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Original poster

Would you forgive a partner for doing cocaine as a one off?

158 replies

MysteryManchild · 28/07/2019 01:30

Have a one year old dd at home, he’s very recklass with drinking and had a tendency to start fights/go wild and gamble money while drunk, never this though.

Really don’t want to drip feed so honestly he hasn’t always been the nicest to me and I suspect a bit of an alcohol problem but he drinks so rarely that I’ve let it slid.

Ex partner was an alcohol and coke addict which may be clouding my judgement but I want to pack his bags..

OP posts:
TwistyTop · 28/07/2019 02:27

The texts... God. I'm sorry OP but it really sounds like the depserate ramblings of a man who will never change.

Sorry, that's just my view on them.

Hope you and DC are ok xx

Original poster
MysteryManchild · 28/07/2019 02:28

No, he doesn’t drive so getting a cab. Not sure why he has to fucking escort him home though.

OP posts:
GrimDamnFanjo · 28/07/2019 02:30

Combined with everything else he doesn't seem to be reliable or positive to have around.

Original poster
MysteryManchild · 28/07/2019 02:35

He’s disappeared off texts again so I’ve told him not to come back here. Will figure everything out tomorrow. Ouch my heart.

OP posts:
Original poster
MysteryManchild · 28/07/2019 02:37

I know I’m thinking way too far ahead but will the court allow him to have dd overnight if I have proof of him taking cocaine?

OP posts:
buttertoasty · 28/07/2019 02:38

A one off yes maybe but we don't have children, if we did I may feel differently as I don't think it's right to go off on a bender leaving a partner and child at home then rendering yourself useless the day after as cocaine does.

But this I think is the icing on the cake of a lot of other issues you have. I would try to get some sleep and then have a real think about whether this is the life you want.

Tavannach · 28/07/2019 02:39

Trouble is if he has a problem with alcohol (bad enough in itself) he has the kind of personality which may well easily develop a problem with coke.
He sounds like he loves you though. Maybe if he's willing to get help it might work, but you'd have to be very firm about this.

buttertoasty · 28/07/2019 02:40

I don't know but I would keep a copy of that text in case things get ugly, which they may well do as he has threatened you with your dd in the past. Will refute any evidence that he is a picture perfect dad.

OwlBeThere · 28/07/2019 02:40

Honestly the getting into fights and being not the nicest would make me be already questioning my decision and I think this would finish me off.

OwlBeThere · 28/07/2019 02:50

I can’t see a court stopping him having access due to one episode of taking coke, but it very much depends on any other evidence.
I would also say though that ‘people who mean to commit suicide don’t tell anyone’ Is a misconception and potentially a very dangerous one that I wish people would stop stating as a fact. Im not saying her meant it, I don’t know him. But it’s not a black and white thing.
That said he’s got some serious growing up to do.

FatThor · 28/07/2019 04:48

Bloody hell what a load of drama

You don't need this in your life, that text exchange sounds like dialogue from a poorly written teen melodrama (from both of you tbh). You have a child, you both need to grow up and stop feeding the hysteria. I know that's pretty harsh but you can genuinely have a calm and steady life if you choose to.

The fighting, drinking, drugs? He sounds like a yob (and a knob). Raise your standards, you are worth more than this and so is your daughter

Elle2019 · 28/07/2019 05:00

No I would not bring my son up in this kind of environment. I’d leave.

Aquamarine1029 · 28/07/2019 05:38

Raise the bar, because it's currently on the floor.

Oysterbabe · 28/07/2019 05:53

I wouldn't forgive and I wouldn't believe it's a one off.

Original poster
MysteryManchild · 28/07/2019 06:53

He’s begging to come home now. Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
MysteryManchild · 28/07/2019 06:55

He does sound like a yob, he’s actually an almost 40yo man who’s very successful in his field. He just has zero self control. Sad

OP posts:
Saltnpepper5 · 28/07/2019 07:05

I wouldn't forgive him. He has a child to look after and he's getting drunk/fighting and taking drugs! No thank you. Do you and your baby a favour and leave this man.

Bourbonbiccy · 28/07/2019 07:22

Only you know what your day to day life is like with him.

If my hubby did this as a one off, yes I would forgive it, if he was constantly out getting drunk and starting arguments with me, No I wouldn't. I don't agree with arguing when you have children in the home, especially when drunk.

If he was awful every time he drunk and was rude to me and my family, he would have to get help and not drink in order for me to stay with him.

YukoandHiro · 28/07/2019 07:25

I broke up with an ex over the time he did coke in my house while I was asleep (a while after though, took me a bit of time to build up the strength, but it was the incident that ended the relationship for me). He knew how I felt about drugs after losing a school friend. I was a lot younger and no DC involved though, so easy to leave.

You may find you can't get past it. I couldn't, even when the initial anger had worn off

Instagrrr · 28/07/2019 07:27

So was he like this before having a child? Did you think having a child would magically change him? Hmm

Coke is rarely a one off for what it’s worth.

Wherearemycrayons · 28/07/2019 07:27

Why did he mention cheating? Did you in the text before the first one you showed? If not I’d be super suspicious of that.

Tartsamazeballs · 28/07/2019 07:28

God he sounds grim, why on earth would you want to be with someone like that? He's abusive, emotionally manipulative, fights and drinks... Gross. Seriously grim. Your kid deserves better.

Plus you are fueling that drama with all the "come home, don't come home, I can't breathe" stuff. You both need to grow up I think. Don't feed his crap and need for dramatics, you're better than that. He's dragging you down.

Ellapaella · 28/07/2019 07:36

Who is he in that hotel room with op?
I think you deserve so much better than all of this. He won't change. You don't need to live the rest of your life like this.
My first serious boyfriend was into coke - I spent so long worrying about him and taking him back after he let me down time and time again. What a waste of 3 years of my life that was but I was young and naive at the time.
Find your dignity and inner strength and believe, really believe that you deserve so much better.

northernknickers · 28/07/2019 07:40

He's nearly 40? Seriously...you've landed yourself with a Peter Pan! A 'Man-child' of the worst kind 🤦‍♀️😩. His texts read like those of a 19 year old, not a 40 year old...my jaw dropped when you said how old he was, I'm not even joking! You'll take him back, I can tell from your texts (I'll stroke your head until you fall asleep...wtf? He just told you he'd coked up!!)

He's aggressive...you take him back.

He gambles...you take him back.

He fights...you take him back.

He drinks and takes cocaine...you offer to stroke his head until he falls asleep 🤷‍♀️

And you'll take him back. Obviously. He knows this. And will continue. You have a year old daughter...she's going to normalise this and the cycle will continue. 👍

MyFokMarelize · 28/07/2019 07:42

I agree with Tarts - if being with this guy has turned you into the woman who would write texts like that then you need to walk away.
I would. I don't like drugs and would never want my child around that world.