Call me Robert

[Ashotatthis]

Evening

This will sound petty but it’s really bugging me. I have gone back to work after a career break. I have done the big corporate jobs and I was really looking for something entrepreneurial where I can make a real impact.

I work in a specialised area and I’m one of the top people in my field. I am unclear if my new employer is fully aware of my credentials... all he would have to do is google my name.

At my interview I was introduced to the director as Robert. On my first day at work everyone was referring to the director as Rob so I asked him “Is it Robert or Rob?” and his reply was “Rob is for friends and after work. I’m Robert.” OK, happy with this.

I speak with him 1-to-1 probably more than more than most. He praises my work. We get along great.

We’ve had the odd personal questions here and there. I don’t like to talk about my personal life at work out of choice. I also think it’s hypocritical asking me to full name him and then asking me personal questions.

My issue is that everyone else calls him Rob. In meetings, I’m literally the only person having to full name him.

I don’t know why I’m being singled out. I don’t want to make an issue out of it. Why would you ask just one person to call you by a different name?

It might be that someone called him Rob, the others picked it up and "Rob" spread around the office, even though he really would prefer to be called "Robert". You were the only person who actually asked him, so he told you what he preferred.

I have a similar situation with my name at work. I have my preferred version, but a lot of people call me by another version, more or less by default. It isn't a big enough deal to me that I can be bothered correcting them.

How, pray, did you reach the top of your field by using “full name” as a verb?

Clearly the others didn’t actually check with him first what his preference was, or they’d probably have had the same answer as you. It’s hard once someone calls you by a shortened name to correct them without sounding arsey, but you gave him the opportunity to let you know right at the start.

You were introduced to Robert. He told you it was Robert. Now you question why you call him Robert and not Rob? Him stating friends and social settings are ok calling him Rob, is him saying at work he is Robert (your boss), not friend, but if you were in a social setting then Rob is just fine. There's nothing to overthink.

Weird! I think I'd have to ask him about it and say that it is confusing other people and was he being serious. Keep it light and let the absurdity of it just hang there.. hopefully it will turn out to be a joke that went wrong rather than any kind of mind game. If it wasn't for the email name and sign-offs that he presumably chooses himself, then I could accept the preference argument but its all a bit odd. Really hope he's not being a sexist dick OP.

But why did you ask him in the first place if everyone calls him Rob and his email is Rob?

He’d definitely be getting called Boblet or BobbyBoBo by me. Either that or I’d just ask him what he thinks about everybody else calling him rob.

He'd be on really dodgy grounds if you said, "Hey, how come the men can call you Rob but I can't?" after what he said about being Rob for friends.

Bobble hat?

Does anyone read posts-she said he signs off emails as robert and everyone else at work yes work as rob-he clearly has something against op-maybe threatened by her

I am LITERALLY the only person he asked to full name him.

But that's not what happened, is it? You asked him what he preferred to be called and he told you. It's likely that nobody else had the courtesy to check with him. He didn't single you out in a meeting and insist that you call him by a different name to everybody else.

Why don't you refer to him as Rob when he isn't present and you are talking to other people, and Robert to his face?

This seems like a very sensible solution.

He's BU but you should never have asked, OP.

You call him what everyone else calls him. You were too deferential and he took you up on it.

He knows your credentials and is enjoying you being deferential.

Start calling him Rob before you lose everyone's respect. No questions, no permission. After all, you're not shortening Richard to Dick.

He might fancy you and prefer you calling him his proper name rather than a pet name like the rest 😉

He probably finds you too full of your self- as posters here do.

Haven't you got anything more important to worry about, being so significant in your field and coming top of every Google search?

Keep calling him Robert and tell him he may now drop the HRH when he addresses you.

And maybe take a people skills course yourself, and try to talk down to people a lot less.

I'd get around it by just calling him "boss" all the time. Or "Rob-ert..." in a really awkward way that draws attention to the fact that you're using more of his name than everyone else. I would absolutely not be using his full name when he wasn't present.

Call him 'Bibbitybobbityboo'?

My DP has this - shortened name for friends & family, full name for anything professional. So people who knew him years before I did still called him by his full name until I pitched up and referred to him as 'short name' (we sometimes work together). The scramble amongst them to then use his shortened name to prove they were mates, not just colleagues entertained us both

People call me by my nickname and I hate it, if someone asked me what I prefer to be called I’d tell them the long version, but if people called me by the nickname I wouldn’t correct them. Maybe that’s what happened

Don't make a thing of it, just call him what he's asked you to call him. Not worth your time spent analysing it.

If someone says "Do you mean Rob X?"
perhaps you could say "I thought he prefers to be called Robert?" at least others will know you're calling him what you've been told to...

He asked you to call him Robert so do the courtesy of doing so.

@IamtheOA eeekkk... (sigh) I think so... is it really terrible of me to think so?

A lot of people I work with shorten my name but I've never introduced myself as anything other than my full first name. I was brought up with my full first name and no one close to me ever calls me anything other than the long version.

I just don't see the point in correcting them.

People call me by my nickname and I hate it

I simply cannot understand why you wouldn’t say something. People shorten my name quite a lot and I always, always correct them. Would drive me mental if I didn’t.