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AIBU?

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Original poster

Should these people go home!!

257 replies

Lou780 · 27/07/2019 20:00

I have made a trip to London for weekend..to see dh.. marriage is on rocks and we haven't seen each other for weeks. He has new flat in London as works there during week and normally comes home at weekend. Not for few weeks though for various reasons. So here iam..we go for lunch with a friend of his and his new wife..youngcouple only 28. We are 45. Ok I think..lunch will be fine. But that was 1pm and they are STILL here!!..I have come through to bedroom and can hear them cackling and putting loud music on Alexa and drinking. Iam so fed up. Do much for spending time with dh. They will not take hi t..I have asked them to lower music as I have a headache. I then went in and asked if o could put TV on..dh obliged but they kept talking loudly about first date first time they had sex going into detail..I have up and came back onto bedroom. I have nothing in common with young wife she is not interested in talking to me ..I tried o we lunch. But she is loving holding court in living room right now..so is dh. Iam crying in bed room.

OP posts:
FeegleFion · 27/07/2019 20:32

I agree with pp that you should rejoin them and say how it’s been really good to meet them and lets do it again another time but you’re only here until tomorrow and want some couple time with your DH.

Try to be as light and breezy as you can be (even if you’re fuming).

If you want to spend time with you DH alone, you need to communicate that as the hints are obviously missing the mark.

womaninthedark · 27/07/2019 20:34

Just go. The marriage is beyond 'on the rocks', it's over, he's checked out.
You went there, you made an effort. Now you can leave with a clear conscience, go home and make preparations for the rest of your life. Don't engage with him, any more than he has with you.

EerieSilence · 27/07/2019 20:35

You’re better off packing and going home and start divorce proceedings. He clearly thinks himself divorced already.

ReanimatedSGB · 27/07/2019 20:35

Thing is, your H doesn't want his friends to leave and the flat is his flat, not yours. I appreciate this is miserable for you, but it's not the other couple's fault and, unfortunately, what they will see is that their friend (your H) has a rude, whiny wife and no wonder the marriage is in trouble.

Actually, did he invite you for the weekend or did you invite yourself? It sounds a bit as though he has basically left the marriage already.

Iyhinkhellhavestrawberry · 27/07/2019 20:35

My DH did similar when he went to work at a place full off younger, single people. Stayed over more and more, clubbing, drinking (he's 45). I didn't mind on occasion but it got to the stage where he would go and see a film with them after work not me, because then "he could babysit the younger kids and I could take the older to see it". It wasn't that, it was he wanted to be young and cool again and I was his older wife with kids. We went to see a good councillor and I gave him a (metaphorical) kick up the arse. He's calmed down now, after one party where all his cool friends ended up having sex on a trampoline in the garden he twigged he was really being a bit of a twat and putting our marriage at risk.
I think you need to make it clear to your DH he's risking your relationship. It does sound like he might know but not want to deal with it or stop his fun though.

bananasaidso · 27/07/2019 20:36

Seems like your husband has checked out of the marriage. He is enjoying living alone and socialising with the young couple. Or perhaps he is living his youth through them. If they are staying this long and ignoring your hints then it means that they come to your husband's place often, he has told them God knows what stories and they feel like they have a better relationship with him than you. I would be blunt and tell them to leave if I were you and wouldn't care what they think of me. I would probably have a good word with my husband as well as to how rude he is being as well.

AcrossthePond55 · 27/07/2019 20:37

You say that they know all about your rocky marriage. And that they are pretty pointedly ignoring you.

Sounds to me as if your DH has asked them to hang around in order to avoid spending time alone with you. And that he's now carved himself a new life without you. Sorry.

Whose idea was the separation and whose idea was this weekend visit?

TheFridgeRaider · 27/07/2019 20:37

@ReanimatedSGB bless you. I was scared to ask thatBlush

bananasaidso · 27/07/2019 20:39

And I don't think you are being anti social either. There is a limit of timeI can spend with other people who are not family. I can do 3-4 hours but more than that is draining and I don't like them after that.

angell84 · 27/07/2019 20:43

Stand up to them - say it was lovely to see you , but now me and DH have plans for tonight.

How can they know unless you tell them?

I always get bewildered by these threads - why don't you just say to them what you want?

If I had people over and I needed them to go I would simply say "it was lovely to see you, I have to go and do X now"

londonrach · 27/07/2019 20:44

Sounds like dh asked them to stay sorry op.

