To ask what you actually can't do after having children?

[BinkyBaa]

I'd like to have children in the next few years but I'm a serial worrier/over planner. I see lots of vague statements get thrown around on here about things like holidays and hobbies not being possible anymore after children.
Obviously I know life is different forever after having DCs but aibu to ask is there really anything children stop you doing ever again entirely?

So to answer the question... you can never, ever again fully relax

I wouldn't say there was anything I couldn't do anymore. Things just needed more planning to sort out childcare.

Back in the day, I could get a phonecall at 11pm/midnight about a house party. I'd get up have a shower and be ready to go.

I couldn't do that when I had kids, but I didn't want to. I was far too tired.

Sleep.

You will never be free from worry again.

You will never be able to put yourself first. Your child/children will always come first.

A lot of the changes are short term. Ds is 11 and we still can't go out on a whim without him and a lot of my life is arranged around ferrying him about. That said, we all have hobbies and social lives. We don't really miss out.

To all those mums who cannot poo alone... does vaginal birth somehow destroy the bathroom door locks?

I have never understood this not going to the toilet on your own thing. It’s the biggest exaggeration ever. Just go when they’re playing/ sleeping/ partner is watching them... I mean I thing maybe twice my 2 year old has been in the toilet with me at home.

Elfinaflower
Right with you there. Before DH and DC came along I was happy with wine for dinner, coffee for breakfast and a big Pret salad and crisps for lunch .
Bloody hate that every day we need milk, bread, cereal, lunch box stuff and a proper dinner . Jesus, if we run out of peanut butter the world has ended.

You can’t

Have sex whenever you feel like it
Have sex at any volume above 0
Have a decent amount of nights out
Get up whenever you want at the weekend
Leave the house whenever you feel like it

To all those mums who cannot poo alone... does vaginal birth somehow destroy the bathroom door locks?

It's not easy to pee when there's a hysterical toddler banging on the door. Also, DD worked out how to open the door from the other side when she was 2.

Life just changes. I go to the gym early morning now before my husband goes to work. We can't play badminton together anymore because we have no one to watch ds. Big deal.
Last night we had to leave a birthday party at seven to put him to bed. Not bothered.
We are still going on holiday, although as he gets older we'll do "kids friendly" ones that we wouldn't have chosen before.
Packing a bag for him before we go out is second nature now, so no big deal.
If you have a partner, they will be able to look after the child if you want a night out, and vice versa. Going out as a couple is obviously more tricky.
All in all, it isn't a huge deal. I wouldn't swap being a parent for anything.

Not much. It's the type of person you are and the way you fit a child into your life.
My child fitted into our lives, our life did not suddenly revolve around his.
I was a dancer so I took him with me, to classes, to rehearsals, to auditions ( and to nightclubs in his baby seat- it was a while a go!) He has been such a fixture he's been allowed in clubs all through his life much to his friends envy in early teenage years. He came to after show parties etc.
Th and lured to go to Grown up restaurants he came too, he learn to sit properly childrens menus or comics. He learnt what activities to entertain himself with alone creatively while i did stuff at home then we did stuff together. We went on holidays to non kiddie resort's. We did exactly what We did before. As school age kicked in we did adapt our lateness a bit as we were out at midnight on school nights- rolled it in to 10.45😁. I now have a much younger child and whilst I don't do so much anymore she does exactly what I do or i want to do. Thereis always a way.its finding a mindset that will work for you as to know what's important for you as a person and the life you want.

Spontaneity. Everything needs more planning.

Oh, and hangovers and babies/children really don't mix!

@Gogreen
That makes me sad that you feel you can't have the confidence to wear a bikini after kids💝
You can wear anything.

My sister is scarred all over her body. Her tummy is a mess from awful surgical scars which went wrong. If she can wear a bikini anyone can.

Go for a run,
travel for work
Have a night out
be intimate anywhere except the bedroom with the door shut AND one ear listening for little feet.
Do anything spontaneously
Go skiing in January

You'll never trust a cough/sneeze/laugh again!

For me as my baby is young:

See my favourite band play at Wembley next year
Go for a drive with my DH in our two seater convertible
Jump on a train at the last minute with the pram

I can no longer hear/read certain news stories without feeling massively affected. Having children definitely opened some sort of maternal door that was previously shut firmly and this seems to extend to any and all suffering children

Ditto for me.

And to add, that everything everyone has mentioned is temporary. Children grow up, leave home, life changes again........ and then if you are very lucky, gorgeous, adorable grandchildren burst into your life :)

I have no idea why people claim not to be able to use the toilet alone - nobody I know in RL has had any issue with this!

Holidays with young children are completely different.
I missed reading 6 books in a week on holiday, I barely managed one with a small child.

Smog I have a 14mo. What am I supposed to do with him whilst I’m on the loo when I am in sole charge? He has an uncontrollable urge to hurl himself off the nearest piece of furniture so can’t be left alone downstairs. And he wants me in his sight anyway so he follows me wherever I go (this is hardly unusual). If I put him in his cot (for example) he would get very upset and I would then have to calm him down - why on earth would I deliberately create that situation for myself. Far quicker and easier to just have him in with me. I don’t even really see it as a problem.

@BinkyBaa what are the most important things in your life youd like to try to maintain. I the most disorganised person on the planet. I did have parents to help sometimes and did have a babysitter sometimes too but quite honestly if I can do it anyone can. Things like taking a baby in the loo are minor months scheme of things. You can't leave a minibeast with a later pen running around while you lock yourself in the loo. What's there to hide anyway. You'll be teaching them pity training.vety useful. What do you want to continue? My said had her 3 kids skiing and water skiing by 3 years old as that's their thing. A friends child was cycling 5k by 3.5yrs which shocked me immensely. So whatsyour objective?

Said - DSis

Freedom gone!

Popping to the shops is a mission.

Silence gone.

Selfishness impossible.

I’ve had a week without mine at their dads. I miss them but it’s been amazing to experience pre-kid life again!! So chilled.