Should these people go home!!

[Lou780]

I have made a trip to London for weekend..to see dh.. marriage is on rocks and we haven't seen each other for weeks. He has new flat in London as works there during week and normally comes home at weekend. Not for few weeks though for various reasons. So here iam..we go for lunch with a friend of his and his new wife..youngcouple only 28. We are 45. Ok I think..lunch will be fine. But that was 1pm and they are STILL here!!..I have come through to bedroom and can hear them cackling and putting loud music on Alexa and drinking. Iam so fed up. Do much for spending time with dh. They will not take hi t..I have asked them to lower music as I have a headache. I then went in and asked if o could put TV on..dh obliged but they kept talking loudly about first date first time they had sex going into detail..I have up and came back onto bedroom. I have nothing in common with young wife she is not interested in talking to me ..I tried o we lunch. But she is loving holding court in living room right now..so is dh. Iam crying in bed room.

Well I still think your behaviour towards them is rude.

YANBU - I’d be checking into a hotel for tonight, personally.

It’s your DH’s fault, I’m afraid.

They sound like ‘human shields’ to me OP. Or in other words while they are there your DH doesn’t need to engage. Sorry. Think about it this way, if your marriage is on the rocks and you haven’t seen each other for a few weeks why invite people over to lunch anyway? Especially as there doesn’t seem to be a particular occasion.

Sorry, this may sound harsh, but it sounds like DH is avoiding being alone with you. He has let lunch become a boozy lunch/afternoon. Also, and I know this sounds like a criticism and it really is not meant to be, you are the party pooper. I totally get you are not on the same page as the rest of them. Would it be better to just head home? It will only end up in a big row later with someone who is drunk and god knows how that will end? I do not think your weekend is salvageable and could end really badly.

They know only what DH has told them - from his perspective.

He’s using them (or they’re complicit) as a human shield to avoid spending time with you.

They sound like ‘human shields’ to me

I was about to say the same. It seems to me that he might have invited them deliberately. And possibly asked them to stay for as long as possible.

He doesn't want to be alone with you, it sounds like. Can you get the last train home tonight?
You need to have a serious talk with DH when he is sober.

@StapleYourTongue I think you should read the OP again. The poster has tried talking to the young woman and she isn't interested. They're putting on loud music and talking about their sex life in detail. I think the couple are the ones being rude in this scenario.

Sorry, or just seen that they know all about your marital issues. In that case how about a breezy "Sorry guys, but I haven't seen DH all week so I'd like us to have some time by ourselves. Let's catch up more another weekend.please."
It'd make them gossip between themselves a bit, but if they already know you two are having issues then there's no reason not to just be assertive.

They don’t know they’re not welcome

I’d have friends stay that long for lunch

His fault, not theirs.

It does sound as though he is trying to be 28 again and enjoying his time away. Although I'm almost the same age and wouldn't be in PJ's watching Poldark this early in the evening.

He doesn't want them to go, they possibly do this often and he has his own life without you. If he wanted them to leave he could make that happen.

Erm he hasn t seen you for weeks so arranges a meal with another couple? Sorry op i dont think he wants your marriage to work

go in, tell them you’d like some alone time with “MY HUSBAND who I haven’t seen for weeks” and say, “I’m calling it a night now” stand there until they leave.
Once they’ve left, have a few drinks to catch up with DH (nothing worse than being around someone tipsy/drunk when you’re sober) and enjoy the rest of the evening with him listening to music!

Iam back in living room..they literally don't even look at me..

Oh well, at least you know what your DH is like now.

He wants to spend time with his trendy friends in their twenties in London talking about their sex lives.

Though tbh I'd have found that a bit much in my twenties.

You do sound a little anti-social but the couple in their twenties sound a bit tedious so perhaps its just because you want to avoid them. Theres a lot more to do in London on a Saturday night than watch Poldark in your pyjamas though.

It sounds like your DH is trying to relive his youth.

This is horrible for you. He is telling his neighbours about your relationship issues? So, they will see no reason to build a relationship with you, as you are perceived as the “spoil sport”

Go home, dust yourself off. They all sound horrible. He is behaving terribly.

I'd love to think that I'd be assertive and ask them to go, but I probably wouldn't. I'd cry and hide myself away and then skulk home to lick my wounds.
It doesn't sound like your husband wants to talk your problems through, and seems to be actively avoiding time alone with you. I think you need to get urgent legal advice and make sure you have access to cash in case of emergencies. I'm so sorry it has come to this for you.

I’d go to a hotel tonight, leave tomorrow and start the divorce. Your husband isn’t interested in you or the marriage.

DH has moved on OP. You need to as well. Tomorrow when you're both sober tell him hes made his bed now it's time to lie in it and go home and see about divorce. Good luck to you OP. At some point in the future your husband will realise he is bored living his youth and will probably want you back - his loss. If not, either way still his loss when all he has to come home to are empty bottles. Enjoy life OP.

Then you need to switch the music off and be assertive OP - either tell them to leave as you want to talk to DH alone, or go and be miserable in the bedroom... it’s actually your choice to make. They’re ignoring you because you’ve gone off to sulk.
Sorry, but, either get rid of them or deal with it.

I do feel sorry for you, Lou. Your visitors are extremely tactless to be hanging around for so long but it sounds as though your husband is encouraging them to do so. How disgusting are they, talking about first sexual encounter? I suppose it's drink talking.

If no one will take the hint, put a few things in an overnight bag and go off to a hotel. At least you'll get some sleep. Then leave it to your husband to come to you to try and resolve your issues, or not as the case may be.

Sorry but your "D"H doesn't want to be married anymore. For whatever reason he wants to be 28 again. Leave him to it with your head held high.

They are being rude towards to you so be rude back and tell them you want them to leave so you can spend time with your husband. You have nothing to lose in doing so.