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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Call me Robert

168 replies

Ashotatthis · 27/07/2019 20:56

Evening

This will sound petty but it’s really bugging me. I have gone back to work after a career break. I have done the big corporate jobs and I was really looking for something entrepreneurial where I can make a real impact.

I work in a specialised area and I’m one of the top people in my field. I am unclear if my new employer is fully aware of my credentials... all he would have to do is google my name.

At my interview I was introduced to the director as Robert. On my first day at work everyone was referring to the director as Rob so I asked him “Is it Robert or Rob?” and his reply was “Rob is for friends and after work. I’m Robert.” OK, happy with this.

I speak with him 1-to-1 probably more than more than most. He praises my work. We get along great.

We’ve had the odd personal questions here and there. I don’t like to talk about my personal life at work out of choice. I also think it’s hypocritical asking me to full name him and then asking me personal questions.

My issue is that everyone else calls him Rob. In meetings, I’m literally the only person having to full name him.

I don’t know why I’m being singled out. I don’t want to make an issue out of it. Why would you ask just one person to call you by a different name?

OP posts:
Original poster
Ashotatthis · 27/07/2019 23:20

@Crunchymum it’s Rob EVERYWHERE... group emails are also Rob. It’s Robert just in our one to ones...

I actually use his name in conversation hoping he would say “oh call me Rob” but no... he wants me to call him Robert.

OP posts:
Branster · 27/07/2019 23:23
  1. You asked and he told you. It could be that nobody else asked him this question so they don’t know.
  2. You are the new guy so, depending on how small his dick is, he will try an establish himself as the clear boss
  3. Very likely he knows of your specialism but it may not be relevant to his current projects. Or he is jealous of your knowledge so, again, he is trying to establish himself as the clear boss by keeping you in your place
  4. You are probably reading too much into this. Just call him Bobby and be done with it. You will know exactly where you stand by his reaction.

On a serious note, my DH has a particular specialism and well regarded within his industry which, although contributed to him getting a job, it was not the main reason for it and he is convinced some senior people have no idea about his background. That is because higher people than him who manage projects are mostly management material, not necessarily specialists. Consequently during some meetings they make inaccurate statements about his specialism, he corrects but never tells them ‘I Ran the study and wrote the bloody rules about this very subject’ which I think he should say more often but he thinks they should know. Anyway the subject is tangential to his current work at present so not much of an issue now. Your case sounds similar and I think it’s wrong of people to say you are big headed.
Call him Rob by accident once, apologise and see if he insists on you calling him Robert again. But seriously, you should try and ignore the being singled out perception. It doesn’t matter in the greater scheme of things. Enjoy your new job!

SmellbowSpaceBowl · 27/07/2019 23:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Beestripey · 27/07/2019 23:31

Call him Rob by accident once, apologise and see if he insists on you calling him Robert again.

Until you know the reason, I would not be apologising about it at all. If its a power thing, that would be just what he wants. Better to stop using his name at all until you have worked out the truth and had a word.

Howmanysleepstilchristmas · 27/07/2019 23:33

I have a 3 syllable name. I only ever use the 1 syllable shortened version. If anyone asked me I’d tell them I only use that version, but plenty of people have chosen to call me by the longer version. It feels uncomfortable, but I’d never correct them as I wouldn’t want them to feel uncomfortable. Maybe this is similar, but reversed, and other people haven’t asked his preference/ have copied what they hear others say (as you want to). I’d carry on using his chosen name. No need to take offence!

RodGallowglass · 27/07/2019 23:36

I know work with a guy who was called "Bill" by virtually everyone in the office. He hated it, but would not for some reason correct them. The few who knew him well (or who like you could be bothered to ask) called him "William". I think your guy is in the same position. He won't correct those who call him Rob but he's privately grateful to those who call him by his proper name.

DianaT1969 · 27/07/2019 23:47

Call him RobbieMcBoatface

OVienna · 27/07/2019 23:50

I'm wondering if he fancies you a bit and this is his idea of you giving him a 'pet' name.

My DH shares the same name as the Queen's second son. Everyone at work shortens the name. He answers to it, signs off emails, calls himself it. No one else ever has done this. I asked him tonight why he never corrected anyone initially. He said he just felt it was better to go along with it.

ConfusedHmm

So weird to me. Except 'Rob' said his friends and family do use it.

