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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Call me Robert

168 replies

Ashotatthis · 27/07/2019 20:56

Evening

This will sound petty but it’s really bugging me. I have gone back to work after a career break. I have done the big corporate jobs and I was really looking for something entrepreneurial where I can make a real impact.

I work in a specialised area and I’m one of the top people in my field. I am unclear if my new employer is fully aware of my credentials... all he would have to do is google my name.

At my interview I was introduced to the director as Robert. On my first day at work everyone was referring to the director as Rob so I asked him “Is it Robert or Rob?” and his reply was “Rob is for friends and after work. I’m Robert.” OK, happy with this.

I speak with him 1-to-1 probably more than more than most. He praises my work. We get along great.

We’ve had the odd personal questions here and there. I don’t like to talk about my personal life at work out of choice. I also think it’s hypocritical asking me to full name him and then asking me personal questions.

My issue is that everyone else calls him Rob. In meetings, I’m literally the only person having to full name him.

I don’t know why I’m being singled out. I don’t want to make an issue out of it. Why would you ask just one person to call you by a different name?

OP posts:
SauvignonBlanche · 28/07/2019 15:35

He sounds more like a Dick than a Robert.

Geminijes · 28/07/2019 15:39

Why not ask him why he wants you to call him Robert but other people call him Rob and he signs his e mails Rob?

Surely, that is the obvious thing to do.

SmellbowSpaceBowl · 28/07/2019 16:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

handmaidssnail · 28/07/2019 16:40

@TheCanyon

Ahahahaha reminds me of Still Game

1forAll74 · 28/07/2019 16:49

Yes, just call him ROB, and see what transpires from there.
It's just a name. and a nice one at that, My son is a Robert, but everyone calls him Rob, all except me, which is no help to you at all, ha ha

Original poster
Ashotatthis · 28/07/2019 17:02

@SauvignonBlanche Grin

I’m painting a terrible picture but he is a normal person apart from the whole Robert thing. He literally just makes me call him by a different name than the rest of the team does.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ashotatthis · 28/07/2019 17:23

@SmellbowSpaceBowl really nothing important... he basically wanted to know what my husband did for a living.

OP posts:
BustedDreams · 28/07/2019 17:31

@SushiTime 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Robalongadingdong 🤣🤣🤣🤣

ALittleBitAlexis · 28/07/2019 17:38

Could his request to call him Robert have been a joke just that didn't land? If his work email is Rob it makes no sense at all, otherwise.

OutwiththeOutCrowd · 28/07/2019 17:50

I think Call-me-Robert fancies you, whether you realise it or not. Slightly distancing himself is a classic 'treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen' tactic. He's got that masterful play-it-cool thing going on plus he wants to know where he is on the socio-economic ladder relative to your husband.

Isleepinahedgefund · 28/07/2019 18:03

I reckon he’s thinking “oh why did I say that, now I have to sign myself off as Robert on all her emails!”. Either that or no one has ever asked his preference, although his email being rob@ indicates that he IS a “Rob”.

I had a very involved Rob/Robert/Bob conversation with a Rob the other day. He couldn’t work out when he became a “Rob”. It was a bit like a counselling session actually. “Robbie” was never considered - I might try it out and see what he thinks.

Isleepinahedgefund · 28/07/2019 18:05

And then next week I’ll try out Robalongadingdong 😂

lololove · 28/07/2019 18:21

My brother has the opposite of this within the family. Everyone (and I mean everyone, even in his wedding vows) calls him Rob (not his name but same sort of idea) and the family call him Robert.

I cannot call him" Rob" , it feels wrong Grin. "Robert" slips out even when I think about calling him "Rob".

Is it is a company where everyone works there for a long time and has bonded? Is it all boys club like if you're the only female? Have you been on a night out with them and tried Rob there? :)

PooWillyBumBum · 28/07/2019 18:27

My husbands name is Alasdair. People at work (incl. those who work for him) have started calling him Al, which he kind of hates but now everyone does it he lets it go. No one in his personal life has ever called him Al.

Maybe Robert hates being Rob at work and is trying to rectify it by telling all new starters he is in fact Robert?!

EBearhug · 28/07/2019 19:17

I went out with an Andy who was Andrew at work and to his parents. I phned him there over Christmas one year, and when I asked for Andy, his sister told me I had the wrong number! Obviously it was the days before mobile phones.

I had a manager who was very much a Robert rather than a Rob (name changed.) If anyone referred to Rob, I thought they were talking about someone else. Then an internal reorg meant Dave joined his team, so he asked if he preferred being Dave or David, so after nearly 20 years, everyone's trying to get used to remember to call him David, which means it often comes out as Dave...id. His e-mail is still Dave. I think he's a bit embarrassed about it, as our Robert has made a big fuss about it, and Dave will be fine with pretty much any variation as long as it's not Gitface or something.

On balance, I would call him Robert, but have a word to say that with everyone else calling him Rob, it makes you feel singled out and not part of the team - especially if you are the only woman.

Trebla · 28/07/2019 19:21

I think you are the only one who asked and he probably would prefer the others to call him Robert too. Itll either wear off or work in your favour. Its just a name.

Branster · 28/07/2019 23:52

OutwiththeOutCrowd you might be onto something here! Grin

Actually it’s quite rude of Bobby to ask what your DH does for a living.

Ayemama · 29/07/2019 00:20

Just call him Rabby.
Extra points for working in Rabby burns reverence's such as timmerouse beastie, great chieftain of the budding race, take a cup of kindness and so on and so forth.
He'd soon agree to Rob if done correctly.

Original poster
Ashotatthis · 29/07/2019 05:29

Sorry if some of you have missed a key part... Rob is Rob to everyone apart from me. All the staff know him as Rob, our customers know him as Rob, his email is Rob@company name, his business card is Rob XX, in the internal directory he is Rob XX.

I’ve been there for just under 6 months. This is outing but I don’t think any of the staff would be on mumsnet.

I’ve called him “Robert” in team meetings, in our one to ones etc. He never said “it’s ok to call me Rob now”. He signs off his emails to be as Robert.

@Branster & @OutwiththeOutCrowd if that’s the case then he’s going completely the wrong way about it. Hmm If anything, I think he is trying to keep a distance with the whole name thing.

OP posts:
Ohyesiam · 29/07/2019 05:47

Call her m Bob , but in a Blackadder voice.

twattymctwatterson · 29/07/2019 06:45

I actually think it IS relevant that you're top of your field here op (and doesn't everyone just hate it when a woman clearly states her own worth) because he's trying to put you in your place.

Maybe he does fancy you or maybe he's just an old fashioned sexist but he's not happy that you're top of your field and he wants to assert his seniority.

OneThreadOnly0101 · 29/07/2019 06:56

I'd just start calling him Rob 🤷‍♀️

CrumpetyTea · 29/07/2019 07:06

What does he sign off on group emails - eg to people other than you?

longwayoff · 29/07/2019 07:10

GrinGrinGrin so pleased I no longer work every day dealing with questions like this.

IsobelRae23 · 29/07/2019 07:25

I used to work with a Deborah- she hated being called Deb, Debbie. After a while she gave up telling certain people, whether they didn’t listen or thought it funny, but they’d walk away and she would have that ‘look of annoyance on her face’. So don’t take it personally, he may love you for it!!