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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what you actually can't do after having children?

417 replies

BinkyBaa · 27/07/2019 21:54

I'd like to have children in the next few years but I'm a serial worrier/over planner. I see lots of vague statements get thrown around on here about things like holidays and hobbies not being possible anymore after children.
Obviously I know life is different forever after having DCs but aibu to ask is there really anything children stop you doing ever again entirely?

OP posts:
ChristOnAScooter · 28/07/2019 05:44

Sleep! Have a sleep in!

ChristOnAScooter · 28/07/2019 05:47

Forgot to add use the phone in peace. They will be quiet all-day then as soon as you are on the phone, they will pester you non stop, sing, start to ask you any amount of random shit, or start fighting!

StoppinBy · 28/07/2019 06:04

You can't go a single day without...worrying about your little people... being annoyed about something they did/didn't do/refused to do/went ahead and did when you just told them not to etc etc and of course you can't go a day without feeling like you just love those little people so much that no matter what you would never ever stop loving them.

Oh and you can't ever eat a chocolate while they are out of bed without hiding in a cupboard unless you want to share it haha... those flappy little ears become very tuned to wrappers being opened.

RangerLady · 28/07/2019 06:09

Yes make a phone call without someone crying!
Focus on one task until it's done - I built furniture yesterday interrupted by amongst other things my 4yo having a hissy fit that the DVD she was watching had a.picture that didn't fill the screen (old kids tv programme)!

Pop out. In my case exercise or do my hobbies but I expect that to improve as the 1yo learns to sleep better.

And on the positive.... I can no longer.put up with any shit at work or people devaluing me, I don't have time for that crap so have become more assertive

mathanxiety · 28/07/2019 06:15
  • Finish a thought,
  • Finish a chore,
  • Sleep deeply (29 years of sleeping with one ear alert now)
  • Watch a horror movie or a movie involving cruelty, or children in dire situations, or documentaries along the same lines,
  • Enjoy silence - silence causes alarm bells to ring loudly in your brain,
  • Go anywhere away from home with your baby, toddler or small child without mentally assessing how much of a death trap it is,
  • If you have several children, you can't go anywhere with them without constantly doing a head count.
mathanxiety · 28/07/2019 06:16

And then there's the guilt.

MotherTime3 · 28/07/2019 06:16

we can’t now afford holidays, and with the behaviour of my toddler, it wouldn’t be relaxing.
We have limited childcare, so social life is non existent. One of us is usually at work, and the other has the kids.
Lie in. My kids wake anytime from 4am, and yes, we have tried everything.
Travel by foot, at a reasonable speed.

speakout · 28/07/2019 06:34

Work.

I had a jcareer that I loved, but involved sporadic hours and lots of travel. OH had a similar job, we had no family for childcare,

I thought the workplace was an grown up place regarding sex equality.
It is not.
I had to jack in my job.

Iwantedtrianglesnotsquares · 28/07/2019 06:35

Trampoline, sneeze, wee in peace. But seriously, some practical things such as long evenings out- mainly because I’m tired. And that was with 2 c sections

PinkFlowerFairy · 28/07/2019 06:47

I think most people who think life just carries on/you can do anything either have supportive family or money.

It is really really lifechanging without either!

timeforawine · 28/07/2019 06:48

Decided to go for a couple of drinks after work as have nursery pick up.
Can't think of anything else

boughtnotbrought · 28/07/2019 06:53

Sleep, judging by last night's evidence. DC (7) had a sleepover, still chatting and giggling at 1AM despite repeatedly being told to get to sleep. Then woken by DC (1) at 5:30, before realising DC (7) was actually awake and chatting then too! It's going to be a long day, I think we'll all be tired, emotional messes by 4PM!

But other than the loss of sleep, it's all jolly japes and fun Hmm just stay away from sleepovers Wink

herculepoirot2 · 28/07/2019 06:58

Very few things you can’t do anymore, but also nothing you can do without thinking about the child first.

Onemorecrisp · 28/07/2019 07:00
  • do a number 2 in peace
  • sleep
  • have a lazy day
  • have holidays ( some people do it but not relaxing with mine so don’t bother)
  • have a tidy house
  • spend the weekend mooching about, I can’t even go to Starbucks with toddlers they won’t sit still.
  • look my best - look like crap as every morning is a rush then just permanently exhausted / no time to focus on hair / Male up

Wish I enjoyed it more before hand!

MummyOfTwo92 · 28/07/2019 07:01

Sleep, go out when you want just you and DP, go to the toilet by your self, have 5 minutes of peace

NewAccount270219 · 28/07/2019 07:03

I think most people who think life just carries on/you can do anything either have supportive family or money.

I'm sure this is true - I have some of both and it absolutely makes life easier. I do think the biggest factor is whether you're co-parenting or not, and if so what they do, though. So many of these posts are written as if it's just inevitable that OP will do every nursery pick up and drop off, that any career damage will be hers, that it'll be unthinkable for her to leave her children in the care of their other parent while she does something. That might well be true - for all I know she's considering being a single mother by sperm donation - but for most people these things are choices they make.

Bourbonbiccy · 28/07/2019 07:08

Nipping, you can't just nip anywhere if you are alone with child, it's packing everything you need with you, if it's not nappies and wipes, it's snacks and drink lol

Weeing on your own, my son went through a phase of wanting to sit on my knee while I had a wee 😳

Putting yourself first, you will always consider them first.

Other then that, most thing possible if you have a kind and considerate partner to share it with.

QueenBeee · 28/07/2019 07:09

You can't spontaneously do what you want eg I think I'll lie and watch box sets today as I'm knackered/ unwell, I think I'll pop out to the garden and do a bit of weeding, I'll get started on stripping the wallpaper, I must phone x for a long (uninterrupted) chat, I'll pop out for a bottle of wine, I'll pop out for anything else, I'll have lunch in town etc etc etc

FilthyforFirth · 28/07/2019 07:12

Sleep in. I knew I would be sleep deprived but nothing really prepares you. I jave a 2 year old and am constantly absolutely exhausted.

You cannot decide to do something on a whim and that is hard to give up actually. Harder than I realised.

Bridget1983 · 28/07/2019 07:15

You can’t be asleep at this time on a Sunday morning! 🙄😴😴😴

SinkGirl · 28/07/2019 07:17

Yes, I remember the days of just popping out, grabbing your bag and going. Every time we leave the house is a military operation these days.

Not getting time to be ill is the worst. Throwing up in the toilet while simultaneously holding a puking toddler over the bath. Joy.

It’s the constant worry and guilt. I can never do a good enough job, I can’t ever relax even if they’re at nursery or with DH. It’s like something in my brain was activated and it’s never getting turned off. And for me, the constant worry about their future and whether they’ll ever be able to talk, live alone, have a happy life. It’s all consuming.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 28/07/2019 07:26

The only thing that's changed in my life Is that I can't do spontaneous nights out any more.

I've never liked lie ins, I've always been an early bird so that's not been a big shock.

We still go on holiday, been abroad 7 times over the past 3 years. It's a different sort of holiday but I don't feel restricted at all in that sense.

We still have lazy days, we're having one today as the weather is dreadful. Movies and snacks!

Admittedly though DS is 6 and it's easier now than the baby and toddler years. And I only have one child.

Beautiful3 · 28/07/2019 07:30

Have a lie in.....ever.

NewAccount270219 · 28/07/2019 07:35

Have a lie in.....ever.

Again, this is assuming you're a single parent. DH is having a lie in right now. I had one yesterday.

DesperateAbout · 28/07/2019 07:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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