Honestly I think it's a wind up.

OVienna · 27/07/2019 23:52

I was about to say maybe Rob fell unto the situation my DH is in but tried to clarify that it's not the same because he does in fact use the shortened version with 'intimates.'

SexFarmWoman · 27/07/2019 23:56

There’s a bloke at work who answers every call with ‘hello Stephen?’

He signs off every email with Regards, Stephen.

Everyone, and I mean everyone, calls him Steve. So he’s Steve.

SignOnTheWindow · 28/07/2019 00:00

Next time he asks a personal question, reply, "That information is for friends and after work."

autumndreaming · 28/07/2019 00:03

I think he either meant it as a joke in the beginning or because he didn't know you yet. Now you're continuing to call him Robert so he continues to sign his emails off as Robert.

Just stop overthinking it and start calling him Rob like everyone else!

Andysbestadventure · 28/07/2019 00:09

Just call him Rob. If he corrects you, ask him if it annoys him everyone else calls him Rob.

NuttyOrNice · 28/07/2019 00:15

Just call him Robert and don't worry about it. It literally did t matter. As lots of people have already said you asked what he likes to be called and he told you. I don't think you have been singled out at all.

NuttyOrNice · 28/07/2019 00:16

Doesn't*

Tillygetsit · 28/07/2019 01:12

I had a boss once who told me, completely out of the blue, that he only made FB friends with people he'd invite to dinner and he would never invite me. I'm proud to say that mouth overtook brain and I shot back "Why? Are you afraid I'd eat it all?"
It shut him up and I was the hero of the office for a week.

Grumpyunleashed · 28/07/2019 03:16

You say in your opening remarks -
We’ve had the odd personal questions here and there. I don’t like to talk about my personal life at work out of choice. I also think it’s hypocritical asking me to full name him and then asking me personal questions.
Many people would disagree with you, an open balanced conversation can build trust and friendship. You have clearly knocked him back, shutting him down and made it clear you do not want to be friends. Therefore your own actions have not earned the trust he gives to others including the right to call him what you want. Not what he, as the boss, wants.
If you want trust you have to show trust. You imply the potential is there to be taken, you have also said you have a good working relationship with him.
Therefore is seems to me your fate is in your own hands. You appear to want friends privileges without behaving like a work friend. You have set a boundary and seem to think you as the junior employee have the power to make him let you in without reciprocating.
I would think very carefully about how far you go in seeking the rights to call Robert Bob without moving your relationship as colleagues forward.

wibbletooth · 28/07/2019 07:44

I think you mentioned others are beginning to notice.
Wait until one does and say that’s a very good question. I have no idea either - other than he told me Robert. You’ll have to ask him and find out for me!

Also how big is the company? I’d it the sort of place with an effective HR? Might be worth having a little chat with them - nothing formal to start with, just in case something happens where it’s the start of a situation where you get treated badly as a result of being the only woman there...

Piglet89 · 28/07/2019 07:48

@Warpdrive LOLZ! 😂🤣

Original poster
Ashotatthis · 28/07/2019 08:18

@Branster this is exactly my situation. Wink

OP posts:
Original poster
Ashotatthis · 28/07/2019 08:21

@OVienna no, we are both happily married. And I can think of so many pet names other than Robert. Lol!

OP posts:
Original poster
Ashotatthis · 28/07/2019 08:26

@Grumpyunleashed I never thought of it this way. I’m just not good with talking about my personal life. He asked about my husband!

Maybe I would have been more chatty if he had asked me about myself.

Point taken though... maybe I need to be more friendly & approachable. Hmm

OP posts:
shockthemonkey · 28/07/2019 08:39

I’m not sure you’ve said how long you’ve been there. This might be a factor to consider.

For those who are saying maybe he’d prefer everyone to use his full name, he signs off as “Rob” on all emails except for those addressed to OP.

OP I think you may be better off rising above it all - try to stop caring. Easily said I know, as it would annoy me too, to be singled out like that.

sonjadog · 28/07/2019 09:09

Have you told him you don’t want any personal questions? If so that might explain it. You wanted very formal and that’s what you’ve got.

GabsAlot · 28/07/2019 11:44

Oh ffs he signs off emails as rob to others people its not about correcting them he spcifically only tells op to call him robert and everyone else rob