bit of sniff and drinking. You and his mum need to get a grip, leave him in his drunk, drugged state and take your DD out of this mess. Leave him to deal with the consequences of his own decisions

aweedropofsancerre · 28/07/2019 11:12

they are stopping you from leaving? phone the police

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