Should these people go home!!

[Lou780]

I have made a trip to London for weekend..to see dh.. marriage is on rocks and we haven't seen each other for weeks. He has new flat in London as works there during week and normally comes home at weekend. Not for few weeks though for various reasons. So here iam..we go for lunch with a friend of his and his new wife..youngcouple only 28. We are 45. Ok I think..lunch will be fine. But that was 1pm and they are STILL here!!..I have come through to bedroom and can hear them cackling and putting loud music on Alexa and drinking. Iam so fed up. Do much for spending time with dh. They will not take hi t..I have asked them to lower music as I have a headache. I then went in and asked if o could put TV on..dh obliged but they kept talking loudly about first date first time they had sex going into detail..I have up and came back onto bedroom. I have nothing in common with young wife she is not interested in talking to me ..I tried o we lunch. But she is loving holding court in living room right now..so is dh. Iam crying in bed room.

Horrible for you @Lou780

I agree with pps the your husband has checked out of the marriage for good

Hope you're ok OP and that you went quiet because they left and you were able to spend time with your husband. If not, frank discussion before your train today about what he/you want going forward

He has checked out of the marriage. The fact that you came up to spend time with him because things are bad between you.....and he decided to invite a couple for lunch......that tells you where his thoughts are. He doesn't want to be alone with you and he needed a shield . Hence the other couple . Time to see a lawyer OP.

I don't think they are overstaying DHs welcome. Sounds like he's now used to living on his own in the flat and you are the unwelcome guest. They dont need to take the hint, he does. You cant keep going out and suggesting (passively or otherwise) that they should leave. You'll be the party pooper and you DH doesn't want the party to end.

You're the only person that's not enjoying themselves. Leave them to it. You must feel unwelcome.

Wonder how OP is today?💕

Of course they should but they are insensitive and unkind.That's a very hurtful and embarrassing situation for you.

Watch poldark and depart as planned.

Then think about what you want for your future.

If you want to stay together then marriage counselling could help to improve communication.

What a crappy weekend for you.

Guessing from the radio silence that this did not end well. Hope you're OK though OP.

So sorry to read this OP.

I’m not sure if this is helpful but this is what my exH used to do at the end of our marriage. Every weekend we’d have people over constantly, it was like he was terrified of being on his own with me.

I used to host them, it was nice having company sometimes, but I’d always end up heading off to bed at 1-2am while they would stay up drinking until 6am.

Is this a one off? If so I hope you are having a nice breakfast together today.

Anyway, I’m guessing that I’m saying this as I wish I had woken up to the signs a little earlier. I think what you should do depends on how responsive your DH is to trying to improve things.

To all those people calling OP an old fuddy Duddy (or eeyore, seriously??) for wanting pjs and poldark at 8pm. After several hours of being ignored and made to feel like shit I’d want that comfort too, I’d probably also add a cup of tea and a box of chocolate. I certainly wouldn’t have been in the mood to be the social butterfly.

I hope things got better for you last night.

@Lou780 I hope you are alright. Please let us know what happened

Hope you’re ok

Hope you went to a travel lodge/enjoyed Poldark and are on your way home now. I think it's time to organise your finances and see the best solicitor you can afford. After 4 weeks without coming home your dh would rather spend the day with his friends than you then he has checked out and you should too.

Who knows what DH wants from this? You should, most definitely, leave right now, picking up your self respect on the way out. Its over, start. Rebuilding your life. Good luck.

Sounds like he's having fun times with friends instead of sitting their with you processing misery.

Op - please don't feel pressured to come back onto the thread to satisfy those here just desperate to hear how awful everything is for you. Nor should you listen to those saying your marriage is over and that your DH has definitely checked out of the marriage. No one has any idea based on this snapshot - only you do. But again, Mumsnet loves telling people to just walk out and leave, like they have perfect DHs and marriages.

Hopefully you can have a nice morning. Good luck

To all those people calling OP an old fuddy Duddy (or eeyore, seriously??) for wanting pjs and poldark at 8pm. After several hours of being ignored and made to feel like shit I’d want that comfort too, I’d probably also add a cup of tea and a box of chocolate. I certainly wouldn’t have been in the mood to be the social butterfly.

I think people were saying how she may come across to the couple rather than that’s how she actually is.

Really hope OP is ok, and managed to resolve a few things before heading home on the train.

Hopefully she's drawn on some of the advice on here from those who experienced similar tactics from partners at the end if relationships.

Also, reassurance that this was not normal behaviour and she was NBU for wanting these people to go home.

People do get invested in threads when they are concerned about a poster, trying to support them and give them strength do to what they need and it is only natural to wonder how the are and what happened in the end.

I think it is unfair to accuse people of looking for misery/LTB. I'd love to hear that OP ended up having a nice evening/morning and her husband has promised not to invite friends when she visits.

I too hope they went and OP managed to have some time alone with DH and got some things sorted,

From what you say your DH diesnt want to have that conversation just now. There it is. Very sorry.

Sounds like an awful weekend - hope you got to talk to DP properly.

OP... say it to them like it is... if they know everything in so much detail then they should understand. Your husband is being awful as well. I also agree with some of the others too, he may not actually want to spend time with you, you need to find out and try and find out where you stand. Sorry you’re having such a crap time too x

Well, you could always take hold of your anger and go into the room, ask them to leave with the comment "I'm afraid that DH and I need some time alone to discuss whether we are getting divorced or not and, if we do, then we need to discuss what we do about the future."

That should shock them enough, drunk or not …

But … if you're aware of how bad your relationship is then DH must be too. It could be that he's now made these young new friends who, when compared to you, probably make him feel young and exciting himself. So he wants to rub your nose in it, something along the lines of I don't need you, look how I've got young and trendy friends now. Or … it could be that he's trying to get you to see how dull your relationship has become, that he wants more, that he wants the fun back again like it used to be.

But you'll only know the truth if you talk about it.

I would suggest going to a counsellor ….

He is living away from you
His flat but he is enjoying them and not considering you
You are a grownup
Get all your makeup on
Walk out
Tell them they are insufferable bores
Go home
Cut your ties
Get on with your life