Should these people go home!!

[Lou780]

I have made a trip to London for weekend..to see dh.. marriage is on rocks and we haven't seen each other for weeks. He has new flat in London as works there during week and normally comes home at weekend. Not for few weeks though for various reasons. So here iam..we go for lunch with a friend of his and his new wife..youngcouple only 28. We are 45. Ok I think..lunch will be fine. But that was 1pm and they are STILL here!!..I have come through to bedroom and can hear them cackling and putting loud music on Alexa and drinking. Iam so fed up. Do much for spending time with dh. They will not take hi t..I have asked them to lower music as I have a headache. I then went in and asked if o could put TV on..dh obliged but they kept talking loudly about first date first time they had sex going into detail..I have up and came back onto bedroom. I have nothing in common with young wife she is not interested in talking to me ..I tried o we lunch. But she is loving holding court in living room right now..so is dh. Iam crying in bed room.

Would you not just ask them politely to head off?

I would take the big fat hint that your husband is giving you - he has detached from your marriage, he's got a new flat and he's got much younger friends who have absolutely no interest in you. He isn't interested in improving your marriage, I'm afraid. I would leave him a note and go to a hotel - I wouldn't even bother telling him I was going, either.

I'd have kicked them out long ago. I really hate when people overstay their welcome.

He is telling you clearly that he has checked out of your marriage.

Tell them you have outstayed your welcome...... Now Fuck Off

They are rude disrespectful bastards.
I would tell them to FUCK OFF.
Why are you putting up with this shit??

It’s half your flat too, you are married.
He is too drunk tonight to talk sense. If they are still there in the morning. For the love of God fund your dignity and leave. File for divorce and thank your lucky stars he made it so easy for you to see he is moved on.

if they are married it's not just her husband's flat. she has every right to tell them to leave. I would be livid!

Horrible situation for you op. Whatever you do he will “ blame” you. You were rude to his friends, you were sulking, you were the one who left etc etc.
I would accept this marriage is over and proceed as such. Don’t engage. If he wants to stay married let him make the effort to be a better husband. You can’t control him but you can make your life happier ( after this grim bit is over).

I agree that the issue is your DH not the guests. It also sounds like the behaviour when the other partner has checked out - so that
a) he is avoiding spending any time with you and having any discussion with you about the relationship
b) he's acting twatty in the hope that you will end it.
c) you know that's not what he would be doing if he was invested in saving the relationship.

It's shitty but its part of the mess from relationship close to the end.
Take your dignity and go - in a vaguely similar situation i had a friend give me the same advice and it was painful but definitely for the best.

Ouch! Sorry the weekend isn’t going to plan. If he’s already drunk, there’s not much chance of a decent conversation tonight either. Hotel tonight and then a serious talk before you go home tomorrow?

Are they STILL there?

Presumably they have a marital home, where OP is currently living, and he has rented this flat in London.

Therefore, it is not her flat to kick people out of. It would make a scene, and cause a situation that would be embarrassing for OP. Not worth trying to kick people out, but she should leave

Sounds like he doesn’t give a toss. I would leave and get yourself a hotel room travelodge or something for the night. Get some rest and think through your options in the morning. I couldn’t deal with that.

I would leave very quietly in honesty. Your husband has probably told them to stay.
If there are problems in your marriage, being rude to his new friends won’t help. It sounds like he’s checked out already.
Alternatively if you want to watch poldark on iplayer, do so. It doesn’t sound like you’ll be missed. It will probably play up to what they have heard/think of a married woman in her 40s whose dh is making a new life.
Sorry you’re upset. He’s showing you who is most important and it’s not you.

Sending you strength OP. I know in that situation I would love to take the advise of people here and walk out with dignity, but I fear I would not be brave enough to do.

I HATE situations like this...it’s happened to us before but neither of us wanted to ask the guests to leave because we didn’t want to seem rude and they are friends. They were too drunk to take hints too. It was horrible...then it got frustrating, after they left we took it out on each other because of that frustration, but now I’m ahead looking back, it wasn’t either of our faults, we just had two drunk guests and it’s nit fair to expect one partner to tell them blandly to leave if you wouldn’t do it yourselves.

You will survive the night but meanwhile it’s torturous!! Good luck op

And I don’t think your husband has checked out, or not wanting to be alone with you, this is just one of those situations.
I find it alarming how people who have never met your husband or you, can do blatantly say his no longer interested

How are you getting on op? I would send dh a message saying "i thought tonight was about us spending time together, i ould like you to get them to leave" then give him half an hour. If they haven't left i would leave and stay in a travelodge. If money is an issue for you then sleep there but make sure you are asleep when he comes to bed and set your alarm for early so that you can leave before he wakes. It will make the same statement.

But unless money is an issue i would definitely leave!

go in, tell them you’d like some alone time with “MY HUSBAND who I haven’t seen for weeks” and say, “I’m calling it a night now” stand there until they leave. Once they’ve left, have a few drinks to catch up with DH (nothing worse than being around someone tipsy/drunk when you’re sober) and enjoy the rest of the evening with him listening to music!

I’m sure after she has hidden herself in her room all day, complained about loud music, throwing his friends out will definitely put him in the mood to enjoy a lovely evening listening to music.

If they are married, the flat belongs to both of them. She doesn't own half a house and her husband own a whole flat and half a house.

I am sure all the separated couples are glad to hear that the other half can come to visit in and tell their guests to leave. Whether the first person wants to or not.

@hollowtalk aboslutely true this is her property but she is supposed to be there fixing her marriage and it does seem like dh isnt on board. No point her making a scene and kicking them out, a text to dh will surely have the same effect if he is serious about fixing their problems.

He's clearly checked out of the marriage and is being a tosser trying to look young and trendy by getting drunk with his moronic friends. Pack your stuff up OP. Use his credit card to book a room in a decent hotel and leave them to it. Get the train home tomorrow and get an appointment booked with a solicitor to start divorce proceedings.

@thefridgeraider, but this couple isn't separated.