Call me Robert

[Ashotatthis]

Evening

This will sound petty but it’s really bugging me. I have gone back to work after a career break. I have done the big corporate jobs and I was really looking for something entrepreneurial where I can make a real impact.

I work in a specialised area and I’m one of the top people in my field. I am unclear if my new employer is fully aware of my credentials... all he would have to do is google my name.

At my interview I was introduced to the director as Robert. On my first day at work everyone was referring to the director as Rob so I asked him “Is it Robert or Rob?” and his reply was “Rob is for friends and after work. I’m Robert.” OK, happy with this.

I speak with him 1-to-1 probably more than more than most. He praises my work. We get along great.

We’ve had the odd personal questions here and there. I don’t like to talk about my personal life at work out of choice. I also think it’s hypocritical asking me to full name him and then asking me personal questions.

My issue is that everyone else calls him Rob. In meetings, I’m literally the only person having to full name him.

I don’t know why I’m being singled out. I don’t want to make an issue out of it. Why would you ask just one person to call you by a different name?

@Piglet89 that’s funny... never thought of this. I can’t really think of an alternative either. I am top in my field though... which you may guess is not English language!!!

Hold one of his emails next time you’re addressing him as Rob, and if he pulls you up on it, say “sorry, confused as your email to me is signed off as Rob”

He’s a knob anyway, go with that... just call it rhyming slang

Haha you don’t take yourself too seriously, OP. Fair play! 😀

@Beestripey he chose the sign off & emails himself. Hope he’s not sexist. That would just be sad.

At my interview I was introduced to the director as Robert. On my first day at work everyone was referring to the director as Rob so I asked him “Is it Robert or Rob?” and his reply was “Rob is for friends and after work. I’m Robert.”

You asked him this on day one - where you aren't his friend or been out after work, so you aren't being singled out.

*use group email not one addressed personally to you

Or call him Sir lol

You sounds bit arrogant tbh. Your credentials are nothing to do with what you call him, or what you think you should be entitled to call him.

However, the situation does sound bizarre, and he sounds a bit strange! Unfortunately though, you have asked him what you should call him, and so you’ll have to go with Robert until he tells you to call him Rob.

For future ref though, it would be easier to just call people what everyone else calls them, even if they don’t like it but are too awkward to say anything!

@HollowTalk

@SagAloojah I think he enjoys it... pisses me off though

Sounds to me that he's putting you in your place.

I’m with Team ‘address it honestly’. I’d tack it onto my next interaction one on one. ‘Sorry, been meaning to confirm, I notice you go by ‘Rob’ around here, but I’m right in saying you prefer ‘Robert’, right?

If he perseveres with the ‘YOU can call me Robert’ thing, I’d add (sympathetically) ‘oh it’s awful, isn’t it, when people assume you prefer a nickname, or just randomly choose one themselves for a colleague. My cousin gets that at his work too. Don’t worry, happy to help, I’ll spread the word, it’s Robert.’

But then I’m bolshy like that.

I just don’t like being singled out.

And yet you took the time to tell us you are the to in your field. I suspect we’re not the only ones you say this to.

He’s asked you to call him Robert, you are a new employee to him, so call him Robert. The others might all be his friends. Or they’ve been doing it and he hates it but is too embarrassed to correct them. Nice drip about his email sign off but I get the feeling you want to make this all about you and some weird vendetta he apparently has against you. I’d suggest you don’t over think it and concentrate on being “top of your field”

At a guess he's aware of your credentials and feels threatened.

You shouldn't have asked if you didn't intend to respect his preference. Make a point of never calling him Rob until he asks you.

It would be sad OP. but not surprising. I'm cynical realistic and seen this kind of thing as a power play before from men so not a huge amount of hope, but you never know. Some people have a rubbish sense of humour or are just plain awkward. You aren't irrational to feel that it is pushing your buttons re respect and competence etc.

but I think you need to find a way to put a stop to it pronto as whatever he means by it, it will affect how others see you and your place in the group/ and the company. It could even be seen as bullying. Or it is bullying.

I wouldn't be asking his permission though, more like are you really going to stop me? Don't be so silly Rob. And carry on. Even if it is his genuine preference, that ship has long sailed. If he's decent he'll see that singly you out for any reason is not on and let it go.

@Skittlesandbeer I like the part about spreading the word that he prefers Robert. Haha

I think i would start with calling him Roberto - (occasionally slipping in a Roberta here and there for fun). Then work towards dropping the first and last syllables here and there until you're just using Bert...
Then gradually extend that to Bertie, then Bertie Bassett and then eventually just drop the Bertie and use Bassett. Then introduce the nickname Bassett Hound - and then just drop the Bassett bit and stick with the Hound.

He'll love it.

Hmm . . . DH has a name like Robert which people often condense to Rob and he doesn't like it AT ALL.

If someone had the sensitivity to ask "Do you prefer Rob or Robert?" he would make a similar reply but be eternally grateful to the person who called him Robert as a result, having picked up that Robert is the name he wants to be called.

(Sorry to make this response about DH but I have a not-obviously-shortenable name)

He has rob@ as his email, and signs off Rob to everyone but you? And has asked you and only you to call him Robert? And you’re the only woman there?

Sounds like a full on power play. No wonder it’s bugging you. What a dick.

BalloonSlayer but does your DH have the short form of his name as his email address, and does he sign off his emails as that shortened form?

What a fuss over what is really a very ordinary name.

I would be tempted to ask him "what was your name, I forgot" or "hi there Bobby" just to annoy him... but there again I do not have to work with him so you just have to deal with it as you see fit.

You could always address him as Bert or Bertie....or Dirty Bertie no ?

What about "hey you"

Think yourself lucky you don't work in Jacob Rees Mogg's office- the you'd have to refer to him as Robert Bloggs Esquire, M.D.

On a serious note, perhaps the reason he praises your work and gets along with you is that you took the trouble to ask his preferences, and he likes the attention to detail. Though that wouldn't explain his email sign-off, to be fair.

You say you have a good working relationship? So ask him?

How does he sign off group emails?

What about emails to you (from Robert) that then get cc'd to others? Does he change to Rob? And vice versa.... does he revert to Robert once you are cc'd in to an email.

We ping off about 500 internal emails a day (and have an internal IM system) and it very rarely stays an email from Crunchy to colleague... other people and even departments are copied in.

Just start calling him ‘whats his name’

OP you obviously can't call him Rob as you are not in possession of a penis and therefore not in the boys club.

He is very firmly putting you in your place.

Beneath him and the rest of his crew.