To ask what you actually can't do after having children?

[BinkyBaa]

I'd like to have children in the next few years but I'm a serial worrier/over planner. I see lots of vague statements get thrown around on here about things like holidays and hobbies not being possible anymore after children.
Obviously I know life is different forever after having DCs but aibu to ask is there really anything children stop you doing ever again entirely?

Going on a trampoline without having a wee first

Relax? I’m tense from the second one of mine wakes up until he finally decides to sleep.

Sleep
Drink your tea while it’s hot
Sit and eat lunch to yourself
Pee alone
Actually relax/rest on holiday
Quickly nip to the shops
Bath/shower alone

Honestly, nothing.

I do more now I have a child than I did before. We camp at about 2 or 3 festivals a year and do loads of road trips and days out.
I have done since he was tiny - he's 3 now. He comes everywhere I go and if he can't/I don't want him to, I get a babysitter.

The whole 'having a baby ends your life' thing is a load of crap. I'm always out doing things and my quality of life has improved so much since having him.

Yes, there are harder bits and I'm a single mum but on the whole, I find parenting fairly easy.

The whole 'having a baby ends your life' thing is a load of crap. I'm always out doing things and my quality of life has improved so much since having him
Really depends on the child doesn’t it? I suppose parenting is fairly easy if your child is NT, but you can’t plan for that. You don’t know what you’ll get.

You can do anything you want to after havj g children it just requires more planning. You either have to arrange for a partner or friend/relative/babysitter etc to watch the kids for you to be able to go do clubs and hobbies. I do all the things I did before just slightly less often because logistically I can't afford the childcare costs on top of some of the club costs as my husband works away a lot so the childcare is all me. But I still do hobbies and clubs and still go out with my friends and dates with my husband occasionally. I still have sex and drink alcohol etc. I even still go on trampolines and do cartwheels in the garden with the kids.

I really miss going to the pub after work on a Friday. Sounds silly but I REALLY miss it. That last hour of work sending the email finding out who's going then having a couple of pints and a few cigarettes. Best part of the week.
Doing anything spontaneous.
Nipping to the shop, takes ages to get out the door then tantrum in said shop because one or both of them wants a magazine.
Lazy hungover days with oh.
In fact I miss spending time with my oh in general.
As a few pps have said, you never switch off. Your brain is constantly running through stuff that needs doing, even when your not with your kids.
Going to the toilet in peace. One of them always needs you when you've gone to the loo.
Having long showers, shaving legs, painting nails, blow drying hair in peace. Now I'm constantly breaking up fights and checking the dc aren't causing chaos in the bedrooms.
I have dd5 and ds2. I had my dd at 21. I wouldn't change either of them for the world but I do wish I'd taken advantage of life before kids a lot more.

'I really miss going to the pub after work on a Friday'

@golddustwomen Yes, but you'll be able to do all that again, in your 30s and 40s

Things I can't do;

Use an electric tooth brush without wetting myself.
Go to the loo in peace.
Have a lie in.
See the bottom of the washing basket.
Go out of the house in the blink of an eye without 2 bags and a buggy.
As a musician I have had to cut back on the number of commitments I make but I was prepared to do this as I need to work full time.

Definitely miss going to the pub on a friday after work (and I'm almost 41 so its going to be a loooonnnnnnggggg time before I get to do this again!)

Miss quiet flights with a G&T - now we've got a 10 month old wriggling all over us, constantly banging the seat in front (we try and stop this but it's hard when there's barely any room!) and having to watch Peppa Pig instead of read a book!

Can't just spontaneously head out for dinner of an evening as bedtime routine starts at 5. We do take him out with us when away but when home we try to stick to routine given we both have to work the next day.

Not being able to go to some restaurants as they won't allow kids - our favourite one in particular.

Being friends with childless people. Understandably, they prefer their own kind, people they can have long, interesting, uninterrupted conversations with.😁

You can never lie on a sunbed on holiday and read and have a lovely sleep.

You can never have dinner late.

Have a good nights sleep.

Eat out and relax.

I had 4 children and managed to go to the loo on my time most of the time.

I miss being spontaneous.

only thing i can't really do any more is cinema. that will change when my toddler is old enough to sit through a film. she would currently get bored after 10 mins though and find it too dark/loud i think.

i can jump on a trampoline no problem, and i can have as much sleep as i want but my baby is a good sleeper, some people aren't so lucky on that front.

oh i suppose your finanical situation changes too due to childcare.

*financial.

Can't leave the house without running back in a few times grabbing things you forgot.

Getting up late, lying in, sleeping properly, sleeping, doing anything on the spur of the moment, impromptu break away, getting hammered, catch up binge watching your fave telly that you don't get to watch because your time is not your own, having a long undisturbed candle lit soak in the bath, having a bath alone, using the bathroom alone, eating crap food, cooking all day, having beautiful fragile breakable things, having a house full of plants, going to classes, taking th day off to play the latest game release (which you pre-ordered to arrive day of said release) on you're preferred console, tsking a duvet day, disappearing without telling anybody, being off grid for a few days, staying out all night, getting in the car with passport and a few bits and deciding where you're going when you get there, only having to think for yourself.

Basically, everything changes as you always have to factor them in - even if they're not with you /part of the plan etc. Your life is no longer yours.

And its wonderful. Wish I'd done it way sooner

It depends. If you have a full time nanny then nothing I suppose. For us it’s meant we can’t spend all day in bed or take as many holidays during term time/keep moving around like we used to. Once the children are old enough for boarding it will be less of an issue. Once they leave home it won’t be an issue at all. It’s all pretty temporary.

Watch TV that doesn't have Paw Patrol, Blaze or Peppa Pig on it.,before bed time.

Mine are 5 & 7 now so the baby days are a long past memory. It's much easier now and my life has altered so much that I feel odd if they're not with me for any reason it's hard work but well worth it.

You can’t book a 2 week holiday where you can lie on the beach and read a book during the day and have long leisurely evening meals followed by drinking and dancing till morning. Kids make you do things during the day, they get bored in restaurants and they get up really early.

Get peace and quiet
Let your hair down and party
Think straight
Freedom

They're worth it though.

And you can’t eat chocolate or crisps all by yourself. No matter where they are in the house or how quietly you eat THEY HEAR YOU

Keep yourself looking presentable, the house clean and tidy, the children occupies and maintain your work from home job. I've found I can successfully manage two of these things in a given day. One of them obviously has to be the DC, the other alternates between the house and the business while I try and grab a minute to brush my teeth, scrape my hair back and comb talc through my fringe to get another day out of it before I wash it. I've managed 1 haircut in the 3.5 years since I had DS. I've never managed to go anywhere further than the corner shop on the end of the road in that time either. Yesterday I gave the DC a cereal bar and a jelly pot, and stuck them in front of Hey Duggee, fastened myself between two baby gates, and ate my Weetabix on the stairs so I could have two minutes where there wasn't somebody grabbing at me/my food and demanding my attention. Currently trying to ignore the skin crawling feeling that feeding DD is giving me, and pretending I haven't seen DS emptying off the DVDs as I CBA to deal with it. Sometimes motherhood sucks arse!

(Disclaimer: I love my DC, I'm just having a hard day).

Flexibility.

Spontaneity.
Spare cash.

Otherwise it’s absolutely fine....