Bunnyfuller · 27/07/2019 20:45

I don’t think your DH wants to fix things 😞 I think they joined you to prevent the conversation that needs to happen. I also think he sounds like he’s enjoying his single life in London too much and also kidding himself he’s young and with it and can keep up with the younger ones.

What a selfish tosser. What about booking into a hotel for the night and ordering in some yummy stuff, I’d come and meet you myself if I were a bit nearer! Flowers

angell84 · 27/07/2019 20:46

JUST SAY WHAT YOU WANT! For god sake . You are 45.
If you can't say it to them pull DH into the kitchen and say you would like alone time now. You can talk to him surely?

KM99 · 27/07/2019 20:46

Honestly, OP, this situation is about DH not valuing you, your time or your marriage. You haven't seen him for weeks and he chooses them over you.

Nope. I wouldn't even give this couple a moment's more stress or anger. They are inconsequential rude arseholes.

Leave for a late train/ hotel and then I'd be giving your DH a dose of reality the next day.

What do you want, OP? This is obviously just one incident we are reading about, but do you think you have a marriage worth saving?

PeoniesarePink · 27/07/2019 20:48

Oh god OP this must be brutal.

I'd pack my bag and go to a hotel.

RonnieScotts · 27/07/2019 20:50

Why don't you pack your bags and go and stay in a travel lodge tonight, your DH doesn't want to work on your marriage.

I wouldn't cause a scene and kick off, just ask to speak to DH privately. Say you're disappointed you haven't seen him alone, you realise he wants to spend the evening with his friends, and you feel it best if you leave as you had a different evening in mind. Then politely say goodbye and walk out the door.

iloveredwine · 27/07/2019 20:51

I'd tell them to move the party to their flat as only a few doors away and you wanted to spend time with your husband but he is obviously not interested so you may as well get some sleep.

QualCheckBot · 27/07/2019 20:54

And he's treating you really badly OP. Unfortunately, this reminds me of a sports club holiday I was on where we all stayed in the same hotel. One married bloke had come without his wife and was clearly having it off with one of the single younger women there. His wife flew over especially and he ended up leaving her alone in their room while he went out to a meal with a group including the younger women. It was really awful to watch how he treated her. He ended up getting divorced and marrying the younger woman. Don't be that woman OP. Don't put up with someone making you uncomfortable when you've gone to the effort to visit them.

ReanimatedSGB · 27/07/2019 20:55

But OP can't tell this couple to leave as it is not her flat. It's her H's home and she is another guest - an unwanted one by the sound if it. The only way to preserve her dignity would be to grab her stuff and leave - because if she tries to assert herself, it is very likely the H and his friends will either laugh at her or one of them - probably the H - will suggest to her that she's the one who ought to leave.

Yes, of course, the H is being rude and unkind but I can't help wondering if he has actually told the OP he wants out of the marriage and she is refusing to accept it; that he didn't want her to visit this weekend and is stopping short of actually throwing her out because he doesn't want to be the obvious bad guy.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 27/07/2019 20:56

I think you need to talk but not today

Derbee · 27/07/2019 20:56

Speak to your DH in private and tell him you’d like him to ask them to leave. If he won’t, I think you answer about whether he’s interested in fixing your marriage

NoBaggyPants · 27/07/2019 20:56

Bridges have been burned on both sides. To your guests you must come across as rather petulant, and to you, your guests and husband have been the rude ones. Your husband prefers their company to yours, a none too subtle (and very unkind) message that he no longer wants to be with you.

Calmly get your things together and find a hotel to check into. As horrible as the ending of a relationship is, it's better to be in your own space than with three people that dislike you.

Derbee · 27/07/2019 20:57

*have the answer

SavingSpaces2019 · 27/07/2019 20:57

i'd just turn the volume up and drown them out. they'll get the hint quick enough.

your dh seems to be avoiding spending time alone with you - does he even want your marriage to work?

Fuckedoffat48b · 27/07/2019 20:58

OP, your DH invited them round knowing they were this thick-skinned and self-absorbed. He could have done anything with anyone today, but he chose to have them round. It is not a mistake.

He is letting them be disrespectful to you, so that he can continue to disrespect you and I would hope that if I were in your situation I would just walk out and not bother facilitating any more attempts to 'save the marriage'. But it is easier said then done Flowers